WWYD? Snoop or not?

[Coila]

My kids are much too young to have Facebook but when my sister-in-law (she is 16) was over here she left her page open and it made me wonder... when my kids are teens would I snoop on their pages? What would you do?

[jacinda]

Yep, I'd snoop. My kids are only 4 and 7 right now, but already I worry about their teenage years. I'd want to know what they're up to. Actually, I'd friend them on facebook so I could see their posts.

[CA Dreamer]

Lol! I'd snoop. My friends make it a rule that their teens must be friends with their parents on fb or they can't have an account.

[Chantal Miller]

Mines 12 and cannot wait (some of her friends are on already) I fact she's worked out that she'll be the last join amoung her friends.

Yes I'd snoop. And we also have a rule that when she goes on both her dad and i will be friends or there'll be no facebook

[adrianka]

If they learn to use groups, snooping won't help, you won't see anything they do that way.

A friend of mine taught her kids not to reveal too much on FB - they can friend whoever they like, but they should think twice before posting. Seems like a sensible rule. She also told me about someone's father friending his daughter on FB pretending being someone else, and that honestly creeped me out.

[*Celeste*]

my kids will have to give me the passwords to their accounts and friend me.

[MissKim]

Not only must my kids be my friend, I set their passwords and they aren't allowed to change them. This is because at one point, my daughter was sending facebook messages to a boy who was 4 years older than her (she was in 8th grade, he was a junior). I did a spot check and discovered hundreds of messages. So now I have both of my teens passwords and will sign on (not often, about once every six months) and just check messages. They live in my house, I get to know what's going on.

[Amy Carey]

Originally Posted by MissKim

Not only must my kids be my friend, I set their passwords and they aren't allowed to change them. This is because at one point, my daughter was sending facebook messages to a boy who was 4 years older than her (she was in 8th grade, he was a junior). I did a spot check and discovered hundreds of messages. So now I have both of my teens passwords and will sign on (not often, about once every six months) and just check messages. They live in my house, I get to know what's going on.

THIS exactly. I've already caught Katie (14) in some FB shenanigans. Whats worse is I have to snoop behind my HUSBAND. SHEESH.

[mummytothree]

My teen isn't on facebook, she doesn't have an email account...in fact she hasn't been on the computer in the last 5 or 6 months! I am one of those "mean mom's".....I survived without internet growing up (we got a computer when I was in High school, but I didn't experience internet until I was 18 and in college) and I turned out just fine!!! I think she will too!!!

She does have a cell phone that she uses during school (for sports picking up ect) and every night she hands it over and I look at ever single in coming and out going text, then I look at the account to make sure none have been deleted. So far she has been very responsible and used it wisely and accordingly.

I agree with Kim on the point that she is in my house and my care and if I pay for it then I'll look whenever I want!!!

[emmasmommy]

my child (a bazillion years from now) will have the notifications sent to my email as well as me having the password. if you're in my house, you'll follow my rules and i'm gonna try my darndest to keep the shenanigans away for as long as i can. (and no, i'm not naive enough to think i can keep her shielded from 'bad' forever...but i can try damnit). damn right i'd snoop.

[MamaBee]

ugh... so not looking forward to when J is older...

I would snoop, too... heck I have snooped my SIL's myspace and facebook accounts since she was 18... she was very, very young for her age... she came over to this country from Russia when she was like 10 to a very small everyone knows everyone town. My FIL and his wife are very clueless about what can happen... she is now 22 and still young for her age... but I'm not as concerned about her.

[rachaelsscraps]

When I had custody of my 13 year old sister last winter, we told her she could use Facebook as long as we knew her password. I only checked in on her account once (with her right there) but I think her knowing that I knew the password kept her from doing anything she shouldn't have.

[SweetMelissa]

When my kids have Facebook I will know the password. I also won't let them have one until they are 15 or 16.

[lovely1m]

With the internet, I think its very important to snoop. He will give me his password and I will check every so often.

[maryinaz]

My 16 year old is required to be my FB friend, my 19 year old college student is not. I am not a big snooper - I don't go through drawers, etc. But my boys know I can. I'm a very suspicious mom though, so I do grill them on what they are doing, where they are going, etc. But there is really only so much you can do. If a kid is going to get into trouble, they will find a way.

