Memory Loss Memory Keeping

[missmarcy]

Hi ladies.
Pardon me while I partially vent, partially mourn, partially rant here.

I'm going through trying to organize some of my older projects. Like multiple years of project life, for example. And organizing photos thinking maybe I will slowly work on it. But then I get to the photos. And just looking at the photos, I can't help but cry. And cry.

I don't remember almost any of these moments that I captured. All these sweet little smiles and moments. What did my son do that made me snap a photo that I thought I'd remember forever? What was the story behind that picture my daughter drew?

The last few years have just been a whirlwind and I have been under so much stress and stretched so far thin, and I wasn't taking notes, and so many times I just snapped a photo thinking "I'll remember later" because for my whole life that is how my mind has worked, I see a picture and remember every detail about that whole day.

Except my mind hasn't been in that healthy state now for years. The last year being my youngest son's first year. I don't remember most of it. I am. So. So. Heartbroken. And angry. Angry with my children's fathers (my 4 girls have one father, my 2 boys have another) for not helping me and making me do it all on my own and causing the stress that caused my memory issues.

I guess I can just fill in the missing weeks/days of the PL album with photos, and ask my kids if they remember certain things, because they probably do. And go back to social media and see what I posted about. All those things will be better than nothing. But none of those will take away the fact that I don't have memories attached to these pictures.

Has anyone ever gone through this? Have the memories ever returned? It's my short term memory that isn't functioning properly, so I don't think they ever will. How did you get yourself to document the memories you no longer had, or did you even bother?

This has, however, caused me to take so much more seriously the fleeting moments and I may become obsessed with writing down our days. And teach my children when they are older about taking care of their mind. Ugh. Praying I can do better going forward, and forgive myself for what I didn't know before.