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Old 11-14-2020, 03:40 PM
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Default Editing people out of photos

Do you do it??

I know it's controversial... after all, these people have been part of our life and our story. But, what about exes (boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands, or even friends)?

I just did a layout about Christmas last year. My youngest son's ex-girlfriend is in the photo. I asked if he minded. He said no, but that she might mind (he broke up with her, and she's still a FB friend of mine, so she'd see it). So, I spent the time to edit her out of the photo. I'm hoping it just looks like she wasn't close enough to be in the photo. Ugh!



I haven't scrapped a lot of my daughter's teenage years because she is very sensitive about her ex-boyfriends. She's married with kids now & doesn't want them in scrapbooks her kids would see.

My older son had a really bad relationship, and I have lots of photos that the ex is in, but they're good photos of him.

I've also edited my brother's fiance out of photos (very long, sad story).

When my mom was scrapping my growing-up years, she asked if I wanted my ex-stepdad in photos (we had a rough relationship). I said yes, sparsely, because he was part of my story.

My mom & I always joked that we were going to create a line of stickers that were paper bags to put over people's faces

So... my question is, what do you do with "undesirables" (kind of making light here. )?
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Old 11-14-2020, 04:06 PM
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Interesting question! Looking back at my scrapbooks growing up, I have photos of my 1st boyfriend in my albums. It doesn't bother me and it ends up being stories I can tell my girls (and many we laugh at).

As far as pages for my daughters, I continue to scrap layouts that include ex boyfriends, ex friends etc. I guess one day when I print albums of their growing up and school years...if they don't like it, they can look for that paper bag sticker to place over their head. But like one of my daughter's said, it is part of their history, it is a memory of there's.

So, I guess I will continue to scrap layouts that include people who may not be our favorites anymore, because it is a part of our past. It's part of who made us who we are today!
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Old 11-14-2020, 04:19 PM
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I do a year end video for work and was just thinking of this. I plan to do a very obvious edit, like just cut the person out and splice together.
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Old 11-14-2020, 04:30 PM
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Interesting question. I don't have any saved pics of my exboyfriends from high school...I am pretty sure they got trashed (by me) LOL I started dated my husband though my junior year of high school so those pics are still around and are our story....NOW

I have this page I just did...it has photos of my Dad's ex wife. I did NOT include photos of her holding my son. She is in the background of one of the photos only. I do have their wedding scrapping in an old paper scrapbook. Future scrapbook pages that I do I will NOT include her bc the relationship ended very badly and we never liked her to start with...I don't have a lot of pics of her just a few at Christmas/summer maybe. I still have the photos in my saved photos so they are there just not scrapped.






My 16yr old is not dating yet thankfully so I have not crossed that bridge yet...
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Old 11-14-2020, 05:33 PM
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Fun page Tammy!

I haven't had this issue yet, but I probably would scrap them as-is if I did. Unless I'm giving the album to someone else, I scrap my memories. When I give them as gifts, I print multiple versions of my albums every year. For example, for my husband's parents (divorced many years), I don't include pages of them or their respective "new" families in each other's albums. My album has every page I've made and then I pick and choose for those albums.
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Old 11-14-2020, 06:36 PM
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Depends on the undesirable. lol
Some I might leave in and there are definitely some others I'd scrap right out....lol
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Old 11-14-2020, 07:16 PM
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I do scrapbook exes... at that point in time, they were part of our story. Would I go back and redo a page because Mary is in it, my brother-in-laws ex wife? No. I don't have any ex-boyfriends as my husband was my first... he doesn't have any photos his one serious girlfriend from college (ahh... the days where film was expensive, haha). I might feel different when Jake is older and has ex's.
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Old 11-14-2020, 07:43 PM
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My SIL got divorced in July 2019, I was still working my way through all of our family photos, so I scrapped her ex-husband. It me it would be weird not to include him in family memories that he was a part of. They were married almost 10 years and together like 14.

It was weird, knowing he was no longer a part of the family, but I was capturing that moment in time.

