Sweet Shoppe Designs

3s a Charm by Scrapping With Liz
One Tough Chick by Traci Reed & Jenn Barrette
DJB I Love Me Some Brook by Darcy Baldwin
Stitched alpha by Zoe Pearn
Big Stamp alpha by Jenn Barrette

Journaling reads:
Someone commented to me not so very long ago that I was very lucky I was able to breastfeed my boys as successfully and as long as I did. And it’s true - I WAS lucky that I was able to breastfeed. I was lucky I had a good milk supply and an amazing support system, and lucky that I worked with a whole bunch of people who knew everything there is to know about making breastfeeding work and who acted as my personal cheerleaders. But, I wasn’t entirely just lucky. It didn’t come easily to me, breastfeeding. I worked my ass off, quite honestly. These were the times that everyone didn’t see in those early months. I have always been very honest about the fact that becoming a mother for the first time took a toll on me emotionally and mentally. I won’t lie when I say that I spent a lot of time crying and apologizing to my sweet baby boy for having me as a mother. It was a rough, rough time and I’ll be the first to admit it. Some of it was hormones but a lot of it was breastfeeding related. I didn’t have the usual concerns with sore nipples and no milk supply...oh, no. I had way way too much milk, enough milk to feed an army of babies. I was engorged for WEEKS. It was painful and I was afraid to pump for fear of making it worse. I had to pump to relieve the pressure so Ben could even latch on. And of course, then there was the issue of my milk let-down. It was a painful, tingling feeling and my milk really did eject...forcefully. It came out in a spray, making Ben gag and choke. So I’d have to unlatch him and let it spray until it slowed enough for him to eat, and of course he would be crying the entire time because he was hungry. And I was exhuasted and stressed and crying all the damn time. But we weren’t through our challenges yet. Next, because my milk supply was so great and the engorgement was happening all the time, Ben was getting too much foremilk and this was causing him a great deal of gastrointestinal distress - gassiness and fussiness and green poops and the whole nine yards. So I had to learn how to feed him to be sure he could get enough of that fatty hindmilk, block feeding which didn’t help the engorgement at all for a long while. And naturally, that couldn’t be the end of things. After all that, he developed a bit of milk protein intolerance so I had to quit dairy for about 6 months. It was SO HARD, I love my milk and cheese and all things dairy. But it was worth it to me, to keep on this journey that I had already worked so hard to make a reality. Breastfeeding didn’t feel natural to me until Ben was about 4 months old. There were a lot of dark days where I wondered if time was even passing, if I would ever feel like I was meant to do this parenting thing or if maybe I had made a mistake in thinking I could be a suitable mother. In the end, I grew to love breastfeeding and I easily forgot about those dark early days when I was stressed and depressed. But it wasn’t all luck. I worked hard at it, I almost caved a few times and Jon had to talk me off the ledge several times. I think there is this image out there that paints the whole experience of breastfeeding and parenting as a fairytale..but it’s not. It has it’s moments to be sure, but it’s not always rainbows & unicorns. At least not for me. But being a stubborn person worked out for me and I learned so many lessons about myself and life in general thought this journey. I was able to breastfeed Ben until he was 14 months old and decided to stop on his own, and Matthew until he was 13 months and stopped on his own. It was easier the second time around but maybe that was because I was older & wiser. I’m glad I stuck to my guns, though. I learned so very much about my own strength and especially about believing in myself and my ability to do the things that I set my mind to.