What would you do?

[kscwgirl]

I'm annoyed.

My son's class has peanut/tree nut, milk and egg allergies.

I emailed the parents a reminder for their signups for the Fall party on Monday.

One mom emailed me back and asked about allergies, because she was signed up for candy, and said, I know we have peanut allergies, but what else do we have.

So I explained all the allergies and said we have 23 students, so please make sure you send enough.

Today, I get a bag sent home from her.

In that bag is a bag of 14 Reese's peanut butter cups.

So.. what would you do?

Would you email her and say.. did you possibly send me the wrong bag?
Would you return the candy to her student with a note that says thanks but you can't use this?
Or
Would you give the candy to your husband and just go buy something to replace it?

I'm still annoyed.

[MamaBee]

Seriously? She does realize that allergies mean that you don't send items with those items in it... geez, what a ditz!

Hmm... I suppose the proper thing would be to contact her and question... but I'm not that nice - I would send the bad back and a note that said, "really?"

[Darcy Baldwin]

make sure to send it back to her with an explanation that it can't be used so that she'll understand. If you don't..she'll be clueless. You'll probably need to purchase a replacement bag just in case she doesn't follow through. But definitely let her know!

[SweetMelissa]

I would call and ask if maybe there was a mix up. If not then say okay I just wanted to make sure and say thank you. Then I would replace it with something else. I don't like conflict so I wouldn't want to make a big deal out of it but I would def question it to make sure this is what she ment to send in. Then I would make sure she never signs up to bring food in again..

[Starlight-Princess]

I came accross this before in daycare, the parent of a child in my class sent in halloween treats that weren't suitable so I politely explained that due to allergies they couldnt be served. Her response was "well my kid doesn't have allergies so they can be served to the kids that don't" so some parents just don't care. I'd email her and say they can't be used and if she needs a list of the allergies again just to let you know x

[kscwgirl]

Originally Posted by Darcy Baldwin

make sure to send it back to her with an explanation that it can't be used so that she'll understand. If you don't..she'll be clueless. You'll probably need to purchase a replacement bag just in case she doesn't follow through. But definitely let her know!

I have to buy something anyway, b/c the party is monday and there's no school thurs and fri. I just didn't know if I should send it back to her or not.

[nun69]

I would email her and just ask....and then I woudl add the Reeese's to my Halloween candy bowl for ToTreaters and then go buy a replacement bag...I don't think sending it back to the kid with a note is cool because then you are kinda putting the kid in the middle and the bag might not make it home and get replaced by the time you need it...kwim....

[Misty Cato]

I'd buy a replacement bag and send them back with a note explaining that they can't be used. It may save you grief at future parties.

[ColleenSwerb]

I would definitely let her know, someway, that what she sent couldn't be served. You know. Because of the PEANUT ALLERGY THAT SHE KNEW ABOUT. AND that she can't count. Geezus, people never cease to amaze me.

But really, you need to let her know. Cuz she might just be that clueless. Which is downright scary.

[haydensmommy217]

I agree with what Darcy and Misty are saying, buy a replacement bag and send her a note or an email telling her why they cant be used.

[[michele]]

*facepalm* Really? I've tried coming up with a scenario to give her the benefit of the doubt, but all I've come up with is stupidity.

Will she be at the party? Because then maybe you could give the bag of candy back to her with a "whoops - I bet the peanut free candy went to someone else!" or something like that.

[Paula]

I'd send it back to her and explain that you can't give the kids Reeses PB cups because there is a peanut allergy.

Oh, and I wouldn't buy a new bag, I'd ask her to buy a new bag. She signed up for it, and I'd make her follow through.

And I would definitely tell her that she needs to provide the PROPER amount.

[Teresa]

Unfortunately, I've found it's just "too much" for a lot of parents to have to think about if they don't have to worry about it for their own kids...sad, but true. Maybe that's what's going on here or (hopefully) it's a mix up, but either way I agree with the others and would send it back with an explanation and buy a replacement bag.

As a side note...thank you for taking the lead on making sure everything is OK for ALL the students! I'm constantly bringing our own party treats for my girls because everything on the sign-up sheet contains milk/wheat/eggs, etc. Hoping we'll outgrow this one day!

[emmasmommy]

Originally Posted by Teresa

Unfortunately, I've found it's just "too much" for a lot of parents to have to think about if they don't have to worry about it for their own kids...sad, but true. Maybe that's what's going on here or (hopefully) it's a mix up, but either way I agree with the others and would send it back with an explanation and buy a replacement bag.

this. exactly.

[kscwgirl]

Thanks girls

Paula, I have to replace it on my own, b/c the party is Monday and there's no school thurs & fri so she can't send a replacement bag in.

[kscwgirl]

Originally Posted by [michele]

*facepalm* Really? I've tried coming up with a scenario to give her the benefit of the doubt, but all I've come up with is stupidity.

Will she be at the party? Because then maybe you could give the bag of candy back to her with a "whoops - I bet the peanut free candy went to someone else!" or something like that.

