Moms of older girls...

[kendallt]

What age was your daughter when she started wearing a training bra? My DD will be 11 in just over a month (Gah! Just typing that breaks my heart. Where have the years gone?!) and is starting to develop a bit in the chest area. She is very tiny and petite, but lately I've noticed it might be time to go bra shopping.

We are extremely close and talk about everything, but she is very timid and easily embarrassed, so I'm looking for ways to make this process as non-intimidating and traumatic as possible for both of us! Suggestions??

[lhaslem]

I think Kylie (about to turn 12) asked to wear one at about age 10 or so (she had some friends who wore one, so it was kinda cool I guess)...she has worn one regularly for about the past year or so.

[tanyiadeskins]

Becca started wearing them when she was nine and now, (she will be 11 in June) I think she is about ready for another step up. Becca is easily embarrassed as well, but I do not sugar coat it I simply talk to her about it and eventually it gets a little easier for her to talk about, etc. But Kayla (19 now) started early too and now she is already a DD, so maybe it just runs in the family to get them earlier here. I think I was in 4th grade, too lol

[mummytothree]

My oldest DD (she's almost 14) started in 5th grade.....so about 10 to 11. My younger DD (she is almost 10 and in the 4th grade) is a totally different build...she is very tiny and very slim and very flat So I have a feeling she won't need one for a while but I'll still probably buy her some next fall when she starts school!!!

I also started my oldest out in sports bras........mostly because all the "real bras" out there are padded.......I mean seriously........what 10 to 11 year old needs a padded bra!!! So while it was giving her protection....it wasn't such a dramatic change to having to put on a "real bra" everyday!!! Even now at 14 she prefers stretchy soft cotton sports bras to "real bras". So I'll definitely start my 10 year old out in those too!!

[mariewilcox]

Cheyanne is in 6th grade but won't be 12 until almost starting 7th grade so her friends were all wearing them before she was and she wanted one too - so that was around age 10 for her. She is very petite (although finally gaining some height and some muscle mass through all her sports). She is still the smallest among her friends though.

She is not shy and it doesn't bother her in the least, but she's discovered she hates wearing a bra unless it's a sports bra. She really isn't to the point of needing one all the time but she does wear the camis from Aeropostale with the built in "bra". She loves these and has an extensive selection - LOL. She also likes to wear the neon spandex bras from Target for sports.

[DawnMarch]

10 -- and, like others have said, not because she needed to.

[Shawna]

My oldest is 10 and in 4th grade, and sometime within the last year (can't remember for sure when) she asked for a bra. I think mostly cause some of the other girls in her class were also getting them, not because she needs one but she's like me and likes to wear layers. She really likes the spaghetti strap sports bras or camisoles, we get them at Walmart. My younger daughter is 8 and is now wearing them too, and only because she wants to do whatever her big sister is doing lol.

[Neverland Scraps]

My youngest has been wearing a bra since she turned 7 as she's always been chesty even from birth. The oldest started wearing a bra a couple months before she turned 10 and that was only because the other girls were wearing them, other moms that I talked to had their children wearing them and the youngest was already wearing one and she (the oldest) didn't think it was fair!

As far as talking to her about life, I recommend American Girl book collection, The Care and Keeping of You

We have used that book, on the oldest only since the youngest is too little to get all things talked about in that book. Anyways, we have used it with the oldest as it talks about getting a chest, body hair, shaving and even the dreaded period!! It talks about healthy eating, washing your face and many other things that I wish my mom had talked to me about when I was younger. The reason why I recommend the collection is it comes with a journal where she can write about her feelings as she's reading the book as well as there are some scnerio quizes that she can answer.

It has been really helpful to my almost 11 year old and something I will be doing with the youngest in the near future.

Oh and I've found Target has the best selection as far as cotton and even padded bras. The Walmarts that I've been to dont really have much of a selection that either children like. And Kolhs seems to be just the same as Targets, just more expensive.

I keep editing and re-editing, I am sorry. Kendall, you know what helped my oldest to not be so embarassed about wearing a bra? Her older cousin, who is a year and a half older, talked to her and showed fun ways of putting her bra on/off. It was like a girls time for her and a learning lesson in the process since my daughter looks up to my niece. Just another thought that helped my oldest transition from that stage to the next.

Good luck Kendall! You can do it!

[Sherri Tierney]

My daughter is 9 and in 4th grade. Many of her friends are wearing bras and I'd say at least half of the 5th graders are wearing (and NEED) bras. My daughter doesn't wear one yet. I guess I should get her one but I don't want to until she needs it. I hate the idea of pushing her to grow up too soon. She asked for one when her BFF started wearing one but I explained that she really didn't need it and we talked about how her and her friend are different. Anyway, DD does have a few camis. S wears them because she is really sensitive to stitches in her clothes and such and they make her more comfortable.

I have a 12 year old niece who isn't in a bra yet and doesn't need one either. She wears camis now and then too but that's it.

[k23m]

I'm not there yet, so I am loving all the advice.