I think just a girlfriend or boyfriend, depending on what it was, I'd probably just leave them out. But if they were around for years, I'd feel like I'd need to, but months, maybe not. IDK, my oldest is only 15, so we haven't run into any of that yet.
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Old 11-14-2020, 08:49 PM
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I have this rule for myself that whenever I will scrap a page for my ct, I always choose the “safe photos.” But for my project life, the one that I will print with all the details and stories, I add some photos so that one day when we look at it, we will remember the people that have been with us, good or bad. But even so, I always try to blur the faces of some of the people on my pages for privacy reason.
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Old 11-15-2020, 12:15 AM
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Interesting question! So far none of my kids has started dating, all of our close family members are still married to their first spouse, and the friends who have left our lives just drifted out rather than parting badly. My one long-term boyfriend before DH was a close friend for years before and after our relationship, so I wouldn't have edited him out but would have been selective about which photos I used.

The one time I've really struggled with whether to include someone was when I made my mother a 75th birthday photobook. My father's sister was part of our lives (though a somewhat distant part) until about 15 years ago. When my grandparents went into assisted living and then a nursing home, my aunt was put in charge of their finances. Long story short, she stole a lot of money from them and refused to pay their bills. Of course my father has absolutely no relationship with her anymore. But in the photobook I was scrapping pictures from my parents' wedding in 1970. The pictures with my grandparents all had my aunt in them. If I'd had the option to just use one without her I would have, but she was standing in places where it would have been very obvious if I edited her out. In the end I kept her in and used the pictures, but I still feel a little weird about it. Then again, I'd still feel a little weird about it if I'd edited her out. If I had a more recent picture with her in it I'd have edited her out without a second thought.
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Old 11-15-2020, 08:44 AM
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I've had this situation. My youngest daughter had two serious relationships; one ended badly and one she is still friends with. The "undesirable" all of the family would love that paper bag sticker. The "nice one" we will happily keep in the pictures. In fact, he is on the cover of the album I just completed. She jokingly said, "Really, my ex is on the cover?" Sure, it was a fun night and a great photo of all of us. I honestly, didn't put the ex-part of him in my thought process because he is still part of her life.

I think I will go with "They were part of our lives at one time" and look for the paper bag stickers. Maybe emojis would be good too.
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Old 11-15-2020, 01:32 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by craftytam View Post
I just did a layout about Christmas last year. My youngest son's ex-girlfriend is in the photo. I asked if he minded. He said no, but that she might mind (he broke up with her, and she's still a FB friend of mine, so she'd see it). So, I spent the time to edit her out of the photo. I'm hoping it just looks like she wasn't close enough to be in the photo. Ugh!
If your main issue (at least this time!) is social media, then another option is just to swap the photos on your personal copy. There have been many times when I scrapped a layout with a photo that I couldn't post for one reason or another, so I just used a different photo in that space for my gallery/social media layout.
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Old 11-15-2020, 04:29 PM
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Originally Posted by aussiegirl View Post
Interesting question! Looking back at my scrapbooks growing up, I have photos of my 1st boyfriend in my albums. It doesn't bother me and it ends up being stories I can tell my girls (and many we laugh at).

As far as pages for my daughters, I continue to scrap layouts that include ex boyfriends, ex friends etc. I guess one day when I print albums of their growing up and school years...if they don't like it, they can look for that paper bag sticker to place over their head. But like one of my daughter's said, it is part of their history, it is a memory of there's.

So, I guess I will continue to scrap layouts that include people who may not be our favorites anymore, because it is a part of our past. It's part of who made us who we are today!
I may have to invest in making the paper bag stickers after all. LOL! I like that you continue to scrap all of it, Dawn... the good, the bad & the ugly

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Originally Posted by lovely1m View Post
I do a year end video for work and was just thinking of this. I plan to do a very obvious edit, like just cut the person out and splice together.
Oh wow, Mari! I think it would be even harder to edit people out in a video.

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Originally Posted by Kimberly27 View Post
Interesting question. I don't have any saved pics of my exboyfriends from high school...I am pretty sure they got trashed (by me) LOL I started dated my husband though my junior year of high school so those pics are still around and are our story....NOW

I have this page I just did...it has photos of my Dad's ex wife. I did NOT include photos of her holding my son. She is in the background of one of the photos only. I do have their wedding scrapping in an old paper scrapbook. Future scrapbook pages that I do I will NOT include her bc the relationship ended very badly and we never liked her to start with...I don't have a lot of pics of her just a few at Christmas/summer maybe. I still have the photos in my saved photos so they are there just not scrapped.

