NSBR - MIl Vent

[SweetMelissa]

My BIL is graduating from boot camp next month at Fort Jackson, SC. DH, the kids and I were planning on driving up for three days to be there for him, then drive to Myrtle Beach SC to see my aunt & family. Then drive to see some of DH's family that he hasn't seen since he was 6 (he's currently 26 - so its been twenty years). DH called his grandmother asking for a phone #. She asked why and he told her that we want to see his Aunt B. This was about a week ago.

Last night my MIL called my DH about how dare he call his grandmother for a number so we can see other family members and NOT ask to see them.

What the duck? We just saw his grandparents in December then before that in October, then in September, before that in June. We saw his grandparents at least 6 times last year. To visit his grandparents will add two hours onto our trip. Pus we don't have the time to see them if we want to see his Aunt B & cousins.

My DH came home last night saying now he doesn't want to go to see his brothers graduation because he doesn't want to deal with the drama. His mom is already mad at us because she tried to invite herself to ride to South Carolina with us and didn't even ask us. So when we started to talk about our other plans she said "Oh well we can't do that I need to be back at work." Dh and I both were like um what? You never asked if you could ride with us.

So now both his mom & grandmother are calling him not stop today trying to guilt trip him. I finally answered his phone and told them both to stop & to grow up.

I did talk to DH and he said that he does want to see his brother graduate (he remembers his boot camp graduation and how awesome it was to have family there) but he know his mom is going to be a witch because she's riding with Donna (BIL"s girlfriend) & MIL doesn't like her. Plus he knows if we don't stop by his grandparents he's going to get hell from them. So he's torn.

I am so annoyed & pissed off right now. I can't believe they are both acting like this. Esp his grandmother. I mean we've seen them 6 times last year & DH hasn't seen his Aunt B or her 3 kids in twenty years. Twenty years. And she's going to have a fit over it? My MIL has already been the kind of person who tries to put herself where she doesn't belong (in this case our van for the ride) so we kind of knew that she would be trying something but were hoping she wouldn't.

DH talked to BIL last night so he knows what's going on - which I wish DH hadn't of told him. The last thing he needs to worry about is family drama. BIL said he would love to see the kids since he knows it'll be a while before he sees them but understands if we don't go because of the drama.

Sorry this got so long.

Update in #9.

[Darcy Baldwin]

Go anyway - your husband seeing his brother is way more important than the silliness of his mom and grandmother. Seeing his Aunt is something that you'll need to decide, but he needs to go see his brother! Sorry they're all being poo-poo heads!

[LeeAndra]

If they're always like this, then they will give him drama even if he does do exactly what they want, right? Tell him that he can either (a) do what he wants & catch heck for it or (b) do what they want and STILL catch heck abt it, just heck abt different things. If you're going to get guilt tripped and yelled at no matter what, might as well do what you want in the meantime!

[scrap2day]

So sorry that you are dealing with drama.

[HeatherKS]

I agree with Darcy. No matter what else happens or doesn't happen on the trip, the important thing is that your dh is there to see his brother graduate. Eventually the drama will fade away but he'll always be left with the knowledge that he was there for his brother at an important time in his life.

[SweetMelissa]

Thanks ladies. I agree that we should go to see his brother. DH is still being pig headed and saying he still doesn't want to go. :/ I'm hoping he'll calm down in a day or two.

[Stacey42]

I agree with Leandra- sounds like you are going to catch hell no matter what you do. If you don't go, then they will give him grief for not going.

Probably you are going to hear about it either way, may as well be for doing what you want to do

[k23m]

ugh! I hate drama!

Could you try and schedule something in the future with his grandparents so they dont feel like you are ignoring them? Tell them you will see them in ____ so they can look forward to that instead of missing seeing you this time around.

I agree with LeeAndra - sounds like you will get greif either way, so just do whats right for your family.

And look on 411 for the phone number!! LOL

[SweetMelissa]

DH calmed down this afternoon and called his grandmother.. She wouldn't let him get a word in! He put her on speaker phone so I could hear her as well. She was just trying to do everything she can to guilt trip into agreeing for us to stop by for an "hour" to see them. When he could talk he told her that an hour would add five to our trip. That we just couldn't do it this time around but we can make plans to see them later on in the month. She just wouldn't hear it and started crying say we don't love her, ect. He hung up.

Then ten minutes later MIL called and I answered. She was cursing and going on about how heartless we are. Saying she doesn't know why we can't just leave 5 hours earlier and see them. It means so much to them. Blah. Blah. Blah. By the end my blood was boiling. How can they not see that we just can't do it this time? Its not we're saying we'll never see them again. You know? We're planning on leaving our house at 6pm and driving straight through the night so the kids sleep in the car. If we stop it'll add 5 hours. Ugh 5 hours.

SO now MIl & grandma are on the black list and we are going & they can kiss my butt.

[Nettio]

My DH's side of the family can be dramatic like that and I've found that 99% of the time it has nothing to do with your choices and everything to do with their own insecurities and feelings. They're probably just disappointed you're coming all that way and not seeing them. Not to say you should be insensitive but sometimes you have to make the choice that works best for you and they just have to accept it.

Sorry you're having to deal with all that! Drama like that is no fun.