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Old 07-22-2021, 11:37 PM
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Default Something "bad" that you are proud of

In a meeting today, my boss told me I would like a new employee that was coming on board because she was "just as honest, blunt and pushy" as I am and "is not afraid to make a decision." I think it was a compliment for the most part, but it got me to thinking about myself, especially the pushy part.

Pushy has a negative connotation to it, but I can be very pushy, especially if there is a deadline looming. My job is pretty fast paced and things can often go awry, so making fast decisions is part of it. I am pretty impatient with people who can't make a decision in the time I need them to, so I am not at all adverse to making it myself and getting things done. My boss knows that I am going to do what I think is best and tell him about it later, and he is comfortable with that. So yes, if that is pushy, than I am proudly pushy. I am not as pushy in my personal life, but I am not a pushover either. LOL

I am also pretty blunt, which most people think is mean, but that is never my intention. I think it goes back to being impatient; I don't have the desire to waste time beating around the bush so I just lay it all out. I equate it with being honest. I do realize that I may lack some tack on occasion but I do not think people, adults, need to be handled with "kid's gloves." The facts are the facts and we all need to deal with the facts. Again, this is much more pronounced in my work persona than my personal one, but it exists there as well.

So after thinking about what my boss said, I came to the conclusion that pushy and blunt may not be the most complimentary of terms, but I am both, and, you know what, I am fine with it.

I've also been told I am stubborn, but I counter with, no I am just determined. It is sorta the same, but the later sounds better. LOL

Do you have a trait that you gladly lay claim to that might not be considered positive at first glance, but really is? If so, tell me about it and how/why you think it makes you a better person. I certainly can't be the only one who has "negative" traits that have served her well in life.
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Old 07-23-2021, 12:01 AM
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I am a control freak & bullheaded to a fault. Everyone who knows me knows it & either puts up with it or doesn't hang out with me.

Control freaks get things done! They also generally know what's going on & can be counted on to plan and execute things. Being bullheaded means that I go after what I want and don't fold when an obstacle crops up.

Last edited by LeeAndra; 07-23-2021 at 12:04 AM.
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Old 07-23-2021, 02:06 PM
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Oh boy... that's a hard one. I don't like thinking about myself.

I'm definitely a control freak and it does make me a great organizer and planner.

I can also be blunt like you Lorie and I do put it on the side of being honest. If people don't like it then so be it.
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Old 07-23-2021, 02:43 PM
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I think a lot of these "bad" traits are only perceived as bad because we're women and that badness is pushed upon us. When is the last time you heard someone describe a man "pushy" at work? I never have. It's called a "can-do attitude", he's "getting things done", etc. Woman are called pushy or bossy, or my personal favorite, "demanding" when exhibiting the same behavior.

I give no consideration to a negative assessment of who I am unless it's not based in sexism, racism, or any other conscious or unconscious bias and that it comes from someone who really knows me, not some rando. It's very freeing.
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Old 07-23-2021, 08:07 PM
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I'm a perfectionist. It does have negative connotations, and some of them are true. It takes me forever to feel like I have enough information to make a good decision. (We could never work together, Lorie! Then again, part of the reason DH and I work is that I'm the family researcher and gather all the necessary info, and DH is a quick-decision-maker type who relies on my research.) But it also means I'm organized and detail oriented. Bosses love me because I'm careful and thorough. In my personal life I'm willing to put a lot of time and effort into anything that I consider worthwhile, and it usually pays off in the long run.
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Old 07-24-2021, 01:40 PM
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Originally Posted by iScrap View Post
I think a lot of these "bad" traits are only perceived as bad because we're women and that badness is pushed upon us. When is the last time you heard someone describe a man "pushy" at work? I never have. It's called a "can-do attitude", he's "getting things done", etc. Woman are called pushy or bossy, or my personal favorite, "demanding" when exhibiting the same behavior.

I give no consideration to a negative assessment of who I am unless it's not based in sexism, racism, or any other conscious or unconscious bias and that it comes from someone who really knows me, not some rando. It's very freeing.
You are right! Well said.
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Old 07-24-2021, 01:43 PM
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I'm a perfectionist. It does have negative connotations, and some of them are true. It takes me forever to feel like I have enough information to make a good decision. (We could never work together, Lorie! Then again, part of the reason DH and I work is that I'm the family researcher and gather all the necessary info, and DH is a quick-decision-maker type who relies on my research.) But it also means I'm organized and detail oriented. Bosses love me because I'm careful and thorough. In my personal life I'm willing to put a lot of time and effort into anything that I consider worthwhile, and it usually pays off in the long run.
We could work together on many things, but probably not on the last minute stuff. I am a details person too, I have to be because of all the products and customers I deal with every day, but when a decision needs to be made, I don't often have the luxury of taking my time. But as I said, this is work mode. Personal decisions, I take a long time to research and plan the best course, so we are similiar in that.
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Old 07-24-2021, 01:50 PM
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Oh boy... that's a hard one. I don't like thinking about myself.

