Christian moms...help!

[Mandy]

Ok, whew.
My daughter is on my bed crying her eyes out and I don't know what to do.
My kids go to church every Sunday and Wednesday. They love it. DH and I don't go because...well, we really don't have a good excuse. We know we both should go to be good examples to our kids but we don't. We were both raised in different churches, which are different from the church my kids go to. I was raised Church of Christ, DH was raised Pentecostal and my kids' church is Baptist.
I was always taught to believe that baptism is for when you are old enough to know what it means and to believe what it stands for. DD (she's 7 years old) wants to get baptized because (in her words) "when you come out of the water it's a whole new you!"
I asked her if she knew what baptism was and what it meant and she answered that she didn't, then when I tried to explain to her that she couldn't get baptized at church until she knew what she meant, she begged me to tell her.
I am trying to explain to her that she needs to know what it means in her heart, not in her head but she's really upset and doesn't understand.
Any advice on how to handle this?
I have a feeling she may be only wanting this because of other kids at church - sort of an "in crowd" thing. Their church has a huge following of kids and teens.

[pewtertm]

A few thoughts...

(and you may have already done this) Have you asked her WHY she wants to be baptised? While she might not be able to explain WHAT it means in theological terms, she could be wanting to profess her faith to the congregation. She may have heard the pastor or Sunday School teacher talk about being baptised as a profession of faith, etc, and is wanting to take that step.

The pastor (or children's minister or whoever) will talk to the person who wants to be baptised (at least in every church I've ever been to). They don't want to baptise someone who isn't doing it for the right reasons. I'd suggest taking her up to the church and letting her talk to someone...it might help the both of you to feel better about the situation.

[Rae's World]

well, when are children come to the age of 8, they get baptized. A few weeks before we have the missionaries over to teach them what it means to be baptized and to be a member of our church. (please note we are always talking about this and it is not ever not apart of their lives.) Having the missionaries come and give them the discussions helps them feel special and gives them a one on one to ask what ever questions they have.

Maybe if your church has a person(s) you trust to come and talk to her about what it really means, that would help. You could pull out the scriptures and help her read about what baptisim is. She is asking for your guidance and even if you don't attend she seems to feel it is important. These types of questions help a child grow and learn new things. I hope I have been somewhat helpful. Good luck!

[Nonna2Dreja]

Mandy, I do understand where you are coming from....My Daughter had her children "dedicated" as babies and when they are old enough to understand and to chose for themselves, they will be baptized....

P.S. I am sending you a PM with the rest of my reply....I'm not sure if I would offend anyone, so I'll keep the rest of my reply private....

[Mandy]

I did ask her why and she said because her friends are getting baptized and you get to go in a big tub (then she giggled) - so yeah I think it's an "in-crowd" thing but with kids, you never know.

[Darcy Baldwin]

Mandy - I get why she's disappointed. It's a big deal. This is about the age some of the more spiritually mature kids start making those decisions, and a lot of kids want to follow. That's why it's really important that if you feel it will help, that you take her to talk to the pastor or children's minister of the church she's going to. They are very experienced in talking kids through this period, to separate the true desire to follow through Christ's call from the kids who want to do it, too. And it's not wrong that she wants to - she wants to experience it, too!

I feel for ya. It's hard. She doesn't quite have the spiritual maturity (and that's not a bad thing) to understand what this thing is that they're doing. Does she understand what it is to be saved - and that it comes first. Do you know if she's professed that at church? Does she understand the whole nature of sin and separation from Christ? It's hard to separate the fun bathtub experience that is just a symbol of the renewing from being saved. (sorry, didn't mean to get into a theological thing here).

I think, if you're willing to talk to their pastor, that it would be a great way to have her speak to someone in authority of the place she goes, whether it's her Sunday School teacher, children's minister, etc. and it can be the voice speaking a little past Mommy's about the importance of what it is and what she needs to do to be able to get there. Does that make sense?

[Amber1279]

at our church the Children's minister has a class a few times a year. Children and their parent's attend together. The minister goes thru the meaning, the basics of what it means and at the end of the class the children have to write a statement on why they should or should not be baptised.

Honestly, it sounds like she just wants to be with her friends and do the "in" thing. My son is 7 yr old also and he hasn't talked about it yet and I am waiting for him to be ready. I would use this as a time to teach her what baptism is. Make an appointment with the children's minister/leader at her church so that you can all sit down and talk about it. Maybe then it won't feel like "Mom is telling me no"

[Mandy]

Thanks Darcy that totally makes sense. I get what you're saying and I was so there when I was growing up. I would spend summers at church camp which was an AMAZING spiritual experience even though I hadn't been baptized at the time. It was hard to be there around all your friends who WERE baptized and just wanting to feel that feeling and be a part of that KWIM?
At 7, I do believe she doesn't really know what it means. She loves church, loves God, always prays (haha I have a photo of her in her Halloween costume, praying - lol) so I'm happy that she wants to be in church and learn about Christ, I'm just concerned as to whether she's got peer pressure or is really interested.
I think I'll talk to their pastor. Thanks.

