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#1
02-05-2009, 11:07 PM
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Sad and sick to my stomach...have you ever done this?
Ugh I'm so sick about this but I feel it had to be done..back story...
My kids have been completely disrespectful to hubby and I for months in their words and disobeying...yadda yadda and they're only 3 and 4! Well they're also disrespectful in the way they treat their toys/movies/wii everything which I know is normal but despite REPEATED (ad nauseum) explaining to them how to treat their stuff, showing them how to clean, etc, they're just getting worse and worse about it. We have countless destroyed toys and movies and now they're starting to ruin the $50 Wii games. So hubby was fed up last night and took the Wii completely away and put it in a box. FF to this afternoon when I *think* Karsten completely destroyed the playstation in thier room that they use to play a couple games and watch movies, so I take it away. Then this evening their room was a sty and we gave them 10 minutes to start cleaning after a million warnings and they didn't so we boxed up EVERYTHING and told them that because they don't treat their stuff right we're throwing it away. In reality, I think I'll allow them to earn it back but I feel just sick about the whole thing. Have you ever taken away your kids stuff like this? I feel like I'm gonna cry  That and I'm not looking forward to dealing with them with nothing to do all by myself Any advise?? 
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#2
02-05-2009, 11:14 PM
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Not quite that drastic, but I've done it. I have gotten the big, black garbage back of doom and loaded everything that was on the floor into it. And yes, I felt just like you feel now. I did let them earn some of it back, but not all of it.
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#3
02-05-2009, 11:16 PM
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No advise, just *hugs*
Also, be careful where you put that box. When I was a kid my mom put my toys in a garbage bag because I wouldn't clean them up, and my dad got home in the evening and "took the trash out". Ya...bye bye toys. I definitely cleaned up after that! LOL
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#4
02-05-2009, 11:16 PM
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My kids had several boxes of toys put in a storage room in the basement for months and months last year for this very same reason. I'm getting near doing it again. There is a disaster area upstairs, and it only gets picked up with screaming and yelling and/or hovering on my part, and I'm just not up for that! They need to pick it up and put it away when they are done with it ... not just keep dragging it out!
It was really hard for me to do it, too, and I did let them earn things back, eventually. But, I made them go with very few toys for quite a while. They spent more time coloring and playing with their baby brother's toys on the main level since I of course didn't take his stuff away. For each time the kids showed initiative and cleaned up their mess, they got to pick out one toy from the basement to bring back up. Sometimes I'd have them pre-pick a toy and put it where they could see it to remind them of the incentive. That seemed to help. I don't know. I still obviously don't have it figured out since they have a big mess again, but we're trying too! HUGS!
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Melinda
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#5
02-05-2009, 11:17 PM
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My parents would do it...it made us learn REALLY quick, lol. Several toys went in the trash...but I wouldn't go so far as throwing it all away.
I would go through it while they're in bed, decide what you'll allow them to earn back, and throw the rest (or donate it). Think of it as a good way to get rid of clutter! 
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#6
02-05-2009, 11:22 PM
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I did that once. My son wouldnt keep his room clean. He made a few half-baked attempts at cleaning which basically meant he shoved everything into corners and called it clean. I got tired of arguing and went in his room and got everything out of there. The only thing I did not throw away was his Nintendo DS but he lost it for several weeks at that time. Everything else I tossed. Now when I tell him to clean his room he does.
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    Dreaming of creating for Cindy Schneider, Studio Flergs & Kristin Cronin-Barrow
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#7
02-05-2009, 11:25 PM
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I did it once and it didn't turn out anything like I expected. My son (age 3) stubbornly refused to clean-up at bedtime and I told him if he didn't he would have no toys the next day. After he went to bed I boxed up absolutely everything (including the TV) and put it in the garage. He woke up to nothing but an empty train table. I expected tears, pleading, etc. Nope. He politely asked for a pen and paper and spent a hour drawing, then he decided to put on a show and used the train table as a stage while he sang and danced, then he put on a play. When I couldn't watch his 'shows' anymore because I had some cleaning to do, he asked if he could help, so we worked around the house together. When we were done he asked for a book and when I told him all of the books had been put away with the rest of his play things, he suggested we make up our own story so we did. We had a marvelously fun, imaginative day. It was a great lesson ... for me.
Good for you for standing your ground. Kids need to learn to respect you and be grateful for the stuff they have. Here's to hoping they learn a quick lesson.