I'm definitely a control freak and it does make me a great organizer and planner.

I can also be blunt like you Lorie and I do put it on the side of being honest. If people don't like it then so be it.
I am the same way. I know not everyone is going to like me, but since I am a good person and always put those I care about before myself, I figure it is their loss. At heart I am a caretaker and besides being a single mom, I spent almost 25 years caring for my mom and dad through their final illnesses and while I miss them both a great deal, I don't miss being their caregiver. For the first time, I only have myself and two dogs to look after and while I do feel a little lost from time to time, I enjoy the sense of freedom I have now.
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Old 07-24-2021, 01:51 PM
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Originally Posted by LeeAndra View Post
I am a control freak & bullheaded to a fault. Everyone who knows me knows it & either puts up with it or doesn't hang out with me.

Control freaks get things done! They also generally know what's going on & can be counted on to plan and execute things. Being bullheaded means that I go after what I want and don't fold when an obstacle crops up.
See, determined. It is a good trait! And yep, control freaks do get stuff done, so that's good too. I am sure lots of people love to hang out with you.
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Old 07-25-2021, 12:48 AM
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I've been told I'm "too positive". Does that count? I understand toxic positivity and that's not me at all. However, I've had a few co-workers say "you're just too positive all the time" or "you look on the bright side of everything, don't you?" and they don't say it in a kind manner. This is usually when they are complaining and want someone to complain with them. I validate their feelings and say I can commiserate but that I have to look at it in a different light. Honestly, I've been that negative, pessimistic, person and I was angry and bitter all the time. It really did some damage to me. I don't want to go to that place again!

My temper would be the next thing. I have a long fuse. Now that I am a more positive person, it takes a lot for me to get angry. When I do, it isn't pretty. I'm your stereotypical redhead when it comes to my temper. I've been known to scare people when I get mad. They don't expect it from me and never see it coming so when it does they are usually left with their mouths hanging open. I don't consider it a bad thing though. I can control myself and my outbursts are never inappropriate for the audience. I consider it my secret weapon sometimes and use it to get stuff done, or to get things changed, when I feel that it is important.
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Old 07-25-2021, 11:41 AM
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I've been told I'm "too positive". Does that count? I understand toxic positivity and that's not me at all. However, I've had a few co-workers say "you're just too positive all the time" or "you look on the bright side of everything, don't you?" and they don't say it in a kind manner. This is usually when they are complaining and want someone to complain with them. I validate their feelings and say I can commiserate but that I have to look at it in a different light. Honestly, I've been that negative, pessimistic, person and I was angry and bitter all the time. It really did some damage to me. I don't want to go to that place again!

My temper would be the next thing. I have a long fuse. Now that I am a more positive person, it takes a lot for me to get angry. When I do, it isn't pretty. I'm your stereotypical redhead when it comes to my temper. I've been known to scare people when I get mad. They don't expect it from me and never see it coming so when it does they are usually left with their mouths hanging open. I don't consider it a bad thing though. I can control myself and my outbursts are never inappropriate for the audience. I consider it my secret weapon sometimes and use it to get stuff done, or to get things changed, when I feel that it is important.
There are too many negative people in the world, so some of them probably think of being positive in a bad light. I do not. I honestly believe that happiness is a choice we make every day, and every day, I chose to be happy. That's not to say I never complain, because I do. But I am happy with what I have, who I love and what I do and I make sure to be thankful for all of it. To me, part of being thankful is being happy, so I just am.

Best compliment I have ever had is when a former employee told me that she learned a lot from me, but she felt the most important thing she had learned is that happiness is something we choose, and I had taught her to choose it on a daily basis, which had made her a much happier and better person. (Yes, I say it a lot! LOL)

I am not a redhead, but I have the same kind of temper, slow to burn, but a powder keg when it goes off. I think there are some who do not understand that kind, happy or positive people will only be pushed so far and then, bam!
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Old 07-25-2021, 11:51 AM
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definitely stubborn (but have got better as I've got older about that one), definitely determined.

I think I get some of those traits from my mum.....growing up when I was in and out of the public hospital system waiting for surgeries and tests etc, she was known as "that damn Canadian woman again" but she got things going...
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Old 07-25-2021, 11:00 PM
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definitely stubborn (but have got better as I've got older about that one), definitely determined.

I think I get some of those traits from my mum.....growing up when I was in and out of the public hospital system waiting for surgeries and tests etc, she was known as "that damn Canadian woman again" but she got things going...
It sounds like your mum was a wonderful advocate for you, as should be. In situations like that, being determined is the only way to be.
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