My 16yr old is not dating yet thankfully so I have not crossed that bridge yet...
You really made me laugh about trashing ex-boyfriend photos, Kimberly! I don't really mind the ones that are in my albums. I don't have photos of all my exes (LOL! That sounds bad), and there are some I would probably mind if the photos were there. My hubby & I started dating in my senior year. I'm kind of thankful for that... no more exes. LOL!

I like that you left your dad's ex in sparsely, but won't add more.

Hehe! Oh, you're not to the fun part yet... your kids dating
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Old 11-15-2020, 04:34 PM
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Originally Posted by SeattleSheri View Post
Fun page Tammy!

I haven't had this issue yet, but I probably would scrap them as-is if I did. Unless I'm giving the album to someone else, I scrap my memories. When I give them as gifts, I print multiple versions of my albums every year. For example, for my husband's parents (divorced many years), I don't include pages of them or their respective "new" families in each other's albums. My album has every page I've made and then I pick and choose for those albums.
Thanks, Sheri!

That totally makes sense. That is one really good thing about digi - being able to pick & choose.

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Originally Posted by Kiana View Post
Depends on the undesirable. lol
Some I might leave in and there are definitely some others I'd scrap right out....lol
ROFL! Good point, Kiana!

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Originally Posted by MamaBee View Post
I do scrapbook exes... at that point in time, they were part of our story. Would I go back and redo a page because Mary is in it, my brother-in-laws ex wife? No. I don't have any ex-boyfriends as my husband was my first... he doesn't have any photos his one serious girlfriend from college (ahh... the days where film was expensive, haha). I might feel different when Jake is older and has ex's.
That totally makes sense, Rebecca. I guess if I were scrapping current photos, the exes would definitely be on the page. I wouldn't go back and re-scrap things either.
Aaaaawww!! That's so totally sweet that your hubby was your first!!!

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Originally Posted by nesser1981 View Post
My SIL got divorced in July 2019, I was still working my way through all of our family photos, so I scrapped her ex-husband. It me it would be weird not to include him in family memories that he was a part of. They were married almost 10 years and together like 14.

It was weird, knowing he was no longer a part of the family, but I was capturing that moment in time.

I think just a girlfriend or boyfriend, depending on what it was, I'd probably just leave them out. But if they were around for years, I'd feel like I'd need to, but months, maybe not. IDK, my oldest is only 15, so we haven't run into any of that yet.
I hadn't even thought about my SIL's ex! Thankfully he wasn't around much, but our daughter was in her wedding... I guess he'll have to be in the album. LOL!
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Old 11-15-2020, 04:43 PM
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Originally Posted by cherrygutz View Post
I have this rule for myself that whenever I will scrap a page for my ct, I always choose the “safe photos.” But for my project life, the one that I will print with all the details and stories, I add some photos so that one day when we look at it, we will remember the people that have been with us, good or bad. But even so, I always try to blur the faces of some of the people on my pages for privacy reason.
That's a good point, Cherry - using "safe photos" for CT pages. Right now, all I scrap are CT pages. Once I get back to scrapping everything, those people will probably be on the page.

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Originally Posted by rach3975 View Post
Interesting question! So far none of my kids has started dating, all of our close family members are still married to their first spouse, and the friends who have left our lives just drifted out rather than parting badly. My one long-term boyfriend before DH was a close friend for years before and after our relationship, so I wouldn't have edited him out but would have been selective about which photos I used.

The one time I've really struggled with whether to include someone was when I made my mother a 75th birthday photobook. My father's sister was part of our lives (though a somewhat distant part) until about 15 years ago. When my grandparents went into assisted living and then a nursing home, my aunt was put in charge of their finances. Long story short, she stole a lot of money from them and refused to pay their bills. Of course my father has absolutely no relationship with her anymore. But in the photobook I was scrapping pictures from my parents' wedding in 1970. The pictures with my grandparents all had my aunt in them. If I'd had the option to just use one without her I would have, but she was standing in places where it would have been very obvious if I edited her out. In the end I kept her in and used the pictures, but I still feel a little weird about it. Then again, I'd still feel a little weird about it if I'd edited her out. If I had a more recent picture with her in it I'd have edited her out without a second thought.
Wow, Rachel! I would love to have such stability!