Thankfully, my boys stay way too busy with activities and good friends to get into trouble. So. Far. (I never say never!)

[AmberK]

I will definitely do this when my boys are old enough for FB and stuff. Thank goodness its a ways off.

Originally Posted by MissKim

Not only must my kids be my friend, I set their passwords and they aren't allowed to change them. This is because at one point, my daughter was sending facebook messages to a boy who was 4 years older than her (she was in 8th grade, he was a junior). I did a spot check and discovered hundreds of messages. So now I have both of my teens passwords and will sign on (not often, about once every six months) and just check messages. They live in my house, I get to know what's going on.

[tanyiadeskins]

I do not "snoop" ... that implies doing it behind someone's back. My girls must give me the password to any and all internet anything. They know at any time if I feel the need I will bring them and look through their accounts with them, ask if I have questions, explain why they shouldn't do something if they are doing something I feel dangerous or improper. They have been taught serious internet security and how things NEVER go away once they are out there. I also have the same right with their phones and text messages. My 18 yr has never had a problem, so far neither has the 13 yr old. But I hope that luck continues. I agree... you can only do so much.

For me, snooping is a BIG no no though, you need your kid to trust you or they will not come to you when they need help, imo. My mother was a snooper and I to this day never trust her.

[Lyd]

Originally Posted by tanyiadeskins

I do not "snoop" ... that implies doing it behind someone's back. My girls must give me the password to any and all internet anything. They know at any time if I feel the need I will bring them and look through their accounts with them, ask if I have questions, explain why they shouldn't do something if they are doing something I feel dangerous or improper. They have been taught serious internet security and how things NEVER go away once they are out there. I also have the same right with their phones and text messages. My 18 yr has never had a problem, so far neither has the 13 yr old. But I hope that luck continues. I agree... you can only do so much.

For me, snooping is a BIG no no though, you need your kid to trust you or they will not come to you when they need help, imo. My mother was a snooper and I to this day never trust her.

This. The word "snoop" makes me feel like there is an abuse of trust going on. My kids are really young, but as they get older, they are going to know that DH and I are going to be checking on them - internet history, e-mail, texts, FB posts (or whatever the popular social networking thing is by then), etc. If they don't want us to see something they don't like, they'll be better off not doing it in the first place.

But, I'm like Laura too - not so naive to think that we'll be able to keep them away from all the bad stuff. Hopefully, we're teaching them well enough along the way that they'll want to and know how to avoid the really dangerous behaviors.

I'm scared for the teenage years.

[newfiemountiewife]

I don't even snoop on my DH's Facebook! If he leaves it open, I just close it. I would hope he would do the same for mine. I will not snoop on my kids accounts, I will trust them until I have a reason not to. I can't expect them to never do anything or see anything bad, but they need to know that there is trust there from me. I do know passwords to anything they want to use, and right now, they are too young or just not interested in finding a work around yet.

I have a one up on my kids though....their dad is a cop, and does tech crime courses. So he can get in and find out ANYTHING. I will make sure they are aware of this. LOL

A lot of the skating girls I coach have their parents as friends, and I have them as friends as well. HOWEVER I do know that many of them also have "fake" accounts that they use for all their other shenanigans. I just thought that you all might want to know about that part!

[nun69]

Originally Posted by maryinaz

I amnot a big snooper - I don't go through drawers, etc. But my boys know I can. I'm a very suspicious mom though, so I do grill them on what they are doing, where they are going, etc. But there is really only so much you can do. If a kid is going to get into trouble, they will find a way.

this....and MY DD is 18 and chose to be my friend on FB, I didn't make her....and I totally agree, if they want to get in trouble, they WILL find a way without you knowing. My DD stil ask permission to go out with friends and such So for now I am a lucky parent! When the rest of them become teenagers I can only hope fpr it!

[adrianka]

Originally Posted by newfiemountiewife

HOWEVER I do know that many of them also have "fake" accounts that they use for all their other shenanigans. I just thought that you all might want to know about that part!

I was wondering when somebody would point this out. That's what I'd do if anybody tried to follow my accounts. Too much control and strictness is never good, because it can lead to cheating and lack of trust.

