For those with tween girls.....a puberty question

[cindyg]

DD just turned 8 and I'm started to wonder when I should have "The Talk". If you have a tween girl, when did you have "The Talk" and at what age do most girls start puberty these days?

[scrappychic]

Great question, I need to know this too because my 3 yo is getting married and I haven't done the "talk" yet.

[Laura_A]

LOL Sam!

Oh man, I'm in the same boat. My oldest DD is 8 and I swear she's already having mood swings AND I had to buy her deoderant about a month ago. She had B.O. DH and I have been talking about when I should have "the talk" with her and I'm still not sure. I do think she's still a little young to explain EVERYTHING to her, but I did sit down with her and explain hormones and how girls' bodies change as they get older and that might be why she's so cranky sometimes.

I'm thinking the rest of the talk should be around 9... maybe 10. EEEK!

[DawnMarch]

My DD just turned 8 and I told her about how women get periods etc and it's part of what happens when you get older and your body is able to make a baby. She still has no clue, though, about how those babies get started and I am kind of waiting for her to show some interest in the topic before I just spring it on her. I mean, she still half believed in the tooth fairy until last year.

[jessica31876]

I started alot earlier with my daughter. Probably around 3 or 4 about really basic stuff and just kept the lines of communication open from then so she could ask questions if she needed to. She got her period when she was 12. Ive heard some start as early as 9 and some as late as 14 or 15. I think 8 is old enough to understand some stuff. I dont think its just one talk but a series of talks to address all the different issues that might arise.

[ColleenSwerb]

Not that I have kids, but I think it depends on the kid.
I didn't have a "talk" until after the school did a presentation on it and I came home and told my mom all about it, lol.

Even then, I didn't get a sex talk until after I'd already had sex ed in school, and I had a boyfriend. I'll never forget what my mom said to me either. I was like 17 and dating an older guy I worked with. She pulled me aside one day and said "I hope you're smart enough to use protection. I see the way you look at him, like I did when your father and I dated." We hadn't even gotten past 2nd base! I found it hysterical.

[krystalhartley]

I started having age-appropriate conversations with my daughter about the time she started preschool (age 4), for several reasons:
- we conceived our second child that year, so there were natural questions about babies
- it was the first time she'd be out of my guardianship with someone other than trusted family members, and I am a paranoid, overprotective mother with plenty of reasons to be concerned about pedophiles, etc.

Other occasions arose, including her discovery of my tampons, situations found in movies we watched together, etc. I'd say, she probably had the full picture about sex and her body definitely by the time she was 11, which included 5th grade health "classes" to teach them about puberty, menstruation, etc.

She started using deodorant around age 9 (BO) and wearing training bras at 10. Her biggest body changes took place this past year.

(I had originally typed more, but I wonder if there aren't some freakos who would somehow google and get off on the info.)

[meems]

hmm, wonder when my mom will have the talk with me?

if not for Judy Blume, I'd know nothing!

[Laura_A]

Oh man, I hope Riley doesn't start her period early... at 9, I think most kids have to be FORCED to take a bath. lol

[DawnMarch]

LOL Col! My sister was 3 years older than I was so I got "the talk" much sooner than I really needed it. I remember it vividly too -- my mom gave this long, horrifying explanation of sexually transmitted diseases, teen pregnancy, shame, natural disaster, end of the world as we know it etc. My question at the end was "so, why do people do it?"

[ColleenSwerb]

Originally Posted by DawnMarch

LOL Col! My sister was 3 years older than I was so I got "the talk" much sooner than I really needed it. I remember it vividly too -- my mom gave this long, horrifying explanation of sexually transmitted diseases, teen pregnancy, shame, natural disaster, end of the world as we know it etc. My question at the end was "so, why do people do it?"

Baaahahahahahhahaha shame and natural disasters! Hahahahahah omg I love it.

Mimi the Judy Blume comment made me choke on my water! LOL!

I'm the oldest, so I think my mom just had no idea. I was such a tomboy it probably threw her off, lol.

[Emmy]

Originally Posted by meems

if not for Judy Blume, I'd know nothing!

ha! same here!

[krystalhartley]

One of the reasons that I wanted to educated my daughter early on...obviously, we didn't go full disclosure or anything when she was 4...was that I wanted her to get the info from ME, along with the morality we dish out. I really didn't want her views about love and sex to be shaped only by what she saw from Hollywood or by her friends. Plus, in my own experience, my mother's early conversation with me really helped to downplay the role of curiosity in the whole thing, which I think helped avoid some trouble. Of course, it doesn't seem to hold much weight when it comes to raging hormones, but that's another story...

