What would you do?

[MommaTrish]

What would you do if you just found out that your child who is already grounded from everything has been hiding about 1/2 his dinners on the floor in the kitchen behind stuff?

[Ginger_79]

I would probably be pissed off.

But I would also ask myself, why my kid rather hides dinner leftovers than leave them on the plate. At least I assume it is leftovers? Maybe you should talk to your kiddo, why this was going on. I know I was a picky eater and had my battles with my mom about what and how much I'd eat. But I was never forced to eat anything and I knew that. So while I didn't like the debates, I never felt the need to secretly throw things away.

The onlys thing like that I can remember was my sister hiding pills she had to take under a loose floor of a terrace. Apparently she felt under so much pressure from my parents, that she did that. In fear she'd be told off otherwise. I remember this was solved with a long conversation about medicine and lots of hugs.

[MommaTrish]

Well, I know lately we've thought making him stay by himself after we all finish must've been really working. Because we would get up and he'd go from having half his food left to 5 minutes later being done. We thought just removing the distraction of us as working. Obviously that's not what was working though since he's just hiding the food.

[Ginger_79]

Hmm. Maybe he somehow felt being left alone was some sort of punishment, he wanted to end quickly? Or he simply didn't like sitting there without anyone?

I mean, depending on his age he might have felt excluded from family life for not having eaten up yet.

[newfiemountiewife]

I always sit with mine, even if I'm finished, because if I don't, they will never eat it. Or, they will hide it/throw it out. I don't trust them for a second lol

[rach3975]

The "rule" I've read about feeding kids is that parents decide what foods to offer, but kids decide how much to eat. I think I'd have a talk with him about why he was doing it. It sounds like he may be getting more food than he's hungry for but feeling like he can't just stop eating when he's done. If it was something along those lines, I'd apologize for making him feel that way and brainstorm ways to change the behavior on both parts (ie, you give him smaller helpings, he tell you when he's had enough instead of hiding food). As mad as it might make me to have to find and clean it all up, I'd focus on the underlying problem and not punish. However, I would have him help clean it up. And if it happened again, then there would be consequences.

[kresta]

Yes, I'd also have him clean it up. And I'd also explain that technically, that was not being honest, and being dishonest is not an okay thing in our home.

I give our children very small portions for dinner, just a few bites of each dish. My mother-in-law laughs about it every time and says it looks like they would be starving. But here's why I do it: We expect them to eat what's on their plate. If there's less on their plate, it's less intimidating for them and it's less of a battle for us if they really don't like it. Also, my children are always welcome to ask for more if they would like more. So they certainly always have enough.

[emmasmommy]

Originally Posted by kresta

Yes, I'd also have him clean it up. And I'd also explain that technically, that was not being honest, and being dishonest is not an okay thing in our home.

I give our children very small portions for dinner, just a few bites of each dish. My mother-in-law laughs about it every time and says it looks like they would be starving. But here's why I do it: We expect them to eat what's on their plate. If there's less on their plate, it's less intimidating for them and it's less of a battle for us if they really don't like it. Also, my children are always welcome to ask for more if they would like more. So they certainly always have enough.

i could have written this word for word.

[Leah]

Originally Posted by kresta

Yes, I'd also have him clean it up. And I'd also explain that technically, that was not being honest, and being dishonest is not an okay thing in our home.

I give our children very small portions for dinner, just a few bites of each dish. My mother-in-law laughs about it every time and says it looks like they would be starving. But here's why I do it: We expect them to eat what's on their plate. If there's less on their plate, it's less intimidating for them and it's less of a battle for us if they really don't like it. Also, my children are always welcome to ask for more if they would like more. So they certainly always have enough.

This is what I do at our house as well. They're always welcome to have more if they're still hungry, but you eat what you're given, so I give them less. We also sit at the table with our kids, so there's no farting around. I am very particular about meal times - you eat what's served, you sit still and mind your manners. We all want to enjoy meal time, a time for our family to come together in one spot, so it's important that they have respect for others at the table.

There's no where in our kitchen for things to be "hidden" and we're all responsible for meal clean-up, including vacuuming the floors, so the lost would be found pretty darn quick.

[kresta]

Originally Posted by paperboutique

we're all responsible for meal clean-up

Yes, our children help clean up as well. They at least put their plates in/at the sink (even our 2-yr. old!).

[AmyG]

Anything hidden here would be eaten by the dog lol! My rule is they take a bite of everything, even if it's something they don't like. If they put it on their plate, then they are expected to eat it. We have dinner at the table, as a family, every night. I grew up that way and it's just how we've always done it. My kids are not picky, so I don't have a lot of advice for picky eaters. My 4 year old eats very tiny amounts and snacks all day, which is fine with me since it's all healthy stuff. Same with dinner, it's about two bites of everything but usually at breakfast she chows down. It balances out.

