which side do you fall on?

[jessica31876]

I was having a discussion with my best friend the other day after a conference with my sons teachers. We were talking about how alot of parents not only help their kids with homework but know what is due and when its due etc. Both she and I think thats ok when the kids are young but they should be able to be responsible for their own homework when they reach middle school. The teachers though kinda act like if you do not know every assigment given that you are horrible parents. I know when I was younger and in school it was defenitely my responsibility. The only reason my mother knew what was due is if I needed her to buy supplies for the assignment. I made sure it was done and kept track of it all on my own and my best friend said her mom was the same way. I am there of course if my kids need any help with homework or an assignment but I think the responsibility for keeping track of it all should fall on their shoulders. What do you think?

[Lyd]

I answered "other" just because I think it depends on the age of the child. Yes, when kids are younger, they need help remembering that they even have homework. And, parents need to be a little more involved to make sure it gets done and that some learning occurs. But, I agree, that once they are a little older (Jr. High and High School), the kids need to be responsible for it themselves for the most part. I don't remember my parents ever bugging me about homework when I was in high school. But, I liked getting good grades, so maybe they knew they didn't have to. But, some of my siblings didn't get the best grades, and I still don't remember many discussions about it at home. At some point, the kids have to take responsibility for their education.

[Chantal Miller]

I said kids because my daughter is now grade 5. Of course, I am a SAHM to a chatterbox so I tend to know any way. I will ask how far she is with something that has a far due date and help when she is really struggling and of course I am a wealth of resources for construction projects. But that is as far as it goes. I trust her to do the day to day homework and expect her to holler if she needs assistance. She also brings it me when she's done which helps me to recognise (where she can't) where she needs help

[jessica31876]

my kids are 18,16 and 12 almost 13. I think the youngest is defenitely old enough to be responsible for it himself. Heck I did not have to remind my daughter since she was in kindergarten or first grade about homework. My middle son needed reminding occasionally but for the most part he has always done it by himself too. My youngest is so sporadic. He does it and then loses it at home or somewhere from home to school. Sometimes he just doesnt do it. If I was keeping track of all three of their homework I would have 21 classes to keep track of!!

[Darcy Baldwin]

For me, as a parent, I am ultimately responsible for their education. While I might not want to know about every nitpicky detail even through high school, I would find it necessary to check in to make sure they didn't need help or weren't behind or were doing okay. But through middle school, I'd hope to have the kind of communication with the kids (and ultimately the teachers if it became an issue) so that I would have a handle on how they were doing.

Again, doesn't mean that I would lord over their homework time, but I'd sure want to be sure they weren't slacking, etc., before reports came out.

[disneyaddict]

I answered other. I think both kids and parents have the responsibility. I agree with Darcy, I am ultimately responsible for my son's education as well as his ability to assume responsibility for his actions. (That's a lot of responsibles. LOL.)

I want to know what is due when, how he did on it, etc. If he doesn't do well on it because he was careless or he doesn't make the time to do it and is running around like a crazy man at the last minute, I take away privileges (XBOX, ipod touch, etc.)

[ajf9597]

I voted other. I think it is both, the child and the parents responsibility. I think the child should take the responsibility in making sure they do their homework, I also think it is the parents responsibility to check it and make sure that it gets done.

[kristine]

I think that kids should be responsible from about 10. But I think it is important that the parents pay attention to what they are doing, and kick their butts a bit if they are slacking

At DD's school (she's 7) it is really easy to keep up. Each friday they get a plan for the following week, where it says what they are doing in each lesson, and it has all their homework on there as well as the "learning goals" for that week. It also has a weekly letter attached with any additional information, like if they need to bring something to school or something special is happening. All their homework is due on fridays, and I let Kaja decide when she wants to do what, although I do sometimes have to remind her on Thursdays to make sure she's done everything

[lizzyfizzy]

i voted parents. i agree with darcy. i feel like i am ultimately responsible for my children and their education as well. now while i don't know EVERY single assignment they complete in class, i do keep a firm hand on what is coming in and going out and i am also teaching my children to have responsibility for their own work. they have to keep planners that i sign off on and that is their responsibility. so, it is a mixed effort but in the long run if they fail, i will feel like i didn't do my job properly. i guess, maybe i should have voted other. lol!

