wills/guardianship of children/etc

[lauren grier]

Do any of you have a will ? Did you go through a lawyer or did you draw it up yourself and get the notary/witnesses dealio?

Did you name guardians for your kids? How on earth did you decide who to name??

This is something serious i've been thinking about for the past year.. and It's pretty important imo that I get it taken care of so that ce is taken care of & safe if anything happens to me. My parents are younger-ish. My mom is only 53 but I also have a 26 year old brother.. *shrugs* (obv i would need to talk to whomever first.. LOL but i'd have to make some decisions before i even got to that conversation.) I mean, obv, hopefully nothing ever happens to me but last year was a bit of a nudge to remind me that i am not in fact invincible

[maryinaz]

We have one, but it's old from before the twins were born. My husband is a lawyer, so he drew it up, but we had it notarized and everything. He says it is still valid because it indicates ALL of our children, not just the older 2 by name.

We had a really tough time choosing a potential guardian. We both have big families with lots of siblings, but each of them have situations that would not be ideal (either they live far away or are weird :P ). Our parents were all older (and now only my mom is left), so while that would have been our first choice, it just wouldn't work. We ended up choosing my sister, but now, since Grant is an adult and Wyatt is almost an adult, other things could be worked out. (Hmmm...we should talk about that I guess.)

However, it IS the reason my husband and I have never both been away from the boys. We just never wanted them to have to live with someone else and taking on FOUR extra children would not have been easy for anyone, no matter how much they would love them.

I would try to choose the person who could give CE the life most like what he has with you. With your mom being so young, she sounds like a good choice (without knowing anything else about her).

[MamaBee]

We have wills too, but they are outdated... we did go to a lawyer, however when we update, we'll do it ourselves and go an get them notarized... our lawyer didn't do anything/help any way that we couldn't do it our selves. Yet - I think we are looking at changing into a trust - which then we'll need to fine a lawyer, I suppose.

We struggle a lot with guardianship too... I'm an only child... and DH has a brother and two step siblings... none who are responsible - especially DH's brother - good Lord, when will that boy grow up! We asked DS's godfather... but he never did give us an answer if he would... so I guess that is a no... there is my cousin - but I don't agree with how she raises her kids... then there are hubby's cousins who he never sees unless for funerals or weddings... so that leaves the grandparents. So my mom and step dad first... then my dad... and then - heaven forbid - DH's dad... oy, I pray nothing happens until kiddo is 18!

Good luck... it's a hard decision, but something that needs to be pondered on.

[lauren grier]

Yeh.. my brother is....... a child ^_^ I just can't picture him being ce's guardian.. other than the fact that he's younger than my parents kwim? I had ce when i was 21 so my life took a totally different path than his-- he's still.. in that young college kid brain mode lol.

I don't have any one else that i trust really other than my parents and brother, we have a tiny tiny family.. so it's a bit eep.

[Tracie Stroud]

Louisiana uses the Napoleonic Code, so our laws for wills are completely different than other states. We did our through a law firm, as that's the only way it's legally recognized here. We didn't have many choices for guardians, but we finally settled on Michael's parents (after asking them of course) as they are more financially stable, and in better health than my parents. My mother in law is also a teacher and used to be in special education, and they are fantastic with Noah and would recognize his needs. It's not easy to decide, that's for sure.

[MommaTrish]

We really need to update ours... our current one is from when the boys were itty bitty and at the time we listed my older brother. Now as much as I love him, I just don't think he could handle four kids. I don't really know who we'll name now, probably my parents, I really don't know who else would be able to take on the responsibility of four kids.

[Lyd]

We are lucky because Brett has a legal benefit through his work, so we were able to use a lawyer to set up a Trust and Living Will with very little expense. We were able to put everything we own into the Trust and then spell out how and when the Trust would be divided if we were to die. We named my brother and his wife as the guardians of our kids should anything ever happen to us. We didn't really consider anyone from Brett's side of the family cause they're all a little cuckoo. And, from my side of the family, taking everyone's family situations into consideration. my brother was the best choice. We may go change it at some point because since we did it, my brother has had another baby and his four-year old has been diagnosed with a pretty yucky condition that brings a lot uncertainty into their lives. We know they would take our kids and love them and do the best they could, but they could be dealing with a lot of their own stress. We'll have to see how that pans out. For now, I think we have the best situation possible.