I agree with you on how you handled your mom's photobook, and what you would do with current photos. Do you think at some point you would scrap what happened with your aunt so that future generations know why she's not on any more recent pages? Or just let it go without explanation?

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Originally Posted by jema View Post
I've had this situation. My youngest daughter had two serious relationships; one ended badly and one she is still friends with. The "undesirable" all of the family would love that paper bag sticker. The "nice one" we will happily keep in the pictures. In fact, he is on the cover of the album I just completed. She jokingly said, "Really, my ex is on the cover?" Sure, it was a fun night and a great photo of all of us. I honestly, didn't put the ex-part of him in my thought process because he is still part of her life.

I think I will go with "They were part of our lives at one time" and look for the paper bag stickers. Maybe emojis would be good too.
Good point, Jema. There are some boyfriends I don't even have photos of, thankfully, and some I don't mind. Haha! That you put him on the cover is really funny!!

Emojis would be a good cover, too! Hmm... I might have to explore that one!

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Originally Posted by rach3975 View Post
If your main issue (at least this time!) is social media, then another option is just to swap the photos on your personal copy. There have been many times when I scrapped a layout with a photo that I couldn't post for one reason or another, so I just used a different photo in that space for my gallery/social media layout.
Epiphany moment, Rachel!! I don't know why I never thought of doing that!
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Old 11-15-2020, 07:11 PM
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I just looked at the 2 vacations I went on with a boyfriend 40 years ago. I did not put any photos of him on the layouts for either of them. In the journaling for the Florida trip, I just mentioned "a friend" went with me to visit my grandparents. The one photo I had of him in the distance that I wanted to use, I was able to crop him out because the actual focal point of the photo was the seagull sitting on the dock post about 8 feet from him.

We did start dating within the next month and went to the Kentucky Derby that May. There are no photos of him and me together but he was mentioned in the journaling along with the other couple we went with.

I have also scrapped the wedding photos for my cousin's daughter. Her son has 2 daughters but was never married to the mother. However, the mother was considered a member of the family and is in all the family photos at the wedding. No way to edit her out so she's there. She was also in the background of photos of another family get-together a couple years before that. Again, no way to edit her out but at least this time it was just background.

It is hard to decide what to do but for me, I consider can the story be told without those photos? If so, don't use them. If not, then use them. But then I won't have to deal with this for me since I have no children and have never married. The one boyfriend is probably the only one I actually have photos of anyways!
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Old 11-15-2020, 09:11 PM
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I agree with you on how you handled your mom's photobook, and what you would do with current photos. Do you think at some point you would scrap what happened with your aunt so that future generations know why she's not on any more recent pages? Or just let it go without explanation?
I'll probably let it go--there are lots of distant relatives that we never see and no one would think twice that they aren't in the scrapbooks, and that's probably what will happen with her. After I moved out of my parents' house to go to college she became a relative I only saw once a year, so it's not like she was a big part of our lives and then she suddenly wasn't. The years-long legal battle is almost over so I may make a quick mention of it then, but nothing detailed.
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Old 11-15-2020, 09:57 PM
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I either crop the photo to cut out unwanted people or will overlay products to cover it up.
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Old 11-16-2020, 02:13 PM
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I think unless there was trauma related to that particular person you don't want showing, then I would keep the photos as is. It is part of who we are and how it happened. So I wouldn't want to edit that. But again, if there was some bad things happening, like really bad things, then I would edit it. Or just add foliage right on top of their face.
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Old 11-16-2020, 04:50 PM
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I am very much a "telling the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth" scrapper so no, I don't leave out the bad bits or the ex-people. The nice thing about only being a little "behind" in my scrapping is that most or all of the photos have already been scrapped before the person's cut out of the family!

A family member went through a rough divorce a couple years ago. Since their child is nearly grown, I don't ever see their ex or have pictures of them since the split. I do have a handful of photos pre-split but they're nothing special or that has to be told. I did scrap the last birthday party/photos while they were together because they were the family's member birthday and would have looked strange left out of my album. The ex was in every single photo I took.