[breakingbrie]

I voted other. I think it should be both, more the parent at earlier ages, more the child at older ages, but still a combined effort.

[emmasmommy]

Originally Posted by Darcy Baldwin

For me, as a parent, I am ultimately responsible for their education. While I might not want to know about every nitpicky detail even through high school, I would find it necessary to check in to make sure they didn't need help or weren't behind or were doing okay. But through middle school, I'd hope to have the kind of communication with the kids (and ultimately the teachers if it became an issue) so that I would have a handle on how they were doing.

Again, doesn't mean that I would lord over their homework time, but I'd sure want to be sure they weren't slacking, etc., before reports came out.

exactly how I feel. exactly.

[crecia27]

For me I was intimately involved until it became a huge fight with my son (now 17). Sometime in middle school he started wanting me to butt out - and he suffered the consequences when his work wasn't turned in or if he failed a class. OR if I got called into the school because he wasn't doing what he was supposed to. Every child matures at a different pace, and many start trying to be more independent around middle school. I could have pushed the issue but it would have just caused him to rebel more. At the end of the day short of the parent going to school with the child to know what homework is due and what comes home and then there to make sure they turn it in - there is only so much you can do.

[4noisyboys]

Originally Posted by lizzyfizzy

i voted parents. i agree with darcy. i feel like i am ultimately responsible for my children and their education as well. now while i don't know EVERY single assignment they complete in class, i do keep a firm hand on what is coming in and going out and i am also teaching my children to have responsibility for their own work. they have to keep planners that i sign off on and that is their responsibility. so, it is a mixed effort but in the long run if they fail, i will feel like i didn't do my job properly. i guess, maybe i should have voted other. lol!

ITA!!

[Traci Reed]

I think that it's the child's responsibility when they're older BUT the parents should still be in the know. I don't think the age of the child is a license to "check out" so to speak.

[scrapmonkey]

I'm with Traci and kristine.

Just a personal story that illustrates that it is hard to know that fine line. I remember when I was about 12 or 13, my parents felt it was my responsibility to do my homework. My grandfather disagreed and when he made a visit, he actually watched me doing my homework. It really annoyed me, except for one thing. I had told my parents I needed glasses before and, since they had just paid for braces, they were concerned about the expense of it; after my grandfather's "watch", he told them I needed glasses because of how close I was to my work while reading (I had 20/200 vision in one eye).

[xboxmom]

Being a Mom of 5 my oldest is 14 he pretty much takes care of his own homework and what not but I always ask him if he has any or if he needs help etc. So I chose parents but I guess there really should be a "both" option. LOL

[newfiemountiewife]

Originally Posted by ajf9597

I voted other. I think it is both, the child and the parents responsibility. I think the child should take the responsibility in making sure they do their homework, I also think it is the parents responsibility to check it and make sure that it gets done.

This is exactly how I feel. I let Benjamin do his own work (he's in Grade 4) but when he's done either myself or Tony will check it and help him with grammar (he's VERY bad at spelling), etc.

Amelia (Grade 1) and Rae (Kindy) I sit and do their homework with them.

[jaylensmom]

Originally Posted by lizzyfizzy

i voted parents. i agree with darcy. i feel like i am ultimately responsible for my children and their education as well. now while i don't know EVERY single assignment they complete in class, i do keep a firm hand on what is coming in and going out and i am also teaching my children to have responsibility for their own work. they have to keep planners that i sign off on and that is their responsibility. so, it is a mixed effort but in the long run if they fail, i will feel like i didn't do my job properly. i guess, maybe i should have voted other. lol!

I agree with Lizzy...

