feeling like the worst mom

[misfitinmn]

Oh my, I had heard about how kids really become trying when they hit 3, and my little man is quickly approaching that mark (2 months away from his 3rd birthday) and HOOOOO BOY is he testing my patience. It doesn't help that I'm like 9 months pregnant, feeling huge and tired and REALLY low on patience. He has stalled bedtime for the past couple of weeks, but the last couple nights have been horrendous. He literally cries and finds some reason to get us to go to him for HOURS every night. We allow him to have a few toys and a book or 2 in his bed, and up until this point it has been fine - he'll play for a bit and then go to sleep without incident.

HOWEVER, now he cries if something isn't in the right spot, he says he is scared of EVERYTHING (even when you know he really isn't, really!), he needs a drink, he needs a hug from the parent who isn't standing right there (to get himself out of bed), etc etc. Bedtime is turning into a part-time job after my regular job and I am tired of it. Tonight I threatened to take away his toys if he couldn't lay down and go to sleep, and he wouldn't so I took them away. He screamed and cried and I went back in so he could apologize and I could give them back - this technique always works but it leaves me feeling just awful. I am soooo worn out.

Someone please tell me this is all normal. I'm going wacko!

[Leah]

Oh those boys....hehe

Sara honey, you are not wacko, but they all drive us to craziness. {{hugs}} Our DS is 5 and he has been pushing the limits and trying my patience and driving me crazy for 4 years now!!!

We played the bedtime game too. It got so frustrating. I can remember one night I finally had enough of holding his door shut, that I went and swapped out the handles for one with a lock! That worked for a few nights and then you know what he did....he picked the lock! He was no older than 3. Grrr!

Be firm and consistent. Put him to bed and that's the end of it. It know it feels yucky, but you aren't doing him any favors by giving in to his demands.

Wine. That's all I have to say now.

[Kenzi]

I know exactly how you fell! I have 2 boys 4 1/2 & 2 1/2 and they are constantly testing the limits and pushing my buttons. It seems to go in cycles at our house. Right now we are in a good place with bedtime, but the constant fighting and bickering during the day over toys, etc, is driving me crazy! I feel like I am yelling all the time...
Also I heard somewhere (magazine, talk show, blog, who knows...) that kids bodies change and grow about every 6 months, so they might get testy and cranky for a little bit during those growth spurts. I'm sure it's because there is so much going on with their bodies their brains just aren't reasonable I suppose lol
But you're not alone!

[rach3975]

I'm sorry he's being so trying right now! It sounds like everything he's doing is normal at that age, but that doesn't make it any easier to put up with.

What's his nap status? When a child who used to sleep well gets to the point where bedtime takes hours, it can be a sign that they're napping too long or too late in the day. My oldest was between 3 and 3.5 when I had to stop him napping because he couldn't sleep at night. My youngest is almost 2.5, and her naps have to be less than an hour and over by 1:30 otherwise she's up until 10 or 11. And if they're lying in bed for hours unable to sleep, that's when mine use all the attention-getting behaviors you're mentioning.

Good luck figuring it out!

[lovely1m]

Ugh, I know what you mean. They can be stinkers. When my kiddo was like 1, we had such issues with going to bed that I remember being absolutely worn out and how stressful bedtime and naptime was for me. I would just dread it.

[nun69]

I have the same thing with my 3 almost 4 year old....I have learned that NOT giving him a nap during the day and giving him LOTS to do to burn off energy helps TREMENDOUSLY! If not I give him a half of dose of Melatonin {...natural sleeping aid....yep bad mom here}, but he sure does sleep better and is not so sleepy the next day...he use to get up in the middle of the night and roam the house for hours and get into stuff when we were trying to sleep....and was ALWAYS tired at daycare. But if I give him the Melatonin it helps him sleep soooo much better....if he has a very busy day he goes right too sleep no issues..but he definitely is done with the nap thing!

[kristijoy]

I think not napping might be an important key. My son could never sleep at night if he had napped during the day. I did EVERYTHING I could to keep him awake in the middle of the day. Then he would completely collapse at night. We still do this.

I also found that my son did much better going to bed every night, if we had lots of cuddles & huggy time before bed. We don't watch alot of TV/videos during the day, but we do always watch something before bed and we sit and hug. That helps him feel safe when it is time for bed. Usually just about 20-30 minutes of complete snuggles. At age 3-4 they don't snuggle much during the day because they are so busy playing and we are busy getting things done, but they still need those snuggles!