Having it done really does bring a lot of peace of mind, though. It's nice to know that if anything ever happened, there wouldn't be any question about how things should be handled or what our wishes are.

[newfiemountiewife]

We didn't have one done, but we had asked Mom and her fiance to be our kids guardians if anything happened to us. However, they have since split up. I know my mom would love to have the kids, she's only 56 and looks younger than me and is probably healthier than me too, but the only drawback I see is her living halfway across the country. Tony's parents live closest to us, and take care of the kids when we need them to, but they are older. My bro is not an option, he lives too far away and hasn't really spent any time with my kids, and Tony's sister is not an option either, she has 3 of her own kids the same age as ours.

I think Tony and I should probably discuss this very soon LOL

[dana]

i've been thinking about this a lot too ... we have a lot of relatives to choose from, i'm just not sure who would be the best fit and would really want to take on that responsibility. one of my goals for this year is to get a will and trust in place ...

[Jenn Barrette]

I have been thinking about this lately and don't have an answer My mother is....well...a little crazy. She was mentally abusive to me growing up and that is not the life I want for my kids. My inlaws on the other hand are older (over 60) and I don't agree with their parenting at all. BIL is not parent material, and my siblings are all too young.

I am actually named as the guardian of my siblings if anything happens to my mom and stepdad in the new few years (my 2 youngest siblings are under 18).

[mummytothree]

we never had wills for a long time and then when both my brothers were killed it kind of woke us up!!

We did go through a lawyer and I'm sure ours is gonna be different then yours but that's because we are married.

Tim's will names me a primary beneficiary of his life insurance and then it names our children in birth order. So if were were to be killed together it would go to our oldest ect...ect...ect.... If the child to inherit is still a minor when we die...there are stipulations in the will about who manages the money and what they can do with it!!

Then my will names Tim as the primary beneficiary of my life insurance and then the kids in birth order. Tim's life insurance in BIG BUCKS...mine is just a small amount ($20,000) but we had to add the kids to my will so that if we were in an accident together and they (the insurance company) proved that Tim was killed first (and the lawyer told us they would definitely try and do that since it's such a high policy) and then I was killed second they wouldn't have to pay the insurance to the kids...so we had to include them all in my will too. My will also has the stipulations if the inheriting kid is a minor.

We have also name guardians for the kids....my sister and her husband. We did ask my sister first if she would take the kids and made her and her hubby discuss it for a while before we would take their final answer.....it's a lot to ask someone to take on 5 kids!!!

I'm sure we will change it as time goes on.....since we have such a wide age in kids....since our girls are older at some point in the future they might want to take their brothers if something was to happen to Tim and I!! But we have a while before we cross that bridge!!!

[lovely1m]

This is something I have been thinking of, too. I did decide it makes no sense to do it until I have a divorce finalized. Then I will go do one. I can have one done on base for free though. I am planning to name my mom and step-dad. My brother is a great uncle, but not ready for kids. My sister is young. My step-siblings all have children of their own. Everyone on his dad's side of the family is a for sure no way, no how. My dad and step-mom would love him and raise him just fine, but not in the same way I would. My brother could be an option in the future. My cousin would be a great choice, but she lives on the other side of the country and I hate her husband, so, she's out. Its a hard choice.

[SweetMelissa]

We had it done by Jag in 2008. For us it was a very easy decision we sat down & thought of who could take on the kids (we knew we wanted at least 2 - we only had 1 at the time) without it being a burden or hardship on them. My parents was the #1 answer. They have the room in their current home, have enough money saved & the means to provide money in the future (they own their own business & are doing extremely well) and they would take them in with no problems. We also named my Aunt Kathy as a secondary guardian in the event that my parents are unable to take the kids.