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#8
02-05-2009, 11:29 PM
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I've done this many times. They now know that when I say to clean up, I mean it or the black garbage bag comes out and everything on the floor goes in the garbage.
It's called tough love and even though it's not easy, sometimes it's necessary. (((Hugs))) to you - I know how you feel.
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Melissa
  
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#10
02-05-2009, 11:46 PM
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I'm haven't been in that position...yet. But I'm thinking of you and sending ((hugs)). Parenting can be so hard sometimes.
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#11
02-05-2009, 11:49 PM
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HAHAHA! (I laugh at the coincidence) I literally just did this today too. They have books and their shared lego table and nothing more.
They actually seemed to entertain themselves BETTER, they played Legos for HOURS together. They cleaned up without being harped on so they get a toy back tomorrow. ETA: Don't feel bad about it, it's an important lesson.
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Annie
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#12
02-05-2009, 11:51 PM
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I think it's going to be harder for you Traci, as kids are extremely good at inventing new stuff to play with. I think it would be a test of your firmness - like if they drive you crazy and you'd just put out the toys to keep them quiet, LOL.
I did that once and my husband told me I better keep my word otherwise they wont take me seriously. I am so good at threatening my kids - if they dont sleep in 5 minutes they wont have TV etc etc but they'd end up not sleeping AND still watching TV. LOL
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#13
02-05-2009, 11:55 PM
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done it numerous times. Never feel good about it after, but they do seem to listen a little better for a while in order to earn it all back.
reminds me of my 14 year old at the moment. He is ticking me off, not listening, doesn't care that he has chores to do, throwing a fit cause he has to do them and all he wants to do is sleep (he tried to nap after school today - uh, I don't think so, no sleeping until your chores are done. if you are tired, get them done and go to bed for the night!). but I'm a mean mom to begin with, just ask my kids. lmao
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Sonja ~ tuneskids
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#14
02-06-2009, 12:02 AM
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Keep your head up Traci! I HAVE done the same thing -- and made them earn it back. Over a year ago -- and it's about that time to do it again -- but this time, I'll be trashing stuff too.
__________________
 Happily Creating For: Krystal Hartley ♥ Libby Pritchett ♥ Meghan Mullens ♥ Melissa Bennett
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#15
02-06-2009, 12:09 AM
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I've recently taken away all TV privileges during the week. They are allowed to see their friends 2 days a week, no phone calls, no radio, nothing.
We bagged up everything in their rooms, detached doors from their rooms and have made several new creative punishments. So far it's working. I know its hard sometimes but you have to be tough. Tough love. You're not being too hard on them. You gotta nip it in the bud before it gets worse. My kids are 7, 10 and 13. They're bad. And I really wish I would have been consistent when they were young.
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#16
02-06-2009, 12:10 AM
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((((((((((((Traci)))))))))))))))
No advise, just lots of hugs. Tough love is tougher on you than the kids I think!
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~Colleen~
Re-attempting a creative life after far too long!
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#17
02-06-2009, 12:16 AM
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Oh sweety please dont beat yourself up. I know it does feel rotten but sometimes its necessary. I had to do this with Lily and I was kinda frustrated because she had no reaction. She wasn't even upset in the least. It didn't go quite like Misty though LOL. I wish our day ended up that way. My problem is I dont stand my ground after the fact. I dont have much advice babe, just stick to your guns. Your amazing mom, the fact you feel bad about it shows it love!
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Sarah C.
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#18
02-06-2009, 12:25 AM
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Been there, done that. I'm meaner though, I made her give away the stuff she wasnt' taking care of on Freecycle, and when the people came to pick it up I made her hand out the bags.
She learned her lesson, and now she willingly gives away things to needy kids twice a year. She'd do it more, I think, but those are our two major toy clean out times.
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Sara Creating for absolutely no one because I don't think I know how to scrap anymore.
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#19
02-06-2009, 12:34 AM
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Thanks girls! I'm about to start going through the 10 boxes of crap...sigh
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#20
02-06-2009, 01:05 AM
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My aunt has done it and it worked. She also used the time to go through the toys and get rid of broken things, old things and ones they really didn't play with anymore and then let them earn things back. Of course there wasn't as much to earn back.
