Sweet Shoppe Designs

i didn't know if i wanted to scrap this... but i did.

my journaling:
it’s been a long journey to get
where we are today. You’ve hurt
me more times than I care to
keep track of. I ask myself a lot, why
am I still here? Why am I potentially subjecting
myself to another future heartbreak? I want
to think that things will get better. I want to
think that if I give you my heart again that it
will never be crushed again. I never wanted a
man to hold such a strong piece of me and break
it, let alone a 2nd and 3rd time. I am a victim
of opportunity more times than I should have been.
I am here now because of the lack of resources
on my part to break away from the hurt you
have caused me. Nothing will ever erase what
you have done, what you have said, or the way
you have behaved. Because God has given me the
strength to stay here I feel that we may just
have this one last
chance to make it
work. Granted, it
was not lack of
work on my part
that caused these
indiscretions to
occur, but more your selfishness and lack of
responsibility for your marriage and your family.
As the bigger person, I am forgiving you, not
forgetting, but I have decided that I don’t want
to be angry anymore. I want our family to work,
and before God this is my last wave of effort
to have my children come from a strong and
stable family. One they can be proud of.
I don’t want my girls to think of me
as weak for sticking around, but I
want them to see what a fighter
I am for their family. I want them
to see that I was their daddy’s best
friend, and despite his poor choices,
I am wise enough to realize there is many more
years to come, and if my efforts are successful
there will be no break in family. There will be
a more close knit and loving, strong as can be
family. If my efforts fail, I will not think of
myself as a failure, but a woman strong enough
to know that some things are just meant to be.
God will be with me and my kids. I do love my
husband, he is and has been always, my best friend.