What if you have a girls day...go (bra) shopping, have lunch...just the 2 of you. Tell her she doesnt have to wear them until she wants to, but help her pick out pretty ones that she likes and then if she's ready, she will be able to wear one whenever she wants.

[Keely~B]

My DD asked for one in 5th grade, not because she needed one but because she felt awkward at sleepovers, camp etc. I will say that the vast majority of girls here are pretty well developed by 5th or 6th grade. She's still flat chested at almost 14. She's 5ft 7 and skinny and thinks it's a rip off that she has to deal with periods and doesn't get the benefit of boobs LOL

About the padded bras, we're so thankful for them. I know there's a lot of hate for them but DD's flat and lopsided and still has to buy bras in the girls' dept. They really help to even things out and make her feel normal in her clothes. For us they're functional, they're not about trying to make a B cup look like a C cup or a ten year old look like a Victoria's Secret model.

I also highly recommend The Care and Keeping of You is a great book.

[LenaGardner]

Naomi's 5 so we're good LOL but I just wanted to chime in that by the time I was 11, I was a C-cup even though the rest of me was normal sized (I weighed maybe 100-110 lbs and was 5'3).

[kristijoy]

My sister's oldest girl started wearing a training bra at age 10. She was started to develop already.

[winipeg1]

Not there yet with my little girl (she is 2 ) but I remember asking my mom if I could get one because a few of my friends had got them I was 10yrs old.

[*Celeste*]

my neice was ten.

[kendallt]

Originally Posted by Sherri Tierney

I guess I should get her one but I don't want to until she needs it. I hate the idea of pushing her to grow up too soon.

I feel the same way! It hasn't really been an issue until now, but I think it's time. Sigh...

Originally Posted by k23m

What if you have a girls day...go (bra) shopping, have lunch...just the 2 of you. Tell her she doesnt have to wear them until she wants to, but help her pick out pretty ones that she likes and then if she's ready, she will be able to wear one whenever she wants.

Melissa, that's exactly what I was thinking of doing! Lunch, pedicures, and bra shopping. She is out of school this Friday, so we may go then. Even though I like to document everything, I promised her I wouldn't bring the camera!

Thanks for all the great advice and encouragement, ladies!

[dmogs]

Wow this is not something I have even thought about... but Lexi is eight so this is just a couple years away it sounds like! Yikes! My mom gave me my first bra when I was I believe 11. She put it in an Easter egg in my Easter basket!! If your daughter is shy I would not recommend it LOL! I was pretty darn embarrassed! But I guess its something I still remember haha!

[Sherri Tierney]

Originally Posted by Keely~B

My DD asked for one in 5th grade, not because she needed one but because she felt awkward at sleepovers, camp etc. I will say that the vast majority of girls here are pretty well developed by 5th or 6th grade. She's still flat chested at almost 14. She's 5ft 7 and skinny and thinks it's a rip off that she has to deal with periods and doesn't get the benefit of boobs LOL

About the padded bras, we're so thankful for them. I know there's a lot of hate for them but DD's flat and lopsided and still has to buy bras in the girls' dept. They really help to even things out and make her feel normal in her clothes. For us they're functional, they're not about trying to make a B cup look like a C cup or a ten year old look like a Victoria's Secret model.

I also highly recommend The Care and Keeping of You is a great book.

I can see benefits of padded bras. My grandma suggested them to me as a teenager because I did a lot that put me in a position to get bumped a lot. A bruise on the boob hurts. The padded bras gave me a little cushion and helped a lot.


Dani, Oh my gosh... can't imagine a bra in an Easter egg! Kind of reminds me of my husband telling me his mom first gave him condoms in his Christmas stocking. I do remember getting my first razor in my Christmas stocking though.

Speaking of... when do you let your girls shave? I was in 5th grade when I first got a razor but I didn't actually shave my legs until closer to 7th grade. I did start wearing some makeup (blue eyeshadow, does that date me? LOL) towards the end of 5th grade. We had some model come in and talk to the girls in our class, give makeup tips, etc. and we were invited to break makeup to school to share. Odd now that I think of it.

I was in 5th grade when I got my first bra but I hated it and I didn't wear it until I absolutely needed it. I remember it being extremely itchy and uncomfortable. I told my daughter to enjoy not having to wear one because once she starts she'll wear one for life and they aren't the most comfortable piece of clothing.

[mariewilcox]

Cheyanne started shaving this year during basketball season - so 6th grade. She does have dark hairy legs though!

She's allowed to wear mascara on days she doesn't have a sports practice and lip gloss but that's it to school. For a school dance or other special occasion she is allowed to wear a bit of neutral shadow and that's it.

[Neverland Scraps]

Originally Posted by Sherri Tierney

Speaking of... when do you let your girls shave? I was in 5th grade when I first got a razor but I didn't actually shave my legs until closer to 7th grade. I did start wearing some makeup (blue eyeshadow, does that date me? LOL) towards the end of 5th grade. We had some model come in and talk to the girls in our class, give makeup tips, etc. and we were invited to break makeup to school to share. Odd now that I think of it.