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#21
02-06-2009, 03:31 AM
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I had to do this... a few times. You'd think it would only take one time for them to learn, but with my girls, they were good for a while and then slipped back into old habbits. I know a lot has to do with my consistency in making them do what is right... but I think they FINALLY have it... at 6 & 8. I totally reorganized their playroom about 6 weeks ago and they kept it really clean until last saturday when we had a party. It got TRASHED! So yesterday I told tehm they had to clean it because I knew they could... they not only cleaned it, they did it RIGHT! lol
 I hope it doesn't take as long for your boys... I KNOW it's hard, but you HAVE to be consistent... that's the only way kids are going to "get it". Good luck hon!
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#24
02-06-2009, 08:31 AM
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Hugs Traci, I think you are definitely doing the right thing by following through. My dh's dad threw anything that was out of place out on the front lawn when they were kids, it used to kill them to have to come home and pick up clothes, etc out of the snow and made them think so I hope you get the same results.
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Happy Scrappin!
Pam 
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#25
02-06-2009, 08:52 AM
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I've done it a few times. In fact they're getting the Lego Star Wars Wii game back this afternoon. I took it from them Monday because they were playing it so much they were getting into arguments with us when they had to stop, shouting "No" and crying & carrying on, because they had to pause the game & come eat. So the game went away for awhile.
I've boxed some of their toys up because they won't clean up or won't take care of them properly. I tell them they'll get it back when they have shown me they care about what they have. I also take advantage of having the stuff out of sight to do a purge of outgrown & broken toys.
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#26
02-06-2009, 09:01 AM
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I have taken a toy or game away here and there, for various reasons, but I've never taken everything away. Our kids have a huge playroom, and it'd be easier for us just to move out than try to move everything LOL.
My kids are actually pretty good at helping to clean up, they understand that *I* didn't make the mess, and though I'll help, they need to do the bulk of it. Around age 4 is when I notice that they are more helpful, earlier than that it's hit or miss. Sure, they have their moments, but generally, they are pretty good. I guess I'm lucky with my kids, we've always just had "tidy time" since Benjamin was a baby. They know that after their baths, and right before their bedtime snacks is tidy time, and once I mention it, they get on it. I guess I'm VERY lucky LOL
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#27
02-06-2009, 09:25 AM
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i have, it didn't work too much for me, but i still continue to do it hoping it'll make a difference someday. i honestly have unruly kids. they saw how their dad treated me and now they think they can too. we're slowly getting them out of that phase now that i'm divorcing their dad, but discipline and punishment are the least fun parts of parenting, but 2 of the most important, funny how that works, lol! hang in there traci! be constant and stay strong, it WILL work out eventually!
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Demon llama! 
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#28
02-06-2009, 09:32 AM
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Demon llama!
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#29
02-06-2009, 09:44 AM
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Great for you for following through! This isn't going to scar your kids. They'll deal with it. And they've now learned you are serious.
My daughters favourite toy was duplo for a while, and she played with it all day every day. One time I asked her to pick it up and put it away. She said no. I told her I would help, but she had to do it too. She still said No. I said, fine, I will pick up your duplo, but then it's going away for a while until you agree to pick up your toys. FINE. she shouted. I did it. Three weeks later we talked and it came out again. She's always picked up toys ever since.
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#30
02-06-2009, 09:45 AM
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I'm all about consequences for kids - and losing out on playing the wii because they are rough with the games is a good consequence. I'd be cautious in your expectations - at 3 and 4 it's really not age appropriate to tell them "clean up this mess" and walk out of the room expecting it to be cleaned up when you come back. Kids that age can't break it down very well and a very messy room is overwhelming. At that age I help them break it down - i.e. pick up these blocks and come get me. Ok, now pick up the legos. Ok now do XYZ, etc.
At the end of the parenting day what it truly comes down to is obedience. Your kids *will* get worked up and forget rules and they will make mistakes - but if you teach them to obey you then all it takes is a warning and a reminder and you are all back on track. Were it me, I'd sit down with them - even as little as they are and say - look, we've developed some bad habits and that's going to change. You must obey us when we ask something of you. Ok let's practice - stand up, sit down, hop on one foot, make a silly face (silly practice stuff - but helps them get the point). Then I would get serious and explain that it starts now. A really good visual for their age is to put a chart on the fridge with 10 smiley faces for each kid and when they disobey - point it out to them and then cross out a smiley face. Let them see at the end of the day how they did. This was a lot more than you asked for - but I hope it gives you some good ideas. Hugs to you - parenting is hard!