[scrapbubba]

I am involved in youth ministry at our church. While we aren't baptist the closest faith to us would be Baptist. We believe people should be old enough to know what it means to make a decision to follow Christ. Being "dipped" isn't going to change your duaghters heart. It is the choice that she makes to follow Jesus that changes her. When she asks Jesus into her heart, that is what changes her. Baptism is just a symbol of that decision. Usually kids aren't mature enough to understand what baptism means. We usually wait until they are in their late teens in our church.

Kids have to go to baptismal classes, understand the statement of Faith, and be prepared to be active members in the church. While you daughter sounds like she wants to "be cleansed" maybe you can explain that asking Jesus into her heart is what does it, not the baptism itself.

At that age I think it is an in crowd thing. I don't know what is in her head but I would really explore that. I am kind of sad that the church may have created a pressure on these kids to feel like they need to be baptized to belong. I cannot imagine they did it on purpose, I suggest you talk to the youth pastor about this. They may not be aware of it. I don't imagine any church would want people getting baptized due to pressure to "fit it".

Maybe you can tell her that you want to be sure she understands what she is doing and tell her to wait one year. If she still feels strongly about it you will look into it. This way if it is an "in thing" to do it will pass.


We have an 8 year old daughter. She know what it means to have Jesus in her heart but doesn't fully understand baptism. We have explained that it is something you do to affirm your commitment to Jesus and it is a public symbol that you are commiting your life to Christ. In our church it also means becoming a member and taking part in the church body.

I remember going to a private catholic school (I wasn't Catholic) and I desperately wanted to be confirmed like all my friends. I had no idea what it meant, I just knew it was the thing to do.

Good luck, I'll pray for your little one.

Barb

[opeysmama]

Hello there, I hope I'm not too late to add my thoughts for you. Before anyone gets baptised they need to make a decision for Christ, called "being saved" in the Baptist church. This decision comes first, its a personal committment to Christ, and in order to be able to do that one must understand what sin is (disobedience to God) and how everyone sins, and that Jesus paid the price for sins. Once you believe in Jesus and the atonment of sins through his blood, and commit to his Lordship, one is then changed. Its not the Baptism that makes the change, its the personal salvation experience.

The Baptism is only outwardly cerimony, the expression to the church and witnesses of the salvation that has taken place. So before one is baptised, one must first make the personal committment to a life dedicated to Christ's Lordship.

It might be that she isn't fully ready, because it sounds like she is confused about the meaning...I'd ask her to meet with the pastor and talk with him, I'm sure he would be happy to help her figure out what level of understanding she has, and that might also be a help for you.

I'm thrilled that your little girl is experiencing interest in church, and baptism, and I'll pray for your family in finding the balance she needs right now. God bless!

[nikkiARNGwife]

What Darcy said...I was trying to type it all out but she said it better than I could.

[Mandy]

Aww, you guys are so sweet. Thanks for all your advice and prayers.

[opeysmama]

I see you've gotten some excellent support here, just a quick note on the age issue. I don't think any one age is a "set age" and it depends totally on the person's understand, and even more importantly one's calling (meaning the Spirit calling her to salvation). Each person comes to Christ in their own time and at their own pace. My dd was saved very young, and my son is already asking questions that are indicitive of someone who is being called. So this is a sensitive time for her, and age really isn't the key, the key is the call.

Hope that helps

[Tracie Stroud]

I pretty much agree with what everyone has said here. lol. I do want to add though, that I was saved at age 8, so I know it is possible for young children to truly understand the call of Christ. I would defintely encourage some counseling with the pastor or children's pastor to try to determine how much she really understands. I'll be praying for you guys!

[stayawake]

You've got a lot of really great advice here, so I won't add very much.

I teach baptism and communion classes to grade 5 and 6 kids at my church (not baptist, but similar). I would say you should celebrate the fact that she is making choice towards Jesus. At this point in her life, that is the most important indication of a true faith and a heart that is changing towards God. Salvation for young children often happens in small stages, small choices one at a time - choosing to want to go to church, choosing to want to read the Bible with you at home, etc. Even if her motives are not entirely pure all the time, the choices toward are more important than the choices away. They don't know everything about God, and they don't understand a full theology, but they are acting on faith with what they know.

If it were my child I would tell her I'm excited she wants to take this important step - but outline the steps that have to happen before she gets to do this - because it is a very big important, adult thing to do it requires preparation. Go with her to watch baptisms at her church, talk about what she sees. Go with her to talk to the youth or children's pastor and have them explain baptism to her. Have her write out who Jesus is to her, and how a person comes to be saved - if she doesn't know all these answers, help her to find them in the Bible and show her. Through these steps she may come to see herself that she's not ready, or you might see that she is.

[AmyM]

I have to echo Darcy too. She said it much better than me. Sweet story Mandy, God is working there at your house. BTW, he's kicking my butt right now too, in a good way of course. I guess you could call me a bapticostle LOL. I've always been to SBC churches, a few pentecostles, and I love listening to the calvary chapel preachers. So I do get where you're coming from on baptism. Listen to Darcy!