I was in 5th grade when I got my first bra but I hated it and I didn't wear it until I absolutely needed it. I remember it being extremely itchy and uncomfortable. I told my daughter to enjoy not having to wear one because once she starts she'll wear one for life and they aren't the most comfortable piece of clothing.

My oldest and I talked about this over the weekend. (Thanks to the American Girl book I recommended earlier) I told her when she was ready, we'd buy a razor and I'd show her how to shave correctly. She has little blonde hair on her legs. She often jokes with me that she only has hair on her head since all her leg/arm hair is so fair and minimal! I told her if she didn't want to shave until she was 12, 13, etc that would be fine with me, but when I saw her legs and they looked like she was wearing tights I would make her shave (She laughed)

[Sherri Tierney]

Originally Posted by mariewilcox

Cheyanne started shaving this year during basketball season - so 6th grade. She does have dark hairy legs though!

She's allowed to wear mascara on days she doesn't have a sports practice and lip gloss but that's it to school. For a school dance or other special occasion she is allowed to wear a bit of neutral shadow and that's it.

I have allowed makeup (I apply it) for school performances, but that's it so far... well, a dance performance too. That's only because the harsh lights wash the kids out and I like to get pictures. Caitrin has her own blush. It is the exact shade of her cheeks so you really can't even tell she has it on but it makes her feel special. She also has lip gloss but that's all. She has dark and thick lashes so mascara probably won't be something she needs for a good long while. Me, on the other hand, would love some lashes like hers. Mascara is my friend.

[KayM]

Oh my, my girl is very early for her age. She's only nine and she needs a bra. She's very tiny and thin, so I'm not sure why she's so developed. She started showing signs around the age of seven. I'm very small chested, so she surely doesn't get it from me! I have always bought organic milk and now we're drinking Silk, so it shouldn't be the hormones in the milk.

We have the American Girl book too and it's great!

[Kjersti]

The American girl doll book is FANTASTIC! My daughter is very open (she even makes me blush) so we read it together. We put "sticky" notes over some of the images just in case Faith (age 7) picks up the book!

She started wearing a training bra around the age of 9. She didn't need it at all.....she just WANTED to have one! LOL! She even told her teacher at school that she "wanted to wear a bra". I could have died!

[mariewilcox]

LOL Kjersti! Cheyanne loved wearing her bra until this year when she really needed to start wearing one for sports - she's not all that developed yet but just enough that with running around so much in sports I told her to start getting used to it. Well of course now that it's functional and not for fun she hates it Now she has found the neon sports bras at Target so all is good.

Sherri - Cheyanne has such skimpy lashes and she gets them from me With her blonde hair (I have no idea why the hair on her arms and legs is so much darker!) she has light short stubby lashes. Her brother, of course, has long dark thick lashes - such a rip off!

[kendallt]

It's funny that I started this thread yesterday because last night, DD came home with a letter from the guidance counselor stating that the 5th grade girls and boys (separately) will be watching a video about maturation and development. They watched one last year, but I'm assuming this is different.

The school nurse will be talking to them afterwards. I asked DD if she had any questions beforehand, and she immediately responded with an emphatic "no!" I am going to get that book that so many of you have recommended and see if that helps her open up a bit. Again, thank you all so much for the advice (and keep it coming)!

[jessica31876]

I think I started buying her bras in fifth grade. Didnt do the training route bra. I think she started out like 32 A or so.

[davec777]

I second the Care & Keeping of You also. We actually checked it out from the library first to see what she thought. She really liked it, so I bought it for her from Amazon. We bought her a bra back in 5th grade even though it really wasn't needed (everybody else was getting one).

Stephanie

[HeatherKS]

My oldest dd is 9 - will be 10 in May - and she has been wearing one for about a year now. I got her first one when I bought her a shirt/skirt set last spring. The shirt was kind of a clingy fabric and she definitely had little bumps that needed smoothing out. She only has a couple actual bras with adjustable straps and she mostly wears sports bras under her t shirts and things because they are more comfortable. She likes the camis with the built in shelf bras too because that way she doesn't have to wear a bra. Most of her friends wear them now too whether they actually need them or not so that has made it easier.

[Paula]

This may be TMI, but mine started when they started to show boobies. LOL

[Sherri Tierney]

I had to come back to this. I bought my daughter a package of sports bras over the break last week. She is so excited about them it isn't even funny. She has absolutely NO chest at this point (she had more when she was 3 and had a little bit of pudge to her chest, now she's just totally flat!) but she likes the idea of wearing them. She wants to grow up so bad.

[kendallt]

Originally Posted by Sherri Tierney

She wants to grow up so bad.

LOL! And my DD wants nothing to do with that part of growing up!

BTW, I'm happy to report that the shopping trip went extremely well. I am glad ya'll warned me about the bras for little girls being padded because I think that would've come as quite a shock! She chose the tank/sports bra-ish style and has been wearing them without complaining ever since. She even put one on to wear to bed the other night until I told her it wasn't necessary!

[Sherri Tierney]

Sounds like the kind we got. They had ones with thin straps and ones with thicker straps (more like a tank) and we went with those because the ones with thin straps wouldn't stay up.