I agree with the others who mention not sharing "controversial" layouts/photos on social media + including people based on their longevity & importance. An ex-spouse & especially one with whom the family member had children? I wouldn't leave them out. A childhood boyfriend/girlfriend who was only around a few months? I wouldn't need to include them.

Even my ex from many moons ago, who was abusive, was scrapped. I am waiting to print that album but I will print it and I will have it on my shelves with all of my other albums. It's part of my history. All the pages I made of his children (the bulk of my scrapping those four years) will be printed off and sent in albums to his (now adult) children for their memory-keeping.
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Old 11-16-2020, 10:55 PM
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I have done this as a service to a couple people. My sister's sister-in-law (her hubby's sister) was murdered by her husband. They had no photos of her and her daughter without him, I photoshopped him out of 10-12 photos for them because looking at him caused immense trauma, but they wanted her daughter (then 3 years old) to remember her mom.

I also photoshopped out my cousin's ex when they broke up (bad breakup).

I didn't scrap any of these pics, but figured why not?
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Old 11-17-2020, 03:58 PM
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I have done this as a service to a couple people. My sister's sister-in-law (her hubby's sister) was murdered by her husband. They had no photos of her and her daughter without him, I photoshopped him out of 10-12 photos for them because looking at him caused immense trauma, but they wanted her daughter (then 3 years old) to remember her mom.

I also photoshopped out my cousin's ex when they broke up (bad breakup).

I didn't scrap any of these pics, but figured why not?
ugh! How awful! No wonder you would want to take that person out.
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Old 11-18-2020, 10:22 AM
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I do what most people have suggested - I don't take them out, they are part of the story for that period in time. That doesn't mean that I put them front and center necessarily either. I choose photos without them if I can or if they are in the photo they stay, and I partially crop them out or cover them up if there is some reason to not want them in the photo. One of my older daughter's exes was around for all 4 years of high school even though they broke up early in their junior year. He is still friends with the twins and they have seen him in person when they have gone back to CO for visits. Other exes I just don't scrap about, but I have kept the photos and if at some point down the road there is some reason to the photos are tucked away on the hard drive. My youngest had her first boyfriend this last year, and it didn't end that well (sigh, too early to have to deal with that but the heart goes where it wants sometimes). His family moved across the country this summer and before he left my daughter requested that I take some photos/portraits of them together. They broke up within a month and half of his family moving. I have the photos, but probably won't be scrapping them any time soon. They were in marching band in the same section last year so when I scrapbook pics of Sarah there is a good chance he will be in them. I won't take him out of those because they are being 'professional' in those and there is no indication of there being a personal relationship unless you know otherwise.
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Old 11-18-2020, 03:13 PM
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I'm definitely guilty of sticking some elements over some faces that I do not want in the picture. It's not like we can go back in time and retake the picture, so sometimes you just have to be creative!
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Old 11-18-2020, 05:20 PM
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When I look back at my scrapbook pages I only want to see happy memories. Out they go!!!
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Old 11-19-2020, 07:23 PM
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Originally Posted by HavaDrPepper View Post
I just looked at the 2 vacations I went on with a boyfriend 40 years ago. I did not put any photos of him on the layouts for either of them. In the journaling for the Florida trip, I just mentioned "a friend" went with me to visit my grandparents. The one photo I had of him in the distance that I wanted to use, I was able to crop him out because the actual focal point of the photo was the seagull sitting on the dock post about 8 feet from him.

We did start dating within the next month and went to the Kentucky Derby that May. There are no photos of him and me together but he was mentioned in the journaling along with the other couple we went with.

I have also scrapped the wedding photos for my cousin's daughter. Her son has 2 daughters but was never married to the mother. However, the mother was considered a member of the family and is in all the family photos at the wedding. No way to edit her out so she's there. She was also in the background of photos of another family get-together a couple years before that. Again, no way to edit her out but at least this time it was just background.

It is hard to decide what to do but for me, I consider can the story be told without those photos? If so, don't use them. If not, then use them. But then I won't have to deal with this for me since I have no children and have never married. The one boyfriend is probably the only one I actually have photos of anyways!
This totally makes sense, and is a good way to decide on whether to use a photo or not.