[TeriBeary]

I need to do this as a single mom. Obviously it's highly unlikely that both of us will be killed at the same time, but if something were to happen to him then me, I need to choose someone. I think I'll talk to one of my best friends about it. I'm an only child and my ex's brother isn't in a place where he could raise children. My dad is 70, inlaws are around the same age. Boys are 6 and 9 so it wouldn't be difficult for them to have the kids permanently. I'm waiting until my divorce is finalized because I'll have to redo it then anyway, so why do it twice?

[NeverendingJen]

We have wills, and they are updated anytime we move or have a major life change. We have two sets of guardians designated in our wills, with a primary set and a secondary set. We also have living wills and all sorts of other fun stuff. We had them drawn up through a lawyer on base, but we've also paid a lawyer in the past to have them done up and it was fairly inexpensive.

[lauren grier]

See i wasn't aware i could name a primary and a secondary (seriously.. this is quite logical and i should have gone durrrrrr). That would actually make it simpler.. LOL parents primary, brother secondary. done.

[LJSDesigns]

I my first one done before my son was born, I wanted to be sure that if something happened to me, he would be taken care of. That time I named my late husband's eldest brother and his wife guardian and my family about went nuts. But my Dad was sick, my siblings were both unmarried and one was a cop. I couldn't see my son losing three parents, so it seemed that the BIL, who is a really good guy, made the most sense.

When I was diagnosed with cancer, I had it redone and since my son was old enough, I simply asked him who he wanted as his guardian if something happened to me and he choose my brother, the cop. I was lucky that I have a great family and any one he picked would have been happy to raise him. (My sister cried that he didn't pick her.) My BIL understood the change as my son was closer to my family, so there weren't any problems there.

Now that he is an adult, I've just arranged all my finances to take care of him. I have a nice life insurance policy, learned the hard way after DH died with very little insurance, and I have arranged a trust for him if something should happen to me before he is 30. I went through a lawyer for all of it. I think it is something everyone should do as you never know what will happen. I learned how important it is the hard way.

[Sherri Tierney]

I don't even like thinking about this (but we have to) because we have so few options for guardians.

My family is pretty much out of the question entirely. I do have an aunt that is in her early 50's who may be an option but she would be the only one. My mom would forever hate me if I named my aunt as their guardian but it would be better than my kids ending up in a bad situation. My mom is mentally unstable as are both of my brothers. Other aunts and uncles have issues with drugs and past criminal records and such and while I know that things are better for them now I see how their children turned out and the direction their grandchildren are going and I don't want that for my babies.

Sean's side of the family is great but the grandparents wouldn't work. FIL has ALS and will soon be in no condition to raise a child. Step FIL is 82 years old and MIL isn't the kid raising type. She's awesome and I love her dearly but she makes it know that she put in her time and now just wants to enjoy them when she sees them. After a week's visit she's ready to be kid free no matter how much she loves them. Sean's brother is a big loser. He's a nice guy and I love him but he's went the drug route and never has a job, doesn't take care of the kids he has, etc. Even at his best he's just too crass to raise our kids. Sean's sister and her husband would be our best option all around. They have two kids of their own, one 2 years older than our oldest and the other just 8 months older than our oldest so there's only a 6 year span between all 4 of the kids. We have very similar beliefs and values and we know they would do everything with them that we would. They would also be treated as their own. The only problem is that they live halfway across the country so that would mean uprooting my kids. Then again, my aunt lives halfway across the country in the other direction so it would mean uprooting them either way.

All I can do is hope and pray nothing happens to us until our kids are of age.

We still really need to have 'the talk' with SIL and then with my aunt as a back up plan but its hard to even bring it up. SIL and her DH are god parents to several kids already and while most of those kids are nearly at adulthood its still a scary prospect.

[NeverendingJen]

Originally Posted by lauren grier

See i wasn't aware i could name a primary and a secondary (seriously.. this is quite logical and i should have gone durrrrrr). That would actually make it simpler.. LOL parents primary, brother secondary. done.