[rachaelsscraps]

We had some issues a few months back with getting out 18 month old to bed. (We also have a 5 1/2 year old). So we decided on a nighttime routine and stuck to it. Now they both go to bed (at 7pm) with no problems and sleep until 6:30-7 am!
After dinner we give them a bath, then we watch 1/2 of the Goodnight Show on Sprout and they have their snack. Then we go brush teeth, do the potty routine, and get them in their jammies (if they aren't already from bath nights). We read a book and rub their backs for a few minutes (it makes them tired), give kisses, and they go to bed, in their own beds and we don't hear a peep from them until morning. When we were getting this routine set up, our daughter (the baby) cried a lot at first but I enforced the cry-it-out theory. It killed me to hear her cry but it lasted under 2 weeks. The first 2 nights she cried for an hour (killed me!!!) then the next few nights only 30-20 minutes, then the 2nd week she'd cry for 10-5 minutes, then none at all. They actually want to go to bed toward the end of the night and start to get drowsy at 6:30.
We really thought about letting our son, almost 6, stay up until 8pm since he's getting older, but our nighttime routine has been working so well, and he's been so tired at night, that we just can't imagine changing it yet. If we change his bedtime, we'll have to change the baby's since they do their routine together.
I don't know if sticking to my guns with CIO was the reason, or if we just got lucky, but ours are soo good about going to bed. *KNOCK ON WOOD!* They sleep for almost 12 hours a night, and the baby will take a 1 1/2 hour napduring the day! Our son used to too, up until he started kindergarten last fall.
Good luck, I don't know what will help a 3 year old get to sleep, but you can always try to change his routine and see what happens..

[misfitinmn]

Thanks ladies! I think he still needs his nap - he didn't nap at all this weekend and did the same thing, except he was WAY crabbier during the day with a lot more meltdowns. Plus I am so not ready for him to be done with naps, not right before I have a baby!! Selfish mommy.

I did have to do CIO when he was almost a year old, and I thought I had gotten him squared away as he has done SO well since then. Now he's just making me crazy. I am praying to the good lord that by the time my second boy is this age, Ben will be FAR FAR away from this stage of his life because I know I cannot handle two kids that act like this at the same time!

[kscwgirl]

Originally Posted by rach3975

I'm sorry he's being so trying right now! It sounds like everything he's doing is normal at that age, but that doesn't make it any easier to put up with.

What's his nap status? When a child who used to sleep well gets to the point where bedtime takes hours, it can be a sign that they're napping too long or too late in the day. My oldest was between 3 and 3.5 when I had to stop him napping because he couldn't sleep at night. My youngest is almost 2.5, and her naps have to be less than an hour and over by 1:30 otherwise she's up until 10 or 11. And if they're lying in bed for hours unable to sleep, that's when mine use all the attention-getting behaviors you're mentioning.

Good luck figuring it out!

Ugh Sara I feel ya. My 5 yr old makes me BATTY at bedtime. His issue is naps.. and I KNOW for sure it's naps b/c on friday, saturday, sunday he doesn't nap and that boy is out by 8:30. Monday - Thursday.. heaven help us. He's up till 11 pm or later and I want to cry. He has to nap at daycare for now but they are ending that this summer since he starts Kindy in the fall.

[newfiemountiewife]

The big problem for us was the naps also. Amelia, our middle child, still had naps up til 3.5 years, but she needs more sleep than the other two. Benjamin and Rachael gave up theirs before they were 2 years old. Sigh. If I didn't do it, they would be up bouncing off the walls all night! And I need my me time! LOL

I had 3 kids in 4 years, and let me tell you, giving up the naps was horrible for ME, but they slept better at night, which I was thankful for. We had a strict routine, and we kind of still do, even though they are 10, 8 and 6 now.

[rach3975]

Originally Posted by misfitinmn

Thanks ladies! I think he still needs his nap - he didn't nap at all this weekend and did the same thing, except he was WAY crabbier during the day with a lot more meltdowns. Plus I am so not ready for him to be done with naps, not right before I have a baby!! Selfish mommy.

I hear you! But you may want to try playing with the timing or length of his nap. That way you still get a break mid day, but maybe he'll go down more easily at night. They can take a while to adjust, so if you decide to change something, stick with it for at least a week to see if it makes a difference.

[mariewilcox]

My DD went through the same thing right around 3.5 years. For her it was naps also. She was in daycare a few times a week and I told the daycare provider that she wasn't to nap for more than 20 minutes. She would fall asleep after lunch at the appointed time and they would wake her up after 20 minutes and she would play quietly in an opposite corner or read books, etc. What a difference that made! I could always tell if they forgot to wake her up after 20 minutes because she'd be up until 10/11 that night. I hear you about not wanting to give up nap time - maybe shortening the time and making sure it's earlier in the afternoon? Now that the weather is warmer lots of outside time running around in the late afternoon might help too Good luck!

[livelys]

Totally normal Sara - and so is being ticked off about it!

Alex was the same, and I ended up just having to go into almost a impersonal mode: yes you have to go to bed, not you can't stay up. Good Night - and then walk out. Its really tough (especially when your tired) but once they know you wouldn't give in it really will work.

Caving into them is the problem, 'cos its soooo easy to do particularly if they're being extra cute, but they will take total advantage if you relent, even at 3! Oh and another problem are DH's who don't stick to your careful plans & tactics, so you get the 'Daddy said I could' lines thrown at you - so you have to train the grown ups too.

[cardinalskate]

Originally Posted by livelys

Totally normal Sara - and so is being ticked off about it!