[[michele]]

What would our generation have done without Judy Blume??

My dd is 8 1/2. I recently gave her a copy of The Care & Keeping of You.

I figure that's a good starting point, and over the next year or so we can work more information in.

Michele

[MelissaL88]

Originally Posted by meems

hmm, wonder when my mom will have the talk with me?

if not for Judy Blume, I'd know nothing!

:snort:

Count me in as a "Women of a certain age" who grew up on Judy Blume. That's just too funny!

[lizzyfizzy]

Maddie is 10 and we have been talking about this sort of thing for a few years now. I think it's really good to bring them up hearing all this stuff from Mom, it raises trust and open communication for Mother and daughter early in life. Even if your 7 or 8 yo dd has no idea what your saying, it helps to close that "gap" early so when the time comes to get a little more in depth it's not foreign and that trust is already there.

[lovely1m]

I agree, I think 8 sounds like a good time to start the puberty/period talks since some girls do get theirs at 9 (ugh, that's early). I think I would wait a bit for sex talks, at least full on sex talks. Though I do think its good to start the good touch/bad touch stuff early on like what was mentioned earlier. I don't remember getting any of those talks. I wonder if my mom actually had them.

[lizzyfizzy]

my generations moms didn't really start to talk to young girls either. i think it is ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT parts of being a good parents!

[Traci Reed]

My mom got hers at 8, my sis at 9 and me at 10 so she started us early. I agree 100% with Krystal ^^^

[cheltzey]

I think the earlier you start to be open about that sort of stuff, the better. Then you never have "The Talk," but a series of small discussions. It makes it seems not as scary or secretive, and they're armed with accurate information. I can almost guarantee that if you don't start talking about it with her soon, her friends will, and you WON'T like what they tell her. You can also begin to share your views on the moral issues of puberty, such as your views on premarital s*x (watching for the search engines!). It's more likely to have an impact if she's been hearing it for years than if one day you just announce it and expect her to fall in line.

[Angie4b1g]

OMG the other day we were changing out of our swim suits and my daughter started telling me about how she saw her cousin naked and hers was GROSS AND HAIRY. (this cousin is 9 not sure why she has that much pubic hair already but that's another topic) (I shave, so she must have seen me changing and remembered the hair or something). I wasn't sure WHAT to say about that one without getting into why I DON'T have pubic hair.

Although I just now told the whole world.

[scarletsierra]

Originally Posted by krystalhartley

One of the reasons that I wanted to educated my daughter early on...obviously, we didn't go full disclosure or anything when she was 4...was that I wanted her to get the info from ME, along with the morality we dish out. I really didn't want her views about love and sex to be shaped only by what she saw from Hollywood or by her friends. Plus, in my own experience, my mother's early conversation with me really helped to downplay the role of curiosity in the whole thing, which I think helped avoid some trouble. Of course, it doesn't seem to hold much weight when it comes to raging hormones, but that's another story...

We're not quite there yet as DD is only 2, but this is how we plan to approach it as well and for all the same reasons.

[girlflies]

My dd is just about to turn 5 and we have been using our "scientist" words for all things sexual since she could start talking. We just address things as they come up and move on. I would imagine that we will continue to do so wrt our sexual values etc., as she ages. I don't think I could get all my "sexual wisdom" across in one big lecture!!
There is a fab book called 'The New Speaking of Sex: What Your Children Need to Know and When They Need to Know It'. It is terribly helpful and hysterical all at the same time. I totally recommend it.

[pewtertm]

Originally Posted by Angie4b1g

OMG the other day we were changing out of our swim suits and my daughter started telling me about how she saw her cousin naked and hers was GROSS AND HAIRY.

Ok, how to get Diet Root Beer off of a laptop screen?


But as far as the original question...I'd say 8 is a great age to start talking about puberty...I was in 3rd grade when I got to that point...my mom and aunt were early too. My mom told me everything when I was 6 (early, but she wanted to tell me before I heard it elsewhere and before I got to that point)...AND she didn't want to do what her mom did.
Basically, my mom got her period at age 8, and was fully developed by age 12, and had grown men asking her out on dates at that point. But my grandma told her nothing...so when my mom hit 16, she finally asked my grandma about the facts of life. Grandma says something along the lines of 'Don't you already know?" Response: "How could I know if YOU don't tell me anything?"
So grandma FINALLY fills her in...and my mom basically said "You mean I could have had 7 or 8 kids by now and not even known how I got them?"
LOL, can you tell I've heard this story more times than I can count? But in all the times that story has been told, I've never heard what grandma's reaction to mom's last comment was...would have loved to have been a fly on the wall for that one!