My BFFs son has super ADD/ADHD and as a toddler would not sit and eat. And stubborn! She could sit with him and it would never happen. You cannot make a child eat or go to the bathroom when/where you want. Having them over at holidays was painful to watch because she would force feed him until he ate an amount satisfactory to her. He just wouldn't sit. His meal times at home were take a few bites, get up and wander, come back and eat, rinse and repeat. He grew out of it but I have no idea what I would have done in her situation.

I would talk to him about why he hid it-could be anything at that age and explain it's a no no. If it were me I would do this: If he doesn't finish dinner wrap it up and when you hear "I'm hungry" later on reheat it and give it back to him. Hang in there and hugs.

[newfiemountiewife]

Originally Posted by kresta

Yes, our children help clean up as well. They at least put their plates in/at the sink (even our 2-yr. old!).

Ours do too, they all bring out their dishes and their place mats out themselves.

[4noisyboys]

Originally Posted by MommaTrish

What would you do if you just found out that your child who is already grounded from everything has been hiding about 1/2 his dinners on the floor in the kitchen behind stuff?

I think I'd try to figure out what's really going on.

Why is he grounded from things?

Are his portions too big?

I don't think I'd make a big deal about it. Have him clean it up. He was being dishonest and that I'd deal with. Like the girls said, I'd give tiny portions of each thing. I'd probably set a timer too, so that when everyone is done, he has another few minutes to finish, and if it's not done, then that will be all he gets. I never made my boys finish what was on their plates...even if it was a small portion. I just don't think that's necessary. They just don't get anything else that night.

I don't think meal times should be that stressful. Either they eat or they don't. They won't starve.

[taracotta7]

I do as Kresta said.

BUT I was running into a problem....DS either didn't want to eat at meal time and I would save his plate for when he said he was hungry or wanted a snack. His dinner would be his snack. That got tiring for me so I changed it about a year ago to if DS decides he doesn't want to eat what is on the plate, then I don't make him. He has the choice to eat what is prepared for him or not to eat. Yes, there were a few evenings he went to bed with no dinner but it didn't take long for him to figure out that lesson. We now have dinner where there are no arguments and we actually enjoy our time together. Even if DS doesn't want to eat dinner, he has to sit there and be part of the family discussion. It has really worked for us.

[4noisyboys]

I agree with you Tara...that's how we did things.

[Leah]

Originally Posted by taracotta7

I do as Kresta said.

BUT I was running into a problem....DS either didn't want to eat at meal time and I would save his plate for when he said he was hungry or wanted a snack. His dinner would be his snack. That got tiring for me so I changed it about a year ago to if DS decides he doesn't want to eat what is on the plate, then I don't make him. He has the choice to eat what is prepared for him or not to eat. Yes, there were a few evenings he went to bed with no dinner but it didn't take long for him to figure out that lesson. We now have dinner where there are no arguments and we actually enjoy our time together. Even if DS doesn't want to eat dinner, he has to sit there and be part of the family discussion. It has really worked for us.

This happens at our house too.

[taracotta7]

It just makes meal time peaceful and drama free! I love it!

[MommaTrish]

I don't give him much food at all, him and his brother get less food starting out than Belly, and she's two. From the looks of it he's been doing this with every meal. Ryan is really really social and unless it's something he just loves (such as pizza) he barely touches his food while others are in the kitchen with him, he's too busy talking and being silly. We don't make them finish all the food on their plates, if they don't then they just don't get anything else later, if they do they can have a treat of some kind. (generally just a cookie) The boys load their own dishes when they're done eating and wipe up their areas. The dog food (what Ryan has been hiding his food behind) is close to Ryan's seat in a corner. We don't really have anywhere else to put it, because we found when we kept it in the laundry room we got ants and mice.
And yeah I plan to make him clean it up when he gets home from school.

[Ginger_79]

Oh I think I see your problem. When he's so social he probably hates being left behind and hides the food, but doesn't eat when you're there.

Do you think it would help if you get your family all come together in the kitchen BEFORE dinner starts? You know, helping you set the table and babbling about the day ect. So he can maybe get some of his stories and exitement out before the food is ready?

Other than that I think no kid has ever starved in a house with food. I know it will be super hard and very annoying, when he later asks for food. Just sending hugs and patience!

[rach3975]

Originally Posted by MommaTrish

Ryan is really really social and unless it's something he just loves (such as pizza) he barely touches his food while others are in the kitchen with him, he's too busy talking and being silly.

If you think he really needs some time alone to eat, maybe starting him a few minutes earlier than everyone else would work better. That way he's alone for the part of his meal when he's really hungry as opposed to the end, when he's almost done and maybe feeling like he's being pressured to keep eating anyway.

