Talk to me about female friends

[Laurarae13]

Why are some women so competitive and possesive when it comes to friends? I went through this in HS (teenagers OK understandable) 3 of us were friends and it always felt like I was competing with friend 2 to be BFF with friend 1 (the popular one). Then when my oldest son was a toddler my neighbor invited me to join their playgroup. It became obvious fast that 2 women were competing for the "hostess" and they were not happy she had included me. They worked together to shut me out of extra outings etc. And that was that!

Now years later the same crap is starting. I have 2 neighbor friends and we have been hanging for 2 years plus just fine. Lately this summer I have been away and now I find that "Mary" is planning things with "Sue" and not me and then it's like Oh I thought you were busy. Sue is stuck in the middle, but I'm not going to play this juvenile game and try to make her like me better Geesh why do some women not ever grow up?

[maggie965]

that is exactly why I don't have a lot of women friends. I have one or two that I meet up with occasionally but other than that, I don't keep to many close.

[ColleenSwerb]

Because women are insane. We really just are.

That kind of behavior is ridiculous. It's bad enough in HS, let alone as grown adults. I say if you like doing things with Sue, then do things with Sue. There's no rule that says you have to hang out with Mary if she's going to act like a b-word.

I don't put up with that kind of nonsense very well though. She'd be long gone if it were me.

[Lyd]

Most of my female friends are gals that I've been friends with for a really, really long time - like at least 20 years for most of them. I've found that those long-term relationships are so much more stable because there is a sort of understanding that you all have other friends that you met at different points in your life and that it's okay - no competition. The girls I've known for a long time really know who I am and some of the stuff I've been through in life, so I know I can always count on them even if I haven't seen them for a while. And, they know they can count on me. I don't have time or energy for pettiness in a friendship, and I absolutely don't waste time on that kind of thing.

This is the other reason that I think everyone should have a sister.

[nun69]

I say ignore the b#$@% one and just hang with Sue! Being int he military, you learn to treasure realationships with all of your friends {male/female} so I have never really had to worry about this. Plus I work in the same hospital with the majority of my really good friends and we just get each other and I LOVE it!!!

[Jengerbread88]

My only girl friends are on here.

I have a couple of girls I interact with when I'm at school (we go to coffee or to dinner sometimes), but we're not really... friends... per say. If one of us takes a semester off, we don't even really talk at all!

My best friend is a guy, and all of my close friends are guys.

Girls are just drama drama drama. I'm sorry you're dealing with it.

[Laurarae13]

Thanks for your input. People never cease to amaze me I guess. "Mary" and I were friends before "Sue" moved in. She has always been competitive about things like sports teams and her perfect kids, but had mellowed out (I thought) My hubby says she needs to get a life. Still it kind of hurts your feelings... I actually have 4 sisters but they all live in different states

[MamaBee]

Well... Mary sounds like she is jealous of you... I have the same problem with two of who I thought were my best friends... but now they want nothing to do with me since I decided to stay home with my son. Best friend number one got married last weekend... and BF2 was in the wedding party... Me? I wasn't even invited... it was an after thought.

I've never been able to get along with girls/women... I thought it was just me... I do not even have a IRL friend that I would be able to call to help me out in the middle of the night... oh well, that is why I have family to lean on.

[Kenzi]

I think you need 4 in a group lol! I have never put much stock in this sort of stuff even in high school. But I think you're right... girls just get that way, especially in 3's. Why is it so wrong for 2 friends to be closer with out others getting their feelings hurt? or one getting competitive with the other even when its not warranted or reciprocated? I don't know and will never know I think. Bugs the heck out of me though. Please women just chill! The only time it has worked well was in even groups then you can pair off and hang separate from the group or be comfortable in a group. In threesomes there's always an odd woman out lol. Then if just 2 of you want to hang you almost feel like you have to hide it from the other even if you do really like her... Does this even make any sense?! Haha! I don't think I communicate well through writing

[SweetMelissa]

This is exactly why 95% of my friends live in my computer. I just can not take crap like that. High school is long over and I just don't understand why some people have to have the drama in their lives. I really don't have any advice for you but I do hope this gets resolved quickly (or that you get something worked out).