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Originally Posted by rach3975 View Post
I'll probably let it go--there are lots of distant relatives that we never see and no one would think twice that they aren't in the scrapbooks, and that's probably what will happen with her. After I moved out of my parents' house to go to college she became a relative I only saw once a year, so it's not like she was a big part of our lives and then she suddenly wasn't. The years-long legal battle is almost over so I may make a quick mention of it then, but nothing detailed.
I suppose it's made easier when the person is someone who hasn't had a major presence in our lives.

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Originally Posted by bcgal00 View Post
I either crop the photo to cut out unwanted people or will overlay products to cover it up.
Straight & to the point, Rae!!
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  #27  
Old 11-19-2020, 07:45 PM
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Originally Posted by Leablahblah View Post
I think unless there was trauma related to that particular person you don't want showing, then I would keep the photos as is. It is part of who we are and how it happened. So I wouldn't want to edit that. But again, if there was some bad things happening, like really bad things, then I would edit it. Or just add foliage right on top of their face.
I guess it depends on the scrapper if they want to address the trauma? I've long debated scrapping my brother's suicide, and his fiance's role in it. ...I may not use her photo because her face makes me sick, but I might journal the story.

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Originally Posted by LeeAndra View Post
I am very much a "telling the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth" scrapper so no, I don't leave out the bad bits or the ex-people. The nice thing about only being a little "behind" in my scrapping is that most or all of the photos have already been scrapped before the person's cut out of the family!

A family member went through a rough divorce a couple years ago. Since their child is nearly grown, I don't ever see their ex or have pictures of them since the split. I do have a handful of photos pre-split but they're nothing special or that has to be told. I did scrap the last birthday party/photos while they were together because they were the family's member birthday and would have looked strange left out of my album. The ex was in every single photo I took.

I agree with the others who mention not sharing "controversial" layouts/photos on social media + including people based on their longevity & importance. An ex-spouse & especially one with whom the family member had children? I wouldn't leave them out. A childhood boyfriend/girlfriend who was only around a few months? I wouldn't need to include them.

Even my ex from many moons ago, who was abusive, was scrapped. I am waiting to print that album but I will print it and I will have it on my shelves with all of my other albums. It's part of my history. All the pages I made of his children (the bulk of my scrapping those four years) will be printed off and sent in albums to his (now adult) children for their memory-keeping.
That's probably the biggest variable. Sharing on social media sure changed memory keeping!!

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Originally Posted by tjscraps View Post
I have done this as a service to a couple people. My sister's sister-in-law (her hubby's sister) was murdered by her husband. They had no photos of her and her daughter without him, I photoshopped him out of 10-12 photos for them because looking at him caused immense trauma, but they wanted her daughter (then 3 years old) to remember her mom.

I also photoshopped out my cousin's ex when they broke up (bad breakup).

I didn't scrap any of these pics, but figured why not?
I would have no qualms about deleting that person!!
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  #28  
Old 11-19-2020, 07:51 PM
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Originally Posted by mmbstaley View Post
I do what most people have suggested - I don't take them out, they are part of the story for that period in time. That doesn't mean that I put them front and center necessarily either. I choose photos without them if I can or if they are in the photo they stay, and I partially crop them out or cover them up if there is some reason to not want them in the photo. One of my older daughter's exes was around for all 4 years of high school even though they broke up early in their junior year. He is still friends with the twins and they have seen him in person when they have gone back to CO for visits. Other exes I just don't scrap about, but I have kept the photos and if at some point down the road there is some reason to the photos are tucked away on the hard drive. My youngest had her first boyfriend this last year, and it didn't end that well (sigh, too early to have to deal with that but the heart goes where it wants sometimes). His family moved across the country this summer and before he left my daughter requested that I take some photos/portraits of them together. They broke up within a month and half of his family moving. I have the photos, but probably won't be scrapping them any time soon. They were in marching band in the same section last year so when I scrapbook pics of Sarah there is a good chance he will be in them. I won't take him out of those because they are being 'professional' in those and there is no indication of there being a personal relationship unless you know otherwise.
One idea I had (after my youngest's first prom) was when "couples" are doing prom photos, they should do individual photos. They're both dressed up and (at least for the girls) spent a lot of money on hair & make up. A lot of these teens end up not together after high school. How nice it would be to have photos of them without their girlfriend/boyfriend.