I agree with this statement so much!! I can't help but get ticked of when my DD does this as well. I know what you mean about feeling like a bad Mom, but I get so frustrated and have to let her cry it out. My heart breaks when she's crying and crying, but when she goes through these stages, the CIO nights usually only last a couple days (fingers crossed). They just want to push their boundaries so much and asking for hugs and saying their scared and those kind of tactics are just to get attention and I have to tell myself that. These kiddos are smart! They're trying to manipulate your feelings to delay bedtime

Hang in there. As far as naps, my DD is about the same age as your DS and she definitely still needs her naps. Bedtime is WORST when she doesn't have her naps because, for my kid at least, when she's TOO tired at night, that's when she doesn't sleep.

[nikkiARNGwife]

I'm a mean mama lol..but my advice would be not to entertain his acting out..put him in the bed, tell him it's time to go to sleep and leave him there. If he gets up..take him back to bed and leave him there...I learned with DS at around that same age is that the more I interacted with him the worse he got. So one night I nipped it in the bud..and he tried me for sure..he got out of bed probably 20 times that first night but I never said a word to him and although I was frustrated I didn't let him see it..I just kept taking him back and putting him in the bed and he finally fell asleep and slept all night. The next night it was a little better and by night 3 he didn't even try it and I've not had one bit of trouble with him since then (will be 6 next week). At this point all I have to do is tell him it's bedtime and he goes and does his bathroom routine and goes to bed on his own. He is allowed to read a book for a while, or on the weekends we let him play his DSi for about half an hour and then it's lights out.

DD is 2 and still in her crib (with a crib tent) but from the get go with her I've always stuck to her routine and put her to bed awake. With her though she LOVES her bed..she literally comes and gets me when it's naptime and bedtime..that's how into her routine she is lol I'm sure when we move her to a toddler bed we'll have an adjustment period but I plan on sticking to my guns with her too.

I'm serious about bedtime

[eranslow]

You aren't a bad mom Sara! As you can see we all go thru this at some point (or multiple points!) One thing that we've done is put a gate up at the door of my son's room. He figured out how to climb out of his crib around 2.5yrs and we got freaked out a few times when he would walk into our room in the middle of the night. So once we switched to the toddler bed we decided to add the gate to keep him contained to his room at night. That helped us a bit with the getting up at night. We also did what Nikki did - didn't speak to him and just put him back to bed.

As for naps - once ds started climbing he quit taking naps. But there was no way I wasn't going to get my 1-2 hr quiet time in the afternoon! lol So everyday he plays in his room for quiet time. We would close the gate to keep him in his room (we just stopped using the gate) and he has a blast playing and reading his books. Once he quit taking naps we adjusted his bedtime a little bit. Before he would go to bed at 8:30 - now it's around 8 pm. And he sleeps until 8 or later (which I LOVE!!)

But anyways - that's my 2 cents! Don't feel bad and just stick to your guns! You'll get thru this phase!!

[Susan Bartolini]

You aren't bad at all. We all go through this. My solution now....I take their little butts to the swimming pool in the late afternoon (around 3/4 pm). They swim for about an hour and are EXHAUSTED when they get home. They have dinner, bath, 30 minute show on Nick or Sprout and then they are out. My 7 year old son still tries to creep downstairs and I am thinking of letting him stay up a little longer since he is older....but generally wearing their butts out seems to do the trick. If you don't have a pool to go to...how about going to the park and letting him run buck wild....or even play in the backyard....something to get out that last burst of nighttime energy.

[MommaTrish]

((walks into the hallway to look at the baby gate I had to put up in Belly's doorway last night since her doorknob won't latch properly and it took her 5 minutes to figure that out))

I think the only one of my kids that I've never had bedtime troubles with was Ryan when he was little... but that was only because he would go and sneak into Zach's bed and sleep with him. When Zach was Ben's age bedtime with him was a nightmare. He'd scream, throw things, get out of bed and try to leave his room, if there was anything he could find in his room to make a mess with - he would make a mess with it while throwing his fit. ((shudders at the memory of the bottle of bubble stuff he opened and dumped on the floor, the baby powder he dumped on Ryan in his crib, the bottom medicine he rubbed on the walls... I could go on and on)) NOTHING worked at all. We eventually pushed Ryan's bedtime back until whenever Zach would finally fall asleep and remove EVERYTHING but the neds from the room and turned his doorknob around and would lock his door until he fell asleep. It was like that until he finally just stopped one day.

[WalkersMommy]

My son turned 3 in January and does the exact same thing at bedtime. You are by NO means a horrible mom, I think from the sound of it, you're doing a great job. I completely understand how trying and exhausting it is. I wish I had some advice for you lol, but all I have is sympathy and (((hugs))).

[coopert]

You are not a bad mom at all. I remember going through the exact same thing at that same age. Up until three my son wanted the door closed with out a night light. They are becoming aware, and I believe they are really afraid of things. I got two nightlights for his room, and made "go away monster spray" in a spray bottle that I drew monsters with X's over them. We would spray it before he went to bed. It was still hard for him and us as well at times. But we tried to be firm, especially because we were doing everything we could to help get rid of the fears.