La, we also made sure to set up a trust for our life insurance funds for the kids too, which is something you may want to consider. Our primary for any children we may have together is my best friend and her husband, secondary is Jer's best friend and his wife(our siblings are not in places right now where they are willing to consider guardianship). We have our parents designated as trustees of funds. We were able to stipulate that after covering our final expenses, the remainder of our life insurance goes into trust for the kids. A portion gets paid out to whomever has the kids each year to help cover costs, etc. and the trustees can release additional funds as needed throughout the years. The kids each receive a very small portion at age 18, another at age 25, and their remaining portion at age 30. The trustees can also release funds for college expenses. Our lawyer was able to draw all of this up for us and actually suggested a lot of it to us when we were dealing with custody issues. We don't have a lot of life insurance, but enough to make a difference, and with having separate trustees and guardians it makes it easier to eliminate some issues with people worrying that others would just take the funds and not use it on the kids. We sat down last year and explained everything to those that are involved(our parents and the two sets of friends) so that they understood our reasoning and they were glad we had everything set up so that they didn't have to worry about it.

[nesser1981]

We don't have a will, but I did type up something stating what we wanted to happen if we both were to pass away, but that was when Keira was born, so we should probably do something current.

But, a Trust is suppose to be better than a wil when it comes to money, I had to go to a briefing about them when I was still in the Air Force.

The reason is that a Will would go through a probate court.
http://www.legalzoom.com/wills-estat...are-wills.html

A trust is suppose to go in effect as soon as you pass,

[Sarah8914]

I'm glad you posted this. We've been meaning to do this forEVER. And we're planning a trip away in the fall and we HAVE to do it before then, just in case the worst happens.

I wish it could be my parents, but they are pretty much in a horrible place in life right now... financially, physically, mentally... everything.

We will be the guardians of my SIL's kids if something happens to them (they have 5) and we asked them to be ours if something happened to us. We are very similar in parenting and I know they would love our children as much as possible. We need to get on this.

How do you even find a Lawyer? And is it expensive?

[Julie Billingsley]

We have wills, but they are so out of date. We totally need new ones. Gosh, we've bought a house, had another child, and had our oldest turn 20 since then. At this point, I think I'd like my oldest son Jacob to take Logan (age 8) if the unthinkable happened. I know this wouldn't be the ideal situation, but at least my oldest is a great guy and would try his very best. Hopefully our church family would step in a help Jacob as much as possible. I just have to hope that doesn't happen.

[LeeAndra]

We don't have anything drawn up legally, but my sister and BIL would be who we'd want DD to be raised by.

While they may have children together down the road, for now they only have my (step)nephew who is 8 who lives with them abt 75% of the time. While my sister can be a superstrict hard@$$ when it comes to parenting issues, I know that she loves DD as if she were her own (and with the fertility issues they are having, that may end up being the case) and would take good care of her. DH's brother and SIL already have 3 boys of their own, and while they could more easily afford to take on more children, they are not particularly close with DD (or DH and me for that matter).

[k23m]

thanks for bringing this up - a great reminder that we havent done this yet. We are also planning to go away this summer, so we should really get something written up asap!

[Jengerbread88]

My parents are hoping to get one drawn up soon... If anything were to happen to me, they've made it clear that they want me to be Jeffrey's guardian... and obviously if anything were to happen to me, I'd want them to be Zach's guardian.

I need to get one drawn up, too, especially after my heart failure last year, but I haven't done it. The main thing I'd need to do at this point is just to designate guardianship... I don't have a ton of property, and what I do have I'd want my parents or Zach to have. And I have like... zero savings, except what I've set aside FOR Zach, with his name on it. So... I'd say that there's not really a good reason for me to have a full will... just a designation of guardianship.

