Sweet Shoppe Designs

Credits: Layered template (In The News 3) by Bree Clarkson, Extreme Extras Alpha Brushes by Shawna Clingerman and Lauren Grier and Hope Springs Eternal by Heather Roselli and Amy Bleser. Fonts are DJB Erika by Darcy Baldwin and DymoFontInverse.
Journalling reads: I’m not afraid to admit that there are some things I am scared of in life, like spiders and heights. I take the point of view that everyone is afraid of something and these just happen to be my weaknesses. There are the superficial things, like worrying I will look fat in photos or my butt will look big in something. I shove those into the category called stupid ego! They aren’t really a problem since I hardly ever go out of the house anymore. But when we do I just choose something I think is flattering and try and ignore the little voice in my head telling me people are looking at me! I will willingly admit that I have a fear of death, I worry all the time about losing someone else that I love. I really don’t know how I would cope if I lost someone else that I care about, but it’s unavoidable.I worry Mark getting hurt while he is out on the bike. I worry that Nan will fall over and break another bone.I worry that Lukas will get hurt in one way or another while he is at school. I worry that something will happen to them that I can’t stop. But I accept those fears too. As a wife and a mother and a great grand daughter I feel that it’s part of the job description to worry about those that I love. I mean what kind of person would I be if these were not things that I was afraid of? But there are other things I am afraid of, things that I am almost ashamed to admit to. Things like being scared of failing as a mother. No-one can help me with that, all I can is keep my fingers crossed and do my best and hope that it’s enough. I am scared of things that have no reason, and things that I can’t control. I like to be the one in control and knowing that some things happen just because, scares me. Things like cancer, miscarriages, losing Leo. I like there to be a reason I can understand about why things happen, and neither Karma, Fate, Unfortunate Circumstances, God or just one of those things is enough of an answer for me. Maybe one day it might be but for now it’s just a battle I fight with myself. But the biggest fear I have is also my biggest secret. I have never confessed it to anyone before because I am scared they would laugh. I am scared of the bathroom. When I was a kid I saw a creature in the toilets at school. They called exterminators in, but we never knew exactly what it was. Ever since then whenever I use the toilet I open the lid and peer inside first. Then I close the lid when I am done just incase. I know it’s childish but I can’t help it. The thing that really scares me in there is the bath though. When I was pregnant the doctors advice was for me not to be left alone in the bathroom, due to the frequent fits and blackouts. Mark is still of the opinion that is why I ask him to sit with me when I have a bath, it isn’t. It’s because that’s where Leo went blue and floppy. I can’t go in there and see the bath without remembering that day. I see it over and over in my head, and everytime it’s accompanied by the question, could I have done something different and saved him? I know that there is probably no answer to that question that will satisfy me. I also know there’s no real reason to be afraid and yet I still am.