A MOM Question

[MommaTrish]

So... lets say you got two kids fighting over a toy... what do you do?
Go.


lol
Sorry, but another mom just told me that if one kid asks another for a toy they HAVE to give the other kid the toy. I was like . I have never heard of anyone doing that, and that got me wondering what everyone else does.

[Angie4b1g]

I take it away from both of them.

[nikkiARNGwife]

Whoever had it first. Even if it belongs to the other one..they usually only decide they want it b/c brother/sister has it anyway.

[nikkiARNGwife]

Originally Posted by Angie4b1g

I take it away from both of them.

or this too lol..if it's progressed into a knock-down fight...they both lose it

[Darcy Baldwin]

If there is fighting, they both lose it.

But no - no one has to give up something they're already playing with if someone asks for it.

[Stacey42]

Two kids fighting over a toy means the toy goes away for awhile in my house.

I encourage them to share & they are not allowed to hoard toys they are not playing with just so their sibling doesn't get to play with the toys. But I don't insist they give up what they are playing with just because another child asks them to do so. I used to try to help them work it out but they are old enough now to know how it goes.

[kim21673]

Whoever had it first.....if they still throw a fit and/or fight I take it away. Depending on what it is we *may* put a time limit on it...one gets it for 10 minutes and then they switch. Most of the time though, it's whoever had it first.

[jacinda]

Originally Posted by Darcy Baldwin

If there is fighting, they both lose it.

But no - no one has to give up something they're already playing with if someone asks for it.

This.

[jessica31876]

It depends on who's toy it is (my child's or someone else's child) and who was fighting over the toy. If it was two of my own children I'd simply take the toy away from both of them. If the fighting was between my child and another child I would encourage my child to share or to find another toy if the other child had the toy first. Kids rarely play with toys for very long so I would just tell my child just wait until they get tired of playing with it then you can have a turn. (we dealt with this ALOT with my daughter and her cousin. Her cousin was slightly spoiled and rarely shared with my daughter but always expected my daughter to share)

[mummytothree]

It depends:

if it's a "community toy" and kid #1 has had it for a while I tend to make them give it up and then I let them play with a "put up toy" (ie: coloring book, play dough, board game).

If it's a "community toy" and kid #1 just started playing with it I do the whole....x more minutes and Kid #2 gets it then I let them play with a "put up toy" (ie: coloring book, play dough, board game).

If it's their own toy (like a gift they got) I make them go to their room to play with it (or in the playroom) and then I give Kid #2 a "put up toy" (ie: coloring book, play dough, board game).

We live in a house with 5 kids ranging in age from 13 to 2....so I'm sure my way of dealing is different then others. But I'm a BIG proponent of sharing and unless you are playing with something that was a gift to you (or you bought yourself for the older kids) then all the toys belong to everyone and need to be shared accordingly. If it's a toy that can be played with together then they do that....if it's a toy that only one person can play with then there will be a time limit placed in that toy. It works well and we don't often have to many fights. What has really helped in those "put up toys" I typed about....almost 9 times out of 10 kid #1 will gladly give up their toy for those!!!

[jaylensmom]

Originally Posted by Darcy Baldwin

If there is fighting, they both lose it.

But no - no one has to give up something they're already playing with if someone asks for it.

exactly this...

[Paula]

I used to take it away from both of them and put it up so that neither kid could play with it.

[jessica31876]

Just a story I had to share regarding this:

I used to take my youngest to a playgroup along with my best friend and her youngest two kids. Her sister-in-law would bring her grandson sometimes who was just slightly younger then my son. Well the grandmother would follow him around and anytime he wanted to play with something another child was playing with she would take it from that child to give to her grandchild. My son would usually let him take whatever he was playing with and move on to another toy but this post just reminded me of that. My best friend did not get along with her sister-in-law and I was not crazy about her either.

[Shawna]

Originally Posted by Darcy Baldwin

If there is fighting, they both lose it.

But no - no one has to give up something they're already playing with if someone asks for it.

This is pretty much exactly how it's handled in our house. Though I will usually try to encourage sharing first and say something like kid #1 gets 5 more minutes with the toy and then you get a turn but if both kids won't go along with that and it escalates to fighting or arguing then it usually just gets put away for awhile. My kids are 10, 7.5 and 4.5 and even though the older 2 are girls and my youngest is a boy there is still frequent fighting over toys in our house

[heathergw]

Originally Posted by Darcy Baldwin

If there is fighting, they both lose it.

But no - no one has to give up something they're already playing with if someone asks for it.

ditto

[Lyd]

Originally Posted by mummytothree

It depends:

if it's a "community toy" and kid #1 has had it for a while I tend to make them give it up and then I let them play with a "put up toy" (ie: coloring book, play dough, board game).

If it's a "community toy" and kid #1 just started playing with it I do the whole....x more minutes and Kid #2 gets it then I let them play with a "put up toy" (ie: coloring book, play dough, board game).

If it's their own toy (like a gift they got) I make them go to their room to play with it (or in the playroom) and then I give Kid #2 a "put up toy" (ie: coloring book, play dough, board game).