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Originally Posted by 3BluEyedBabi View Post
I'm definitely guilty of sticking some elements over some faces that I do not want in the picture. It's not like we can go back in time and retake the picture, so sometimes you just have to be creative!
Some of the photos, I'm trying to be stealthy with, but others I think covering the face would be sufficient.

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Originally Posted by Kjersti View Post
When I look back at my scrapbook pages I only want to see happy memories. Out they go!!!
That totally makes sense, Kjersti!!
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  #29  
Old 11-28-2020, 10:42 PM
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I'm part of a group where people are constantly asking others to crop "undesirables" out of their photos. Everyone always speculates on the reason. When the poster shares the reason it is often bad breakups.

We don't have a lot of reasons to crop people out here. My daughter has a couple of ex-boyfriends. One she is still really good friends with. Another she has nothing to do with and swears she hates. I have scrapped some of the pictures of them together and I will probably scrap a few more pages. He was here for Thanksgiving last year. I won't make him the focus, but I won't crop him out. I'll treat the pictures like I would if I were just creating a page for us right after the event, while he was still in the picture.

I don't have a lot of exes and I don't have any pictures from those days. My husband has a couple of serious exes. One is the mother of his oldest son. There are still pictures of her around but I won't scrap them. There is no need. He has the pictures in a small album and they are in a box... somewhere. We will probably send them to his son at some point. Its all old news though. My step-son is 28 years old now.
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Old 12-06-2020, 10:43 PM
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So, something I don't necessarily enjoy talking about too much is my recent history with my mom's side of the family. After my mother died in 2013, my relationship with them fell apart. They're not great people, in my opinion. They gave me what you might call a "complex", being raised in kind of a cruel and somewhat mentally abusive way - the old "you need to grow a thicker skin" mindset. A very vivid memory that I have is when I was 15-16 years old and got my hair that had always been shoulder length or longer cut into an emo-punk pixie cut - or whatever you'd call it. Cropped off almost entirely in the back with longer bangs in the front. Some might call it a reverse mullet, or nowadays a "Karen" cut even though that term didn't exist then (this was early 2000s - maybe '01 or '02). Anyway it was drastic for me but looked pretty good, my parents supported my decision and I loved it, and it was a big step for me in regards to starting to become my own person. My uncle from another state visited shortly after, and when he saw it he said something to the effect of "Were you going for the d*ke look?" (Censored because the word is pretty offensive.) Needless to say I went off to my room and bawled my eyes out. My mom chewed him and my grandmother out, and in response she was told "It was just a joke; she has to finally learn how to take a joke sometime in her life." It wasn't ever intended as a joke, and I never did get any sort of apology for that, I just had to "move on" on my own. It would be offensive on its own, but an added detail of this story is that no one in my family knew at that point that I was bisexual, I had not come out yet to them. Anyway, that's just one example of the way my mom's side of the family was. The day that my grandmother, red-faced, called me a "selfish b*tch" to my face was the day I was done. I have had no contact with any of them since; in fact I've moved twice since then and I'm not even sure how many details they know about my moves or my whereabouts. One of the only things I do know is that my uncle has since made claims that he believes my dad "murdered" my mother and that he should be charged. (She died of a rare blood cancer in one of the best cancer hospitals in the country - my dad willingly went bankrupt trying to save her. I believe my uncle is beyond insane.)

Anyway, when I started scrapbooking again I had a rough choice to make. I don't have many photos of them but I do have some. My son is old enough to remember them so I can't just erase them from his existence. At the same time, I'm still so angry (especially after hearing that "murder" thing) I don't want to see their faces.

To my recollection I've only scrapped pictures with them in them twice since I started back up - once for a challenge here and one page while working on my son's first year album. I only do it when I'm mentally prepared to stare at a picture of these people for an hour or longer. I decided it's not fair of me to cut them out of my son's scrapbooks - simply because he IS old enough to remember these people, and if I'm "controlling" what goes in these books that will one day be passed down to him because of my anger, I'm stealing a chunk of his history that isn't mine to steal. On the other hand I do not go out of my way to make sure they are included, or go out of my way to scrap the photos if I'm not mentally ready to do that. It's not quite the same as scrapping a photo of an ex. But...I've more willingly scrapped photos of exes than photos of my family, so...take from that what you will lol.
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