[AmyG]

Originally Posted by *Celeste*

my kids will have to give me the passwords to their accounts and friend me.

We do this. My cousin's daughter, who is the same age as my son, unfriended her Mom a while ago. I noticed her account was being hacked a LOT and she said something on there about a girl at school getting suspended for spreading rumors about her on FB. I sent my cousin a message asking if things were OK with her daughter, never heard back, and then my cousin's daughter unfriended me, the snot! She's still my son's friend and I cannot believe the crap she's posting or the photos she's uploading. Bound for trouble IMO.

[Jennifer]

Originally Posted by ltarbox

This. The word "snoop" makes me feel like there is an abuse of trust going on. My kids are really young, but as they get older, they are going to know that DH and I are going to be checking on them - internet history, e-mail, texts, FB posts (or whatever the popular social networking thing is by then), etc. If they don't want us to see something they don't like, they'll be better off not doing it in the first place.

But, I'm like Laura too - not so naive to think that we'll be able to keep them away from all the bad stuff. Hopefully, we're teaching them well enough along the way that they'll want to and know how to avoid the really dangerous behaviors.

I'm scared for the teenage years.

I totally agree with all of this. Some of my son's friends (8 years old!!!) are getting their own FB accounts and I think that's just ridiculous. When our time comes, we'll be right there to make sure they're doing the right things. That's our job as parents.

[Angie4b1g]

They have to be my friend, and they are only allowed to add people they actually know IRL.

[tuneskids]

Jenna is 12 and has a facebook account - I set it up with one of my secondary emails, so I am the one that gets the notifications. I also created the password, which she doesn't know yet (although if she was really creative, she would figure it out pretty quickly. lol). So, you guessed it, she can't log on anywhere but here at home, with parental supervision (me being in the house) and with parental controls set up on the computer that log her activity. She has both myself and Des as her friends, as well as her big brother and lots of family, so she knows she is being "monitored" at all times.

Now if only that "monitoring" feeling continued for my 16 year old son ... thankfully he has both his little sisters blocked from a lot of his activity, but geesh kid, your mom sees everything you post (as do many of his aunts & uncles). At times, I wish I was blocked too.

[maryinaz]

Originally Posted by nun69

this....and MY DD is 18 and chose to be my friend on FB, I didn't make her....and I totally agree, if they want to get in trouble, they WILL find a way without you knowing. My DD stil ask permission to go out with friends and such So for now I am a lucky parent! When the rest of them become teenagers I can only hope fpr it!

I consider myself extremely lucky too! My 19 yo who is just home for the summer from college, still asks permission to go out at night. Which he should since he is once again under my roof, but it's nice that it's not a problem.

My last 2 are going to be teenagers in about a month - 4 teenagers at once! Pray for me!! LOL

[scrappurple]

Yep. I have my 16 year old's password. It is not snooping. I have been given the gift of a child and it is my responsibility to keep them safe. I haven't actually had a reason to snoop, but Bri knows that at anytime either myself or her father will check up on her. And if she gives us an attitude, then she looses the privilege.

[kscwgirl]

Abby has a facebook but she only has it to play games and she's friends with family or close friends only.. she loves the facebook games and begged for her own account so I made her one w/ one of my emails. When the time comes that she's using it as her own account, I will have her password, no ifs ands or buts about that.

[cardinalskate]

The online world is scary. Regardless of whether or not it's a trust issue with your own kids, you can never trust all the other people on there! You have to be able to monitor what they're doing! So yes, when the time comes, a long time from now, I will have my DD's passwords and she will know that I have the ability to check up on her. We can't shield them from everything, of course, but like Heidi said, this online world is a privilege.

[ZaCola3]

I snoop...my kids have to have me as their friends...or they can kiss facebook goodbye.

[Kjersti]

Yes - I get copies of all my daughter's emails sent to my account. There is no such thing as privacy in my house

[SmallMoments]

Most definitely.

[melrio]

Originally Posted by MissKim

Not only must my kids be my friend, I set their passwords and they aren't allowed to change them. This is because at one point, my daughter was sending facebook messages to a boy who was 4 years older than her (she was in 8th grade, he was a junior). I did a spot check and discovered hundreds of messages. So now I have both of my teens passwords and will sign on (not often, about once every six months) and just check messages. They live in my house, I get to know what's going on.