We live in a house with 5 kids ranging in age from 13 to 2....so I'm sure my way of dealing is different then others. But I'm a BIG proponent of sharing and unless you are playing with something that was a gift to you (or you bought yourself for the older kids) then all the toys belong to everyone and need to be shared accordingly. If it's a toy that can be played with together then they do that....if it's a toy that only one person can play with then there will be a time limit placed in that toy. It works well and we don't often have to many fights. What has really helped in those "put up toys" I typed about....almost 9 times out of 10 kid #1 will gladly give up their toy for those!!!

I'm actually a lot like this too. I think it's important for kids to feel like they have a little control over things that are "theirs" - birthday/christmas gifts or special toys that they earned in some way. So, while I STRONGLY encourage sharing and try to move them in that direction, I kind of let them choose if they want to share those special toys.

For community toys, I often set timers and say that whoever currently has the toy can continue to play with it for "x" number of minutes, and then the other child gets a turn.

And, of course, if things really start to get out of hand, the toy goes away.

[SmallMoments]

They have to cut it in half so they both get a piece.




LOL Okay not really. Whoever was playing with it first gets it. Unless it's an all-out fight, then it goes away. This is speaking in classroom terms... Luke doesn't have anyone to fight with unless you count the dog. (Reason #21929757 it's nice to have one child! LOL)

[rach3975]

Whoever was playing with it first gets to keep it, though we often set a time limit and at that point it goes to the 2nd child if they still want it. If it escalates into a real fight, I get the toy.

Each of the kids has some toys in their room, and those don't have to be shared unless the owner takes them out of their room and into a family area. Each child is also allowed to have 1 special toy that they don't need to share, and it can change whenever they want. (But not every 5 minutes, LOL. We're talking every few days or weeks.) They usually only bother with that around their birthdays and Hanukkah when they have new things and want some ownership.

[iScrap]

Originally Posted by Darcy Baldwin

If there is fighting, they both lose it.

But no - no one has to give up something they're already playing with if someone asks for it.

This is how it is in our house, too!

[joelsgirl]

I pretty much agree with what everyone else said, especially Lydia. Usually if one kid asks for something the other is playing, I set a timer and the original player gets 5 more minutes before he has to share.

I have a friend who doesn't make her kids share at all, though, and it makes me crazy. If we're at their house, and my kid is playing with a toy and one of hers says, "That's mine. You can't play with it." She says, "Sorry, he doesn't want you playing with that." and makes my kid give it back...and usually he just throws it on the floor because he doesn't want to share but doesn't actually want to play with it. CAN SHE REALY NOT SEE WHAT A BRAT HE IS?? But she can't. At all. I think that if you don't want other kids playing with your stuff, you should put it up. If it's laying on the floor in the living room, though, it's fair game. {Sorry, just needed to get that off my chest, lol.}

[Lyd]

Originally Posted by joelsgirl

I pretty much agree with what everyone else said, especially Lydia.

Now THIS is what I like to hear. Everyone should say this, about everything, all the time. Tee Hee!

[rachaelsscraps]

I don't make the child give up the toy if they had it first, even if it belongs to the kid asking for it. If they fight about it, I take it away..

This kinda thing always ticks me off-
My sister and I both have sons around the same age...and this happens all the time---> My son is playing with my nephew's toy and nephew asks if he can have it. My son says no because he had it first, so nephew (who whines a lot) starts to cry. My sister asks my son to give it to him (which I don't agree with)... then when it's turned around and my nephew is playing with my son's toy and my son asks for it, my sister says, "he had it first" to my son. URG!!! I hate that kinda crap. But I don't want to start a fight with her over it. So what then? I just hate the double standards.

[jessica31876]

Rachel that is exactly how my husband's sister-in-law was with her daughter/my daughter. We no longer talk and I cannot stand her. My husband does not like her very much either but he is civil whenever he sees her since she is married to his brother. She never comes to any family events though so he only sees her when he goes to his brothers house and she is home.

[ChristyHC]

I've had a ton of success by teaching my kiddos to say "When you're done can I have a turn?" Something about that phrase seems to empower the "wanter" of the toy to feel like they are doing something to get it and empowers the "haver" of the toy to feel like they can share it on their turns. After using this phrase the toy is rarely not shared within a couple of minutes.

If the toy is fought over again and again in a short time, then I announce that they toy must be causing trouble and needs a "time out." So we take it away and put it up high on a shelf or something.

[lliella]

Originally Posted by ChristyHC

I've had a ton of success by teaching my kiddos to say "When you're done can I have a turn?" Something about that phrase seems to empower the "wanter" of the toy to feel like they are doing something to get it and empowers the "haver" of the toy to feel like they can share it on their turns. After using this phrase the toy is rarely not shared within a couple of minutes.

If the toy is fought over again and again in a short time, then I announce that they toy must be causing trouble and needs a "time out." So we take it away and put it up high on a shelf or something.

ooh.. i like this! might try teaching my kids to say that phrase when they want to play with a toy from sibling