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 EmmyHomeschooling mama to 4 little monkeys and 2 little sweeties! Our crazy boys are 11, 9, 8, 5 and our sweet twin girls are 2!
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#31
02-06-2009, 09:59 AM
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Hang tough Traci!! Yes...we had this happen too...although they weren't allowed to touch video games at that age...they sure didn't know how to take care of them. Even when we did let them start playing...they were not allowed to touch the disks or cartridges...if they ejected the disk...it was taken away for a week. They were not allowed to have the boxes for the games...they had to ask an adult to change it. They learned really quick...but they were kindergarten age when that was happening.
Yes we did this with their regular toys...but you have to start now and you have to be firm! Earning them back is how we did it...and they sure earned an appreciation for them...but it took several times. I "rotated" toys so we didn't have such a disaster to clean up...they still had a lot...but it was possible to pick it up quicker. Stand tough...you are doing the right thing...and once they learn...YOU will feel so much better about it!
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Thanks!
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#32
02-06-2009, 10:41 AM
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#33
02-06-2009, 10:47 AM
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Being a teacher and a past principal, I see parents that enable their students every day. THANK YOU for practicing a little tough love! It is especially important during the ages of 3-7 that kids learn the values, morals, and the difference between right and wrong. I have met with countless police officers who have mentioned that most youth that start getting into trouble in their teens were missing these crucial learning lessons during the 3-7 year old period.
Keep your chin up, and let them earn it back when they can show you and the property some respect. You will be doing them a favor in the long run!
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#35
02-06-2009, 10:59 AM
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Stick to your guns!! It is hard, but better to learn the lesson when they are 3 & 4 verses 13 &14!
 You are doing the right thing.
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Heidi
CTing for : Studio Basic & Erica Zane
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#36
02-06-2009, 11:05 AM
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Done it!!! It is funn how each kid reacts to the same situaton. The kids rooms were trashed and have begging, pleading, threatening I finally went in while they were at school one day and did it myself. To rooms, 6 hrs and like 3 bags of trash, 3 boxes to Goodwill and tons of laundry! DD came home, walked into her room and was like, "Thanks mom!!!.....wait, where's my ?????" then proceeded to ball and cry and have the biggest temper tanturm. I told her that she was warned and I had had enough. She always cleans now. She knows I will go in and throw ANYTHING away. NOw my son was a total differnt reaction. he went into his room looked around, found a specific toy, came out and was like "thanks mom!" And then moved on. Just didn't care. When I have used the threat again he tells me what toys not to throw away!! What ever. He still fight to clean his room.
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#37
02-06-2009, 11:48 AM
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The one thing that I have found that really helps is I remind them to put away what they are done with all day long. If they've had the legos out and I see them getting in the race car bin I stop them and remind them to put the legos away first. If I see them dumping out a bin of dinos to find 2 specifc ones they have to put all the other dinos back before they can play with the 2 they wanted. Alll the trains do not need to be scattered around the floor while 6 race around the track. Find what you want & put the rest away before you play.
It helps that we don't have a playroom really. Nearly all the play is in the family room, where I sit with my laptop & where DH has to wade through toys to sit down, so we are almost always right there to intervene. If they are back in the bedrooms it;s a little harder to stay immediately on top of
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#38
02-06-2009, 11:54 AM
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#39
02-06-2009, 12:07 PM
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Sara Creating for absolutely no one because I don't think I know how to scrap anymore.
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#40
02-06-2009, 12:34 PM
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Thanks girls! A note on expectations, we didn't expect them to clean it up, we just expected them to start, kwim? They were refusing to obey, thus they lost all their crap..LOL
I went through it all last night and got rid of 3 large boxes of stuff...it was heartbreaking to watch all that money disappear..but whatev. Today I've told them that they earn back toys by listening and obeying mommy and daddy and that when they've earned back a toy, they have to put it away where it goes before they can earn back another. If they yell, scream, fight, run in the house, disrespect me or dad, hit, etc then the toy goes away again. Karsten then told me my breath stunk...thanks dude, I just got out of bed! Long way to go with that one.
