Question about workplace condolences

[LJSDesigns]

I was wondering how your work place handles condolences when an employee loses a close loved one; by definition for this question, someone you get bereavement time off for.

My employer does nothing. Not a card or flowers to the service or anything. In fact when my mom died, no one except my co-workers even offered condolences; not even HR when I was arranging my time off to bury her. I was less than impressed with, not just the company, but the HR manager herself. I didn't expect flowers, but to say I am sorry for your loss, is not to much to ask for, right? (I was told later that it was company policy not to say anything. What? I haven't looked into the why of that, but if it is true, it's crazy in my book. Maya Angelou said people will remember how you make them feel and I absolutely believe that, so being kind should just be the norm for everyone and every business.)

Since the employer doesn't do anything, we employees tend to get a card and take donations for the affected family. BUT, another employee has to start it, take charge of it and then make sure it is received by the co-worker. If no one starts it, then that person doesn't get any kind of condolence from his work place or co-workers, which I think is sad.

Yesterday, my sister lost one of her boys, ie. her cats. She doesn't have children and her employer and co-workers know that her fur babies are her babies, so they knew how hard it hit her to say good bye to him.

Because they knew how hurt she was and obviously care about her, they sent her flowers from the people in the company and a donation to the pet shelter in Nittany's (her cat) name. They made the donation to the shelter from their pets, which I thought was sweet, because it made her boy part of their "community" as well.

I don't think you see that kind of comfort/support in the work place these days for people, much less fur babies, but I could be wrong so I thought I would ask.

Does your employer do anything when someone in their employee loses a loved one. If so what?

If not, do the employees get together and do something for them?

Should a company offer some kind of condolences or is it enough to just give bereavement time?

What is your opinion about any or all of this?

[Kiana]

Hmmm....good question.
I haven't and hope not to have this situation for a long time.....

I am actually not sure how our company would handle it for employees. I hope they would send something. But these days it does seem like companies are less and less caring in these types of ways.

[Txcorey]

I work for a church, so we may be a little different, but we typically send flowers for any of our employees that lose a loved one and we also do that if one of our members loses a loved one. We also get bereavement/funeral leave for a close family member. We have a school on campus and they do the same thing.

[iScrap]

My company sends out gift boxes to the employee with things like fruits, nuts, cookies, etc. as condolences from our individual departments. My team also assembles something more personal for the coworker and we've done coffee gift baskets, spa items, donations... whatever is meaningful for them.

I think every company is different, but I think it's strange not to send out at least a card from the company especially since they know the employee is out on bereavement.

Sending hugs to your sister as well.

[tjscraps]

I'm in HR, and I think it's crazy they have a policy they can't say sorry for your loss. I approve all compassionate leave requests and I say sorry for your loss on all of them.

We are a big company (1600 employees), with 26 locations - so the locations will do something more personal like flowers or card or whatever, but our senior admin team is notified and sends a card signed by all 7 of them whenever there's a close family member death.

[immaculeah]

When I lost my dad last June, my company sent flowers. With permission from the employee, HR sends out an email to the entire company with the funeral service, obituary, as well as employee's home address.

I received many sympathy cards from co-workers while others sent emails. One group/department sent a card with everyone signing their names. This actually made me cry after reading each personal condolence.

I think the company should offer some kind of condolences. I find it hard to believe there is a policy like that where they don't say/do anything. When I spoke to HR, the manager immediately said she was sorry for my loss. Later that same day, the flowers were delivered to my home. My dad lived overseas so I am not sure if it is any different if he was local.

[HavaDrPepper]

I worked at a small CPA firm when my mom passed in 1996. I had to go to Florida from Ohio to be with her at the end. It was over Christmas so I ended up with 13 days off of work because my dad and I had to come back to Ohio (as did Mom). I was salary so paid time off was not an issue. My co-workers closed the office to come to the viewing but not the funeral which was on Dec 31. My boss was on vacation during this time as well but did call to check on me a couple of times.

When my Dad passed away in 2016, I was working at a different company. Almost 200 employees but they did have a policy that addressed days off. The number of days depended on how close the relationship was. I had 3 days but took another 1.5 vacation days to deal with post funeral things. He passed away on Tuesday in NC and had to be brought back to Ohio to have the funeral. And, because of my job I actually worked half-days on Wed/Thurs/Fri to do some things that I had no backup for. I ended up with 3 days off the next week. The HR director asked me if there was something I preferred as to a memorial instead of flowers. I chose a wind chime. They normally did flowers or wind chimes or a donation to a charity. Several people came to the viewing which was on Father's Day. The co-owner of the company and 1 other person in management took the time out of their day to come to the funeral the next morning. I worked closely with both of them. Many employees also stopped by my desk to give me their condolences.

[LJSDesigns]

I knew my company was not normal. To be honest, the HR Director is a real piece of work, so it probably isn't a policy at all, just what was said when it got back to her that I had commented about the lack of condolences when I applied for my bereavement time.

[joelsgirl]

I'm sorry you weren't comforted by your coworkers during your loss, Lori.

At the school where I teach, when someone's close family dies, we usually take up money to help with expenses and the school sends flowers, as well as making everyone aware of the funeral/visitation arrangements.

[LeeAndra]

The only place I've worked for where they did something besides express condolences was at a small church. In the almost three years I was there, I believe 2 staff members had a close family member pass away. We sent flowers (although it was from the church's care fund and not from us as individuals), and when one of the pastor's parents passed away, we drove over to the visitation which was about 30 minutes from the church.

Where I work currently does not do anything but express condolences. There is no official HR so it's not that there's a policy; people are just not particularly close. Our boss' father passed away sometime in the last 18 months, and we didn't do anything for that. Now we are all remote in different states so we can't pass around an actual card but we do chip in to buy the boss a Christmas gift every year (which you're not supposed to do but that is besides the point) so it's not as if we never do it or can't do it.

[LJSDesigns]

Originally Posted by joelsgirl

I'm sorry you weren't comforted by your coworkers during your loss, Lori.

At the school where I teach, when someone's close family dies, we usually take up money to help with expenses and the school sends flowers, as well as making everyone aware of the funeral/visitation arrangements.

Thank you, Kellie. To be honest, I wasn't looking for comfort from HR, but just the basic respect of saying "I'm sorry about your mom." I know they are only words, but I believe in the power of words. Sure they are not going to change a thing, but they can offer a sense of the comfort you mention. My co-workers were very supportive and comforting, it's just the "business" that was not.

I guess I just feel like this is another "human" part of the work place that has or is slipping away from the average worker.

[Sherri Tierney]

I work in a school. A card goes around for things like this. In the event of a death, there is usually not much beyond a card and a card is typically only if it is a parent or child. Classified employees get bereavement pay, certified do not. Strange situation but it was taken out of the contract after people lied about deaths to get bereavement pay.

We have a social fund and flowers get sent if someone is in the hospital, etc. Something is done when someone has a baby or if someone is having their first grandchild. Grandchildren beyond that aren't recognized formally. Its actually very strange and it isn't something that comes from HR but rather some arbitrary rules someone made up once upon a time and people still use.

[lovely1m]

I am in the military but work in a large shop. We started something years ago where we all chip in (voluntarily) to pay for our holiday party and gifts/flowers for births, marriages, and deaths of immediate family members. The amount is based on rank.