MIL & weddings

[SweetMelissa]

My husband and I will be married for 6 years in September. We did a justice of the peace wedding just because neither one of us really wanted a big wedding and he was in North Carolina at Fort Bragg and I was in Florida & he wouldn't be getting leave any time soon.

My brother in law just got married last month. My BIL called my MIL to tell her and her words were "Okay but you have to have a real wedding. Don't do what Chip (dh) and Melissa (me) did.". So BIL & SIL agreed to a small wedding. MIL took control and it was OUT of control. BIL & SIL wanted close family only and MIL invited her second cousins, ect. It was so over the top and MIL was complaining that if she had more time and money that it would of been so much better.

Well last night she made a comment to me that now that dh & I are making more money that we can start saving up for our wedding and that of course she will help me with it.

DH and I both said after BIL & SIL's wedding that there was no way in hell we wanted to go through that. Honestly we think it would be a waste for us to have a wedding or vow renewal now. We're already married why go through it all again? Its just not something we are interested in.

I told her last night that neither DH or I are interested in having a wedding. Its just not something we want. Her reply was "Well thank God Marc and Donna have some sense in them. The weddings not for you its for the parents.". To which I replied "No its not. A wedding is a celebration of two people getting married and they want their friends & families with them. Chip and I are already married. We already decided that we didn't want a big wedding. We picked to have a justice of the peace wedding. We're happy with our wedding." She got all quiet and soon after left.

Today MIL called my husband and told him that we have to have a *real* wedding (or a vow renewal). That its not right that I don't want to have a big fancy wedding. She basically tried to get him to agree with her. Of course he told her no way in a polite way but seriously why can't she just take no for an answer? Plus if we did have a vow renewal there is no way I'd want her help.

I have heard of a bridezilla before but I've never heard of the mother-in-law-zilla before.

[Milmomma]

Wow, just wow. Since she is your MIL, I would have your husband put more force into the no. Would he want your mom to keep this up with him? I doubt it. Sometimes polite just doesn't cut it. And it sounds like you have tried to tell her no several times, maybe talk with him. Share how you feel and how it is important to you that she moves on from this. It is your choice, your marriage. She shouldn't have a say about it, IMO.

[jacinda]

Originally Posted by Milmomma

Wow, just wow. Since she is your MIL, I would have your husband put more force into the no. Would he want your mom to keep this up with him? I doubt it. Sometimes polite just doesn't cut it. And it sounds like you have tried to tell her no several times, maybe talk with him. Share how you feel and how it is important to you that she moves on from this. It is your choice, your marriage. She shouldn't have a say about it, IMO.

I agree 100% with this. I would be ticked if my MIL didn't respect my wishes in regard to MY OWN wedding. And how dare she say weddings are for the parents.

Just to rub it in, you could save a little money, and go renew your vows overseas somewhere (think tropical island) and tell her it's only you and hubby going. Then thank her for her great idea.

[origami]

Wow! I would say your MIL is out of line! She says it is for the parents, but yet she wants you to save up the money to pay for the party?

Edited to add that I like Jacinda's idea!

[jessica31876]

Ha she sounds like my daughters MIL. My husband and I have been married 21 years and got married by a notary public. There is nothing wrong with what you did and it would probably irritate me to have insinuated that your marriage is not realy real (which is kinda how it makes me feel by what youve said maybe just how I read it) because you did not have a big wedding. If I had the money when we got married I would have insisted on putting it in savings or towards the purchse of a home (my husband had already purchsed one before we met though). You did what was right for you and your husband and that is all that matters. Every person is different. She should just respect that

[Darcy Baldwin]

I think it's about time he says a firm no and for her to drop the subject.

[Arual]

Run off to Vegas, just you and hubby, and do a vow renewal in the drive-thru and have ELVIS marry you!

LOL!!

Now, wouldn't that be wonderful news to her? "Hey Mamma, we got remarried last night... in Vegas.. by Elvis... in a DRIVE THRU.... and it was awesome, too bad you weren't invited to share in the fun!...(Click!)"

Good golly, some parents are so selfish and over the top.... I pray I am not this way when either of my kids decide to marry... oh gosh if I am, someone please SHOOT ME!!!

[Nettio]

Originally Posted by Darcy Baldwin

I think it's about time he says a firm no and for her to drop the subject.

Agreed. Sounds to me like she just wants to plan a party so all the attention will be on her but she doesn't want to pay for it.

[Jen22]

I was thinking the exact same thing that Jacinda suggested, lol. And I can't believe she had the nerve to try and say that wedding were for the parents. I mean - sure, to an extent they are. But at the end of the day - the wedding is about the two people who get married, nothing more - nothing less.