[BrattyMeg]

I haven't read all the replies (read a few though) but I'm not an advocate for making a child finish all their food. (I really think that's what led to my food issues down the road) I do make them take a bite of everything but I think kids pretty much know when they are full or don't want any more. I'd just make sure the other kids aren't playing and he wants to get up and play even if he's "not finished" on his own..(meaning not full...not plate cleaned)

I agree with letting him start a few mins earlier and sitting with him if you can vs having him sit alone after everybody else is finished. He probably just feels left out.

[Jengerbread88]

Originally Posted by FlirtatiousBrat

I haven't read all the replies (read a few though) but I'm not an advocate for making a child finish all their food.

This. It's been proven by many studies that making a child clean their plate can cause two things:

1) It makes you feel like you HAVE to clean your plate, even if it's consuming more than your body needs.
2) It makes food a "punishment," forcing you to eat more than you want, and therefore, can lead to an eating disorder.
It also turns food into punishment/reward rather than sustenance. By saying "You can't have ____ unless you eat all your dinner," it makes people tend to overeat, and then see food as a reward, which can lead to unhealthy eating habits later.

[nun69]

We start with small portions and they aren't required to finish everything, but if they don't then they don't eat anything else

And I totally have a social butterfly...right now she is still eating her dinner and her 3 y/o brother inhaled his double cheeseburger, fries and drink already!!!!!

have you tried asking him why he didn't finish his food?

[MommaTrish]

Originally Posted by nun69

have you tried asking him why he didn't finish his food?

I asked him while I was supervising him cleaning the mess up. He said it wasn't fair that Zach got more time to play after dinner than he did, or that Zach got his cookie before him.

[nun69]

Originally Posted by MommaTrish

I asked him while I was supervising him cleaning the mess up. He said it wasn't fair that Zach got more time to play after dinner than he did, or that Zach got his cookie before him.

ah ha........so maybe now he understands if he wants playtime and a cookie, then he needs ot eat dinner!

[kristijoy]

Originally Posted by rach3975

The "rule" I've read about feeding kids is that parents decide what foods to offer, but kids decide how much to eat. I think I'd have a talk with him about why he was doing it. It sounds like he may be getting more food than he's hungry for but feeling like he can't just stop eating when he's done. If it was something along those lines, I'd apologize for making him feel that way and brainstorm ways to change the behavior on both parts (ie, you give him smaller helpings, he tell you when he's had enough instead of hiding food). As mad as it might make me to have to find and clean it all up, I'd focus on the underlying problem and not punish. However, I would have him help clean it up. And if it happened again, then there would be consequences.

This rule works great in our house. If he doesn't eat then he doesn't eat. I do not badger him. That just makes it worse. I've watched friends of mine have a all out war with their kids at the table every time they sit to eat. No fun. Much easier to say: eat or don't eat.

I've also found he will eventually eat. The same book that rule came from also said you should offer some kind of meal/snack every 3 or so hours. So if they don't eat one then they will eat the other. On the nights he has a very scanty dinner, he usually eats a really big breakfast.

This works IF each meal/snack is something healthy to eat. If the evening (before bed-time) snack is always a treat then I'm pretty sure the kid would just eat those. But our evening snack is rarely a treat. Often we have scrambled eggs. Sometimes popcorn or pretzels. And sometimes even fruit! And then occasionally I offer a treat -- not as a reward but as a surprise: Mommy has chocolate pudding!

I wish I could remember the name of that book. The women was incredible. Amazing testimonials about creating healthy eating habits for kids.

[scrappurple]

I will always remeber Dr. Phill talking about this issue. You eat as a family. Give proper portions for their age and they have to eat what you are eating (no giving different foods for each meal). You have 20-30 to finish the meal. If they do not finish the meal, you put the remainder in the refrigerator. Then for the next meal time (if it was dinner, then at breakfast. If it was lunch, then snack time. Etc.), you give them back what the did not eat and that is their meal until they finish it. Yep, give it to them cold. They had their chance at a warm homecooked meal once. Of course, they will not want to eat cold dinner for breakfast, so they probably won't eat it. That is fine, it is their choice. DO.NOT. give them anything else to eat until they finish their dinner. Offer it for a snack, or if they complain that they are hungry, offer their dinner to eat. Eventually, they will get hungry enough to finish. It will take A LOT of patience and will power for you to not give in. They will be cranky, throw fits, etc. Just keep telling them, that they had the choice to eat their dinner last night. Because of THEIR choice, they are now getting it for a meal until they finish it.

I did this with my girls and it worked. It probably took 3 different times times of fighting and fits and letting them know that I would win. They would eat their dinner. It was just up to them when they would eat it.

Now granted, we all have 1 or 2 foods that we can not stand. Give grace for that, but otherwise, stick to your guns. You can do it!!!

[DawnMarch]

I have nothing to add to what's already by suggested, but I did have to laugh. My mom had a rule that you didn't leave the table until you had eaten all your veggies. Guess what she found behind the fridge when we moved? A whole lot of old, petirifed veggies that I had apparently thrown back there. I was probably around 3 and don't remember any of it but it is a classic story in our house.