LOL Michelle.. the ONLY thing I can come up with is that she gave the wrong kid the wrong bag.. but I don't even know.

[BrattyMeg]

I think for future donations I'd just send a note to parents saying due to allergies that you will be purchasing all candy/snacks for the class functions could they just send in $$. Saves them the headache of coming up with something ev1 can eat and saves you the headache of having to eventually replace what's brought in. There's no way every parent will send in the right products each time. As a parent I'd much rather send you a check or cash than have to go hunting or making a product that's allergy sensitive..I have a kid with an allergy and it's not an easy thing to deal with.

[heathergw]

maybe someone can make a list of snacks and candy that can be used... that might make it easier in the long run to just sign up for the specific thing... lot of work but maybe worth it.

[jessica31876]

this would probably be a good idea. that would have less confusion about what was ok and what wasn't and it would make it a whole lot easier on the parents who are not quite sure what is ok and what is not ok

Originally Posted by heathergw

maybe someone can make a list of snacks and candy that can be used... that might make it easier in the long run to just sign up for the specific thing... lot of work but maybe worth it.

[Nettio]

I'm with Meg - I think sending money would be easier. Plus if it were my child with the allergy, I'd feel more comfortable knowing a well-informed parent was buying the treats rather than who knows what coming from random parents, especially with that many allergies to worry about.

As far as the parent, I'd try to find a nice way to let her know that the candy couldn't be used and remind her that it's because it's a serious safety issue for the children. Yes it's stupid but some people are just clueless as to how serious food allergies can be.

[Paula]

Originally Posted by Nettio

I'm with Meg - I think sending money would be easier. Plus if it were my child with the allergy, I'd feel more comfortable knowing a well-informed parent was buying the treats rather than who knows what coming from random parents, especially with that many allergies to worry about.

As far as the parent, I'd try to find a nice way to let her know that the candy couldn't be used and remind her that it's because it's a serious safety issue for the children. Yes it's stupid but some people are just clueless as to how serious food allergies can be.

totally this!!

[kscwgirl]

Yeah, I am def going to do that for the winter and valentine's parties. I forgot just how clueless people could be.

[kscwgirl]

The worst part is, I have candy coming from 2 more parents that I'm picking up tomorrow night at my conference. I'm scared.

[Jengerbread88]

My cousin has a severe peanut allergy (if he's even around nut dust or anything, he can go into anaphalactic shock). It's hard to find things that he can eat sometimes! You really have to check each and every thing, and even if it has no nuts, a lot of times it's made in a factory with nuts, or came in contact with nuts, or something. We eat peanut butter in our house, so whenever he comes over we have to thoroughly clean and make sure that there's no peanut butter jars laying out, etc, just so he's not coming in contact with peanuts at all.

In school, a lot of parents would say "Well, why can't we bring x amount of this for everyone else, and then ___ for him?" I totally get them asking that, but it sucks for a few reasons: 1) a lot of times, they'd bring it in the same bag/container/whatever, so he still couldn't have it (and even if they didn't, a lot of times it was made at the same time as whatever else they bought and still cross-contaminated- he had a real scare from that once), 2) it singles the kid out as "different," and 3) The whole, it's in the air, other kids get it on hands, desks, etc and if it comes in contact with his mouth or nose, blah.

There are SO many allergies out there, and it's hard to meet all the needs of all of the kids. It would be best, as everyone else mentioned, just to get money and have one person who knows how to check for allergies to get it all sorted out.

[lauren grier]

buy a bag of dum dum lollies :] and tell the lady she's crazy. most schools have peanut allergy rules these days so that's just bonkers to me that she was so oblivious. There are no peanut products allowed at all into ce's class room-- so i'd be hesitant to send it back through the kidlets (they could get hungry you know and try to eat them and subsequently get in trouble because their mum is a ditz-- you never know )

[origami]

You know, it has just GOT to be that she sent the wrong bag of candy with the wrong kid OR her husband was apparently in charge that morning and simply had no clue and just randomly put the wrong bag of candy in the kid's backpack. She did ask you, so it sounds like there must have been a mix-up. Not sure exactly what I'd do, but is she likely to find out if you just replace the candy with something else yourself? Probably not, so I say give it to your husband and replace it yourself. I'd just thank everyone and move on and when it's time for the next party I would probably make a very specific list of approved items and then let people sign up for what they want to bring.

I got an email this week from the person running our party and she was like, "What do you want to bring?" And I wrote back, "What do you want me to bring? What do you need?" Honestly, I'd like to be given a specific list of choices or a suggestion of what to bring.

[mrshobbes]

I agree with Darcy and Meghan--inform her, but maybe going forward it'd be better to just ask parents to donate.

(and the meanie in me would email her some newspaper clipping of fatalities due to allergies--those aren't things she should take lightly )

[Kjersti]

It's just strange that she actually verified with you there was a peanut allergy and then sent the peanut butter cups. It doesn't add up.