Sorry you have such a persistent MIL. I'm still thinking you should renew your vows - privately, lol. That is SO something I would do. Might cause more drama than you want to deal with, but dang - she's not taking no for an answer, so maybe you have to get a little more drastic, lol

[jessica31876]

I am a mother in law and trust me it is hard not to overstep your bounds with the new SIL/DIL. I try to always remember I am not the one in the relationship with him, my husband and I have taught our daughter how a man should treat a woman and demonstrated that you love each other, its ok to disagree and every argument does not mean your marriage is over. We taught her it is not ok to abuse one another and if that EVER happened she should come to us. And if she needs me she knows I am there. Otherwise she is an adult and it is her life to make what she wants it to be. I do sometimes forget that and she is still my little girl so the instinct is there to try to protect her but I see she is doing ok on her own and trust in that. That is all you can do. I think some MIL's need to cut the cord though and let their baby bird fly the nest and accept their little girl or boy is all grown up with a family of their own...no matter how they came about becoming that family

[mummytothree]

I have a better idea...save the money and then go on a honeymoon or 2nd honeymoon and stick your MIL with the kids while you go!!!

Ugh...don't you wonder how in the world husbands turn out so nice/normal when their mothers are dragons!!!

[KimberlyMorris]

I have one of these MIL's so I feel for you. I have tried and tried to maintain a good relationship with her, be considerate of her feelings and include her as much as possible but the more I try the worse she acts. Anytime I tell her something she doesn't like she goes to my husband who, thank goodness, always backs me up. I tend to just let him deal with her as much as possible.

[color of my heart]

Originally Posted by Nettio

Agreed. Sounds to me like she just wants to plan a party so all the attention will be on her but she doesn't want to pay for it.

yep. i agree with this. she probably wants to be able to say "i threw them this amazing wedding, aren't i amazing?"

it's your wedding. if you don't want something huge, don't do it. don't give in. you already had your wedding, why waste the money on a party that neither of you want?

[breakingbrie]

Originally Posted by Arual

Run off to Vegas, just you and hubby, and do a vow renewal in the drive-thru and have ELVIS marry you!

This made me lol!!

MILs are always a touchy subject. I don' tknow what I'd do, but I'm sorry she's being so pushy!!!

[marlathrall]

I feel like we might have the same mother-in-law...

My mother-in-law ordered "memory candles" for our grandparents, my biological father, etc who had passed away to display at our wedding reception. Nice thought, but totally not something I was worried about. She somehow found freaking candles that cost $650 dollars and charged them to our credit card without my permission. Colby knew, but he went along with it because he thought I wanted them. I freaked out when I found out. Oh and they candles came in with two of my family members names spelled wrong. They were also wrong on the programs that she demanded we have that I didn't really want.

Also, she somehow got them to play a song of her choice during the ceremony. I knew NOTHING about it before hand and the song was super creepy and LONG. I think it would have been an okay song, but she had a bad copy of it that only played the base or something. Worse part, they didn't turn it off and it played for like five minutes.

My point- stick to your guns. You don't need a wedding, especially if your mother-in-law wants to make it all about her.

[jessica31876]

Umm I love this idea

Originally Posted by mummytothree

I have a better idea...save the money and then go on a honeymoon or 2nd honeymoon and stick your MIL with the kids while you go!!!

Ugh...don't you wonder how in the world husbands turn out so nice/normal when their mothers are dragons!!!

[nun69]

Originally Posted by mummytothree

I have a better idea...save the money and then go on a honeymoon or 2nd honeymoon and stick your MIL with the kids while you go!!!

this I LIKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[SweetMelissa]

Thanks ladies! When my husband gets home from baseball practice we are going to talk about it some more. We both agreed that after seeing MIL take over BIL & SIL's wedding there is no way we want a vow renewal.

I totally love the idea of going on a honeymoon and sticking her with the kids but she wouldn't do it. She has health issues and can barely watch them for two hours without calling and telling us she can't do it anymore (oh her health issues are she has a kidney disease - I know that it causes her pain but she can walk around a theme park all day but can't watch the kids for 2 hours when they are in BED?).

[jessica31876]

I have kidney disease too (stage three) and it does not cause me much pain.

[SweetMelissa]

Originally Posted by jessica31876

I have kidney disease too (stage three) and it does not cause me much pain.

My DH has the same kidney disease as her too and he doesn't experience nearly the same amount of pain as she does. I know that everyone's pain level is different but FIL & MIL will go to Disney, Sea World & Busch Gardens and she'll be fine all day. We'll ask her if she can watch the kids when they are in bed so we can get some couple time and she'll always call us about thirty minutes before we told her we would be home that she can't do it anymore. The kids have been in bed before she left. She brings books to read, I leave my computer on for her and she can watch whatever she wants on TV. It completely baffles us. She can sit on her computer at home for hours on the weekend and be fine.