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#41
02-06-2009, 12:38 PM
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Yep, I have had to do that with each of my 3 kids. We would just store them in the garage and let them earn them back slowly. It did seem to help for a bit. I felt completely horrible too when we did it but am glad now that I followed through. Parenting really sucks sometimes. (((((HUGS)))))
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#42
02-06-2009, 12:58 PM
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close....we locked the playroom and didnt allow tv/video games
just books and talking to me worked like a charm
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#44
02-06-2009, 01:50 PM
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I'm in the same boat as you right now Traci. I warned them so many times and they would laugh at me but now I'm starting to bag all of their stuff up and toss it up in the attic. I think I will let them earn some stuff back here and there (I didn't tell them this though).
I spent a full day cleaning their room a couple months ago and all I asked was for them to put stuff back and keep it neat in there and that lasted for ummmmm a few days. Grrrr, I'm just sick of it.
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#45
02-06-2009, 02:43 PM
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Aww Hugs Traci... Elle is still too young, but lemme tell you, if needed, this WILL happen at our house, i constantly tell her to treat her toys nicely, not stand on them, throw them, etc... If at three or four, she does those kinds of things, she WILL lose them, until she can learn to respect them or can afford to replace them herself, one of the two, because i dont buy her nice things for her to ruin...
Hang in there girl, you are doin the right thing!
__________________
 Proudly Creating For: Krystal Hartley,K-Studio & Nikki Beaudreau
Guesting for: The ever FABULOUS Lauren Grier
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#46
02-06-2009, 02:49 PM
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♥Sammi♥ Proud To Create For:   
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#47
02-06-2009, 04:16 PM
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My mom did it to me when I was a kid. I still remember the utter shock I felt when I came downstairs one morning & all the toys that weren't in their bins were GONE!
She pulled out a few things she knew were my favorite & let me earn them back but she made me go with her to donate all the rest of them. It made a huge impression on me. Not so much on my brother. She was still bagging up his stuff when he was 12. Losing the sports equipment & having to earn the money to buy new (mom was harsh, she gave him back his old stuff once he earned the money for new stuff) did finally get through to him.
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#48
02-06-2009, 06:40 PM
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~Sam~ Creating for:
 *Dianne Rigdon*Jan Guest for Krystal Hartley*
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#49
02-07-2009, 07:14 PM
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My mom made me pack the bags myself, lol... And it worked like a charm. I would not hesitate to do this tactic on either one of my girls (I most recently did it to the one who is 22, lol) and I don't feel the least bit guilty about it either...
The reason is this: We, as parents, want the best for them. The best for them is to be able to take care of themselves and their stuff when they are adults... And, sometimes, it is hard, and not fun to teach them these things... If we start feeling guilty for doing our job, we'll stop doing a good job of doing our job. It's not easy at all, but please don't feel guilty because you are doing a good job and it is an important lesson for your kids to learn... Meanwhile, when my daughter was young, I read somewhere that kids shouldn't have more toys than they are years old. So, I got her a cabinet type thing at IKEA and put all her stuff in it... Then, I let her take out 3 things, and 3 things only when she was 3... She could come to me and trade one thing or what not, but she couldn't have more than 3 things at a time. She played so much better and was able to keep her area so clean after I started doing that! We also do a purging two times a year. We go through all her stuff before Christmas and before her Birthday. She's been helping me since she was 2. I would hold up the toy and say, "Is this for babies or is this for big girls?" And, she would let me know if she was done with it... I also let her have a special keepsake token each time, sometimes 3 or 4 tokens as she was older, where she could trade the token (usually a chuck e cheeses coin or whatever) to rescue something that was for babies and put it on the keepsake shelf- for things she wanted to keep forever, even though she didn't play with them anymore... It really worked well. Now, she has her keepsake box, and her hope box in the garage with all her special things she wanted to keep forever!! So, I guess those are my advices, lol... Huggles!! ~Sarah~
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#50
02-07-2009, 07:41 PM
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Okay, so an update for ya.... the kids are at MIL's all weekend so I went through the confiscated toys at my leisure...
6... count 'em S.I.X. lawn/leaf bags FULL of toys for Goodwill (in addition to the 4 bags of clothes that don't fit them!) 2 lawn/leaf bags full of TRASH... aka: TrashED toys and they STILL have waaaaaaay too many toys so 3 different items (a Thomas train set, some cool construction tube toys, and a huuuuge Doctor set) are boxed up as "sometimes toys". Geeeez... the funny thing is, we rarely buy them toys and if we do, they're books or outside toys. If I felt badly about taking the toys away... I sure don't now. LOL
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Annie
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