I'd go with option C......eat them all yourelf

[sprauncey1]

You are so sweet Sara to be handling this and bless you for taking it all so seriously. As a mom of a peanut allergic pre-schooler, this scenario just scares me. Sigh. I try to inform people, I try to send a list of OK stuff (and how to read labels), I send in snacks all the time so there are things, and yet I'm still running into parents sending in PB&J sands. I know its hard for those parents that don't have to deal with this everyday, but those nut allergies are like a Russian roulette game, one of these times it will fire!

So yes, send a note. Keep the candy. And I love the idea of donating money to a well informed organizer who knows what she/he is doing!

[Stacey42]

I like the list idea. If you are not used to reading labels for that sort of thing you might think "oh regular M&Ms are ok, they don't have peanuts." but they do because they are made in the same facility.
Reeses peanut butter cups though, well, that is sort of obvious but I am wondering if since there are only 14 of them she was sending in candy for the non-allergy kids. Not everyone realizes the bit about airborne & physical contact issues. They think, "well, the allergy kid doesn't eat it so it's fine". This is fine with my kid who is allergic to strawberries but only if he actually ingests them, but doesn't work with things like peanuts

[marnel]

My son's teacher doesn't email they send out a notice and it says all the time... *PEANUT FREE*
I seriously didn't really put much thought into it until I let Mason take a PB&J for lunch and it got sent back w/a note and now Mr Mason says mami no peanuts b/c so & so can't have it. I am so absent minded nowadays i'm just glad he knows and he reminds me.

[Jenn Barrette]

Great ideas from everyone here. Just wanted to add a *facepalm* as my answer.

[origami]

Originally Posted by Stacey42

I like the list idea. If you are not used to reading labels for that sort of thing you might think "oh regular M&Ms are ok, they don't have peanuts." but they do because they are made in the same facility.
Reeses peanut butter cups though, well, that is sort of obvious but I am wondering if since there are only 14 of them she was sending in candy for the non-allergy kids. Not everyone realizes the bit about airborne & physical contact issues. They think, "well, the allergy kid doesn't eat it so it's fine". This is fine with my kid who is allergic to strawberries but only if he actually ingests them, but doesn't work with things like peanuts

Oh wow, I'll bet you're right. But still, if she was told specifically that enough candies needed to be sent in for everyone, don't you think she would have sent in 3 non-peanut candies? That's why I'm confused and think that there must have been a mix-up. I mean, seriously, why would you send in 14 Reese's peanut butter cups and not send in anything for the other kids? Do people really think like that? Sigh.......

Regardless, I think that next time there's a party, the note that gets sent home needs to have the PEANUT-FREE statement emblazoned at the top. People with nut allergies often are violently allergic to the particles that get into the air. Just make the next party idiot-proof and send out a sign up sheet for specific items.

[julia]

Gah, are you serious?? Geez, some people!?!? Makes no sense. Definitely let her know, as some said, for future reference, but I'd just buy a replacement bag and keep the cups for yourself.

[maryinaz]

What I *should* do is not always what I *would* do.

In your circumstance with no time left, I would replace it, chalk it up to her being stupid, and then ask for money next time and buy it all myself. And then ask the teacher for a general reminder to be sent to parents about allergies in the classroom.

Letting her know what she did is probably what should be done.

I just find it easier to rely on myself in situations that need this kind of control.

[HeatherB]

Whatever you decide on doing, I think the teacher of that class really needs to send home a very clear reminder about what foods are not allowed/safe at school.

[Scrapper007]

Originally Posted by FlirtatiousBrat

As a parent I'd much rather send you a check or cash than have to go hunting or making a product that's allergy sensitive.

I agree. Fortunately, we have never had to deal with this, but if we did, I sure wouldn't feel easy about looking for the "right" product. None of my kids have allergies (knock on wood), and I wouldn't know the first thing about watching out for certain ingredients.

[scrappurple]

Originally Posted by nun69

I would email her and just ask....and then I woudl add the Reeese's to my Halloween candy bowl for ToTreaters and then go buy a replacement bag...I don't think sending it back to the kid with a note is cool because then you are kinda putting the kid in the middle and the bag might not make it home and get replaced by the time you need it...kwim....

Haha ... this. I would probably also attach a copy of the email that specifically told her as a reminder of the conversation you had.

[kscwgirl]

Thanks girls.. I mentioned it today.. and I should say that the mom of the nut free kid is one I know well.. her son was in daycare w/ JJ for 3 years. She is also another room mom w/ me. So she asked me today how the goody bags were coming and I said fine, and that I had filled in with some candy today and she asked what happened.. so I told her.. and she said wait.. what? and I said.. why.. and she said... I work with both of her parents. *facepalm*

So.. the mom is VERY aware of the allergy.. and I now have completely NO explanation for the pb cups.. b/c I found out today the student doesn't have any older siblings in school.. so it's not the whole wrong bag thing.

[Lindsay]

I try to avoid this whole thing by offering to get the cups, napkins, silverware, etc. If you don't have to deal with allergies (knock on wood), parents might not be aware of many of things you guys have pointed out. I know I've learned a lot from this post.