Completely agree! My house, my rules and its only because you love them and want to protect them that a parent would do this. Mine are grown now but when they were home, it was the rule and I think they learned from it too. I've already had 3 of the kids close their facebook pages and they're on their own.

[DawnMarch]

My daughter (11) doesn't have FB yet, but she does have an e-mail account (a kids one on AOL that they have special protections on) and texting. Our family "terms of use" require that I have access to all her accounts at any time to monitor as I see fit.

Of course, I do try to teach her as I go along. In our converstaions, I've made up a fake character -- named Otto -- who is an old, gruff-voiced man who goes online pretending to be a young girl to collect "friends." I do a great Otto imitation, if I do so say myself. So, whenever she asks whether she can friend someone or do something new, I always ask "are you sure it isn't Otto?" She always laughs, but she gets the point.

[Jengerbread88]

Here's my personal experience, not as someone snooping, but as someone who's been snooped on.

In high school, we had a foreign exchange student. She and I couldn't stand each other. We were constantly irritated with each other, hung out in different circles, and consistently stabbed each other in the back every chance we got. We were catty teens. It happens. It shouldn't, but it did. Anyway, I posted a lot of stuff on my Xanga account (before facebook was a big thing). I trashed her. A lot.

Surprise! Someone found it. And called my mom. And my mom read it. And took away my computer privileges for 6 months. And when my privileges WERE returned, guess who had my passwords for everything?

I was so mad at first. Come on, I should be allowed to say what I want! It's a free country, right? And she was saying mean things about me at school! Sure, it wasn't written down for the world to see, but hey, it was the same thing, right?

But you know what? As soon as I was stopped from posting those mean comments about her, our relationship started to repair. We started getting along better. She stopped saying mean things about me at school. And now, she's one of my best friends in the entire world. I confide in her regarding just about everything.

When my mom snooped, she prevented me from cyberbullying someone more. By doing that, she repaired a lot of issues in our relationship, and helped us become VERY close.

Because of my experience on the OTHER side of the parent-child snooping issue, it makes me think that I'll probably snoop on my children, too.

[Coila]

My kids are only 4, 2 and 7 weeks so I wont have to worry about this for awhile but I was really curious where others stood! When I was a teenager I didnt have a myspace or facebook but my parents snooped on me. They actually read my journal. I feel that crosses a line but I dont think something that is on the internet is exactly private.

When my sister in law left her page open I saw a few things that really shocked and scared me! She's 16. I remember what it is like wanting to fit in but I definitely would not compromise my integrity ... even as a teenager. I just fear she is going down the wrong path. She doesnt really have anyone to guide her. Her mother is an unfit parent and her father lives in another state. She is being raised by her grandma who is just too old and worn out to handle her. She asks me for advice and guidance so I feel like I should say something but I dont know what. I am not prepared for teenagers lol.

[nun69]

on that note Coila, then maybe you should get invovled. Especially if she really doesn't have a parent that cares and can guide her. She is at a very vulnerable age and hopefully you can help her.

[scrappurple]

ALWAYS tell her the truth. Even if she doesn't want to hear it. Deep down inside, she knows it is right and wants someone to tell her that.

[maggie965]

For my son, it was a condition of him getting Facebook or any other online account. He had to friend me and I had to have his ID's and passwords. If he had any secret accounts that I found out about, he would lose priviledges. He's 17 now and we haven't had any issues. I'll have to watch my daughter though! She'll be the sneaky one!

[deepounds]

I don't think monitoring your kids' activity on the internet constitutes snooping. It's your responsibility as a parent to keep them safe, and there are too many opportunities for "shenanigans" online, FB included. That doesn't mean you have to stalk them or control their every move - but to me, it's irresponsible and neglectful NOT to pay attention to what they're doing.

[jessica31876]

I really think each child is different. If you have reasons to believe your child could be in trouble then it is not about snooping but protecting/guiding your child. I would always give my own kids the oppurtunity to tell me before sneaking/snooping but if I thought something they were doing would cause them harm and I ask and they are not fully honest or make me think something is going on I will do whatever it took to make sure they are ok. Be mad at me all they want but in the end Id rather have them mad and safe then doing something that could cause serious problems for themselves.