[Stacey42]

Other. Right now, with primary school kids, homework is on me but as they get older I am not going to stand over them and nag them into doing it. I'm trying to instill responsible habits about homework now & hope it sticks with them over time. I plan on being aware of their assignments & encouraging & helping them all through school but by high school I expect them to have some sense of ownership of the process. If they fail to turn in their physics paper it's their fault, not mine for failing to hound them into doing it.

[krystalhartley]

I voted other.

It's not just about making sure homework gets done. It gives me an opportunity to explain it in a different way if it didn't click with them when the teacher explained it. More importantly, it allows me to teach accountablity and enforce penalties and rewards. My prime directive most days is to make sure I've taught my kids what they need to be healthy, happy, functional young adults once they've left the nest, and homework gives me another opportunity to do just that.

[crecia27]

Originally Posted by Traci Reed

I think that it's the child's responsibility when they're older BUT the parents should still be in the know. I don't think the age of the child is a license to "check out" so to speak.

Totally agree! If a kid ever thinks it may not be important to you they will likely not see it as important themselves.

[Ramona the Pest]

I have six kids, and my answer would have to be all over the place! My oldest is a good student, a smart boy, but not very responsible. He is in 7th grade and this is the first year that I'm trying to transition things more to him. I spent the first 2 semesters nagging until I thought my head would spin off! On the subjects I was aware of, he got all A's. He didn't tell me, though about a project for PE that required him to do a certain amount of daily exercise and record it. He didn't do it and got a C. I wasn't very happy with him!

For this semester, we are doing things a bit different. We set up a reward system. We don't do allowance and my kids don't have time to have jobs, therefore, if they get a 4.0 on their report card, we will give them each $100. It's a lot of money, but the catch is that for each point it goes down, the amount goes down by $20. And there is no nagging involved. I still know whats going on, because their teachers email me weekly. I look at it, and forward the emails to my son. We'll see what happens. It's only 7th grade, so if he doesn't get a great report card then we'll try a new tactic, but I think at some point they have to learn how to take responsibility for their own lives. He has a planner, he has an ipod touch, he has all the "tools" he needs for success. The question is whether or not he will use them.

I feel like I'm potty training, all over again! When he went every time I took him, I was trained well-him not so much! Once he learned to do it all on his own, then we had truly achieved success!

Personally, I couldn't vote in the poll (well, I guess I could say other) because each child is so different. My 8 year old daughter is totally responsible and I have to do very little to keep her on track! It just depends on the child!

[jessica31876]

I have to add something...dont take me thinking that it is my sons responsibility to do the homework to mean I am uninvolved in their lives. I am here 24 hours a day. I talk to my kids about everything. I ask if they finished their homework. I do not check their homework because if they say it is done then that is good enough for me. I trust them until I see evidence that they are lying to me. I expect my kids to do their best. If their best only earns them a C and I saw evidence of them doing their best then who am I to punish them and say sorry even though you did your best a C is not good enough for me. My kids get A's and B's with an occasional C. I think because my son was in special ed up until middle school and he is no longer in special ed because he transitioned back to regular ed classes AND he is switching classes AND has to do homework for multiple subjects every night he is overwhelmed. I am working out a system though. Or trying to work out a system anyhow. Im just not sure which route to take right now but we will figure it out. I did find out something really helpful...my sons school has a system that all his assignments are entered online on this one website and I can check his progress in all his classes. I can also be notified by email when any assignment is missing or if his grade starts to slip so that will defenitely help. Hopefully when I get him used to just sitting down and doing the homework every night as soon as he gets home it will become second nature to him and wont be an issue anymore.

[nun69]

I voted other too,....and having 4 kids I can see that the 2 oldest are totally different....I don't even ask Sam anymore {junior in high school} but when I check her grades online {a nice privelege we have here}, that is when I get involved...she is not a bad kid and is actaully involved in school but I found out from her Pre-Calc teacher that if she turned in her homework more consistentaly then her grade may be better...and I don't have a problem taking priveleges away from her...my DS {8} is doing VERY VERY good at school {actually above his grade level} so I have to hound him to do his homework because it bores him, but he does do it and DH usually checks it...but I know that at a young{maybe 14-15} age I knew I HAD to do it or suffer the consequences and I feel my DD needs to learn that...she thinks college is gonna be easy and that she can get in anywhere and I feel she is in for a rude awakening! I feel I CANNOT force her to do homework{well I probably could but I can't stand over her and watch her do it since I have 3 other kids to take care of} and I can only argue with her so many times before it just wears me down....