[AmyG]

How sad for THEM, you are better than that! Hang with Sue if you like her and ignore the one you don't.

I have two BFFs. One lives near me, the other in NC. I've know one since I was 11 and the other I met at 16. We three are besties!

In high school I had tons of guy friends too. Girls, meh. Most were catty and obnoxious. Always wanting to compete! Over boyfriends, grades, cars, clothes, blah blah blah. Now they are grown up and want to compete with their kids, husbands, houses, cars, blah blah blah.

My Mom was smart to teach me "Don't say anything about anyone you wouldn't say to their face", sadly most people don't learn this lesson, ever. So ya, I like guy friends more lol.

[cardinalskate]

I've never been good with the ladies, either

You're right, women can be so competitive and care so much how they're perceived and looked at. I'd say I'm like Melissa, 95% of my friends are online. I have a couple girlfriends I get together with for lunch, but none that I just hang out with. I sometimes get all misty-eyed about books and the like with a tight-knit group of friends (or even sisters), wishing I had a friendship like that, but then I remember how catty women can be. Does that mean you can't find a good (our a couple good) girlfriend, of course not! But it seems sometimes they're few and far between.

We need digiscrap friends in real life! We seem to be the best women out there!

[Laurarae13]

Kate I TOTALLY agree with your last statement about digi-girls! And BTW my DH is from St. Louis (Big giant Cardinals fan) We might be visiting his family later this month.

[cardinalskate]

Go Cards!!

I'm sure you'll be busy when you come, but bring your laptop and we'll have a scrap get together! We can be friends

[Laurarae13]

Aww you're sweet. That would be fun. It will be a quick weekend though, the agenda includes a Cardinals game (vs the Dodgers) and taking my son to look at Washington University.

[adrianka]

Been through this after I moved to Luxembourg. A lot of my female colleagues behave in a way that a 5-year old might... And since most of my friends are also my colleagues, it was all the harder to swallow. I used to be frustrated with it, but after some time I let go... With people who were worth anything I learned to tolerate their occasional fits of childish behaviour (I have to stress that not each of my friends acts like this and I also admit that after I came here I showed signs of female jealousy as well, it was kinda contagious), but I stopped to see those that weren't really worth it.

[Freckles]

My best friend is male and gay. It's like having a best female friend, but without the jealousy and competition!

[MandaT]

Most of my friends are male, they always have been. I was always more of a tom-boy growing up and even to this day, being married with a herd of children (which was disclosed when before we were married, "I've always been friends with more guys than girls, it's not going to change, either you can accept it for what it is, or we're not getting married") , my best friends are still male.

I have a handful, literally can count them on one hand, of good girl friends, easy going, relaxed women, who understand & cherish good friendships.

The "snippy, B-word, competitive, jealous" girls don't have a place in my life, rather, I don't have time to play games. I'm not 'that' type of girl, so have a hard time relating to & being around that, if that makes sense.

[Amy Carey]

hmm...yes women are catty b*tches,lol. That said, I have one friend I have been close with for over 20 years, and she and I have finally learned we don't always have to be NICE to each other, and we can have arguments, we can disagree, we can be honest. We can just build a bridge and get over it, lol. This is key. Many times in female relationships we try to be too nice, but you can't maintain the nice facade behind their backs. And then resentment sets in. We don't want to be "the one" to say how we really feel. Honesty is a very rare thing among females, unfortunately. That being said, I have one totally insanely crazy friend I met just last year but I know I can let it all hang out with her and she will love me just the same. What's even weirder, one of my high school boyfriends hooked up with me on facebook. We were really close, I was close with his family my whole life, and his brother was my best friend. So then his wife adds me (and I don't blame her, lol) so I ended up having a few talks with her, and one thing led to another and we all hang out together every weekend, lol. How's THAT for weird? Best of both worlds though , lol