[Lyd]

I just wanted to add that I love that we have a Trust because we don't have to go back and change anything if our assets change. At least with our Trust, anything we own in my name or Brett's name or jointly is automatically part of the Trust. And, then our Will designates who the beneficiaries of the Trust will be - who gets what, when they get it, and any other terms. But, we don't have to deal with changing things if we buy a new house or a new car or come into some money from my imaginary rich uncle. It just keep things a little more simple.

. . . For what it's worth . . .

[sprauncey1]

We set up a Will and Trust right before we moved overseas. We've been married 15 years and had kids for 8 now and it took us that long! So don't feel bad, but get it done! LOL

We chose my sister and her hubby for the guardian and my BIL for the Trust manager until the boys are of age. It seemed like the best fit and they were fine with it.

[nun69]

I had a will drawn up when I went to Kuwait and knowing that my mom couldn't physically or mentally take all 4 of my kids, I named one of my best friends as guardians of my kids {since all 3 of hers are grown} and I made sure to talk to her about this and she was mor ethan willign to take them We do need ot upadte this though...

[rach3975]

We really need to do that. We've talked about it and made decisions, but things have changed since then. And from reading this, I can see now that we need a trust rather than a will.

My parents are wonderful, and I trust them fully to take in my kids, raise them in a way we'd be happy with, and deal with distributing our assets to the kids. That's a lot of why we've been lazy about getting it all legally set up. But the one problem with my parents is age. They're both in their mid-60's, and in the last couple of years I've started to worry about whether it would be too much for them to take on 3 kids, including 1 with special needs. My youngest is only 3, and unfortunately, I can't see them being able to be her guardian for the next 15 years.

Our next option is my sister and her DH, who have 1 newborn of their own. They'd love my kids and raise them well, but I feel like it would be such an imposition. They'd have to move out of NYC, and it would change everything about their current life. But being realistic, I think they'd have to be our first choice.

I also have a brother, but even though he's 30 and responsible, he's not at a point in his life where he could take on 3 kids. I don't think he'd feel comfortable babysitting alone for a weekend, never mind raising them.

My DH is an only child whose parents have passed away, so there's no one on his side.

[DawnMarch]

I know it's traditional but you don't necessarily have to choose family. My sister would be my kids' guardian but that's because we're very close, and she shares our values and type of lifestyle. But, DH and I are the designated guardians for some of our best friends because they don't have suitable people in their family. I think I'd be more comfortable with my kids going to live with our closest friends who they see all the time than some of our weird family members.

On the lawyer thing, a friend of mine had a will/trust made recently and she found a law firm that was a typical price up front but they agree to revise your will in the future for free for changes in circumstances. Not sure if those arrangements are common, but I'll probably go with them too.

[Melissa Bennett]

We had the military legal office do one up for us. We have my inlaws listed to take our kids as there is NO one else we trust them to go to. Anyone on my side of the family is NOT an option at all.

[Stacey42]

We have a will. It was a will kit that we had notarized which is all that is required in our state. If one of us dies the other gets everything, except for some specific bequests of certain items.

We named some very close friends as our kids' guardians & they did the same, naming us for their kids. My folks are in the 70s & DHs are deceased. His siblings kids are all adults & have moved on from parenting small kids (DH was the youngest by several years & we had kids in our late 30s. Our youngest son in 2 months older than DH's brother's first grandson). My brother would certainly take them & be a great caregiver for them but his family life is not great. HIs wife comes & goes out of their lives depending on whether she is taking her meds & I'd rather the boys had some stability. Our friends though have a strong family life & while they are far crunchier than we are I know the boys will be well taken care of and loved.

[LeeAndra]

I just wanted to piggyback on Dawn's post that you don't HAVE to designate only family as your children's guardians. I know that if I were not comfortable with my sister raising my child(ren) and/or if they go on and have 2 or 3 children of their own and would not be able to raise mine in addition that I would have no problem designating close family friends to do so. I can think of 3 or 4 friends/families that I would agree to raise their children if something were to happen to them. If no one in your family is really good enough, you might be surprised at how willing (and honored) close family friends would be to be your children's guardians.