[BrattyMeg]

My DD is 12 and has already "crossed over" as we like to call it. We started the talk kinda early too 7-8ish and I haven't read the replies but there is a book by American Girl-THe Body Book and we have read it together multiple times. It even shows them basics like how to shave and all kinds of stuff not just sexual/puberty related questions..it's a true body book.

[pewtertm]

Originally Posted by girlflies

My dd is just about to turn 5 and we have been using our "scientist" words for all things sexual since she could start talking.

I am SO glad that you use proper terms...when I was teaching pre-k and K, I learned so many...ahem...creative terms for anatomy parts and bodily functions. I don't know why adults have to be so embarrassed about teaching kids proper words. I finally had to start putting that in my beginning of the year questionnaire...what does your child call __________? For example, when little Johnny wass talking about tinky winky, I thought it was a Teletubby. Or little Sue talking about her booboo...I thought she had a cut or something. The one that finally broke the camel's back, though, was a little 4 yr old boy who started shouting that 'it's getting bigger...it's getting bigger' whenever he had to pee.

[scrapperjade]

My DH and I plan to teach our little one (7 months) the proper names for things starting now. I feel it is SO important for her to know the proper terms right away. Plus, I've known too many girls who've been molested, and I am desperate to teach her about her body and what is NOT appropriate for anyone to touch, what is private, etc.

As for the talk, I agree with many of the others. We want to have frequent talks about things, having it as open as possible, and teach her before she learns about it from others.

As embarrasing as it is to admit this, I was 16 before I knew what s*x was. My parents NEVER talked about it. They even forbid me from going to S*x Ed classes, but because they never told me anything about my body or what things were for, I went anyways, and found out all about it at school.

I DO NOT want my girl to learn that way...

[digideb]

Well, I don't have any kids yet, but I too want to start them young! My Mom told me about what to expect w/peri0ds, but that was it! 2 days before my wedding (I was 20), she asked me if I had any questions about s*x! I told her no, I had already talked to my SIL and my fiance about it and knew what i needed to know! lol So, we never had "the" talk! My older brother knew nothing either even about peri0ds! My SIL (his wife) told him everything the week before their wedding! I really don't want our kids to be that way at all!

[mcardall]

We started teaching our daughter when she was 18 months old that only Mommy & Daddy change diapers, that's when she started in the nursery at church. My sister was in charge of the nursery so I didn't totally go gung-ho on the no one touches your body discussion until just after she was three. Now she knows that no one goes in the bathroom with her at church or anywhere else. If she is playing at her cousins' or friends' houses, then she goes in the bathroom alone. And we never take off our clothes. And no one ever touches her personal areas unless Mom or Dad is giving her a bath or if the doctor is checking her. She has had UTIs so we had to explain that one to her. We have known way too many family members & friends who have been violated by other trusted "friends" and family members. We are way overprotective. My mom started talking to my sister when she was about 8 about periods, but waited until she was 10 to start talking to her about s*x. I think it was too late for her personally. But I won't get into that here...

[scrappychic]

Originally Posted by meems

hmm, wonder when my mom will have the talk with me?

if not for Judy Blume, I'd know nothing!

ROFL! Yeah, asian parents don't talk to their kids about sex. LOL The most my mom said to me after she figured I had a boyfriend (at 18!) was "don't do IT." That was it. Ummmm too late.

I'm one of those lucky girls that got my period at 9. I had NO idea what was going on. I had a older sister that had pads sitting on the back of the toilet and I use to play with those things not knowing what they were for. Mom and sis got theirs at 14 and I get mine at 9. Not fair at all.

[mcardall]

lol my sister-in-law is filipeno & she said the same thing! in fact, *I* had the talk with her! Her sister filled in some stuff, too!

[Mandy]

I had "the talk" with my dd last fall. She was 11 and at the age where things started happening to her body and her interest in boys skyrocketed. LOL
I told her everything, about pre-marital sex, the consequences of unprotected sex regarding STD's and teen pregnancy. I told her about boy parts and the "mechanics" of intercourse and why two people have sex. I told her about her body and periods and a cycle.
So needless to say, she's pretty well informed.