[g8rbeckie]

I think my responsibility as a parent is to develop a responsible child...

right now mine are young, but when I was growing up I was fully responsible for my own work. My parents had high expectations for my grades and they received progress reports along the way (not to mention my mom was a teacher). But otherwise, I always did all my own homework and managed my own schoolwork and activities. We were never rewarded for grades (it was my "job" as a kid), but there were punishments for bad grades!

I plan to do the same thing. Our routine will be family dinner and homework time. And of course we'll be there for help if they request it!

[jessica31876]

I always told my kids that the grade itself and the knowledge they gained was the reward for good grades.

[meganmecrazy]

I voted other because I think it should be both (and it depends on the age).

[SeattleSheri]

My son is only in kindergarten, so naturally I feel responsible at this point in time. As a child, my parents never checked on my homework and I always did it on my own.

[mlewis]

Well, I chose kid, because I was thinking of friends of mine who actually do their child's homework for them (in junior high), which I think is ridiculous. In fact, my DH is a 4th grade teacher and they now have a no homework policy because our district has so many parents who do the child's homework that it's no longer fair to the families who do not help their children - trying to keep everything equal. Crazy, huh!

As I thought more about it and read the rest of the comments, what I should have checked was "other" because I do believe that the parents have the responsibility to check in to make sure things are getting done, although I am still a strong believer in personal responsibility and allowing our children to experience the consequences when they have failed to fulfill their responsibilities whether it be homework or something else. Obviously, all in an age-appropriate manner.

[jessica31876]

Melissa I was just told that alot of the homework assignments my son has to turn in are not even graded. If they do the full assignment even if they get the answers wrong they are given full credit. I think that is so wrong. I mean how will they learn if they dont get marked off for wrong answers and learn how to do the problem correctly?

[MommaTrish]

Originally Posted by breakingbrie

I voted other. I think it should be both, more the parent at earlier ages, more the child at older ages, but still a combined effort.

I agree. My oldest is in Kindergarten and requires me to remind him and set a time for when it should be done. But I think when he gets older he shouldn't require more than a reminder to take care of it.

[hollyxann]

I think both.
My parents always checked to see if my homework was done by the end of the night. And they did that all the way til I graduated high school.
Depending on the age of the child, they should be responsible enough to have their homework done. But I think it does help if the parents check to make sure the homework is done.

[livelys]

At the moment I am totally involved in DS's homeworkk as he's only 7, but like everyone else I plan to gradually let him take responsibility for doing it more and more without me holding his hand throughout.

I plan to be there to help, guide, and make him focus as much as I can as he grows up, but I do think its important for him to take on responsibility for his own work - even if it means the odd lower grade than I think he's capable of.

My dad rode me very, very hard over homework until we had a major argument when I was 15. After that he backed off and allowed me to sink or swim on my own, and truthfully it worked out well (though I guess it could have gone either way) and our relationship improved - I no longer dreaded him coming home and shouting at me, telling me I hadn't done something right - i.e not the way he would have done it!!

Its so tough when you want the best for your children, and want them to demonstrate exactly what they're capable of atchieving. Life-long balancing act!

[Designer Ali]

I voted other because I think it really depends on the kid... some need extra attention, some can be responsible for themselves. I agree with Darcy that ultimately we as parents are responsible for our kid's education and I know I want to know what my kid is learning. At this point she's only 3 and gets one sheet of homework a week, but I still think I'm going to want to know what's going on in her world. And besides that, I'm looking forward to it, becasue sadly, based on the show, I am not smarter than a 5th grader!