Sweet Shoppe Designs

I really had to think hard about this one. I’m not sure I have any personal demons so to speak. Unless you count having high standards I guess. It doesn’t sound like much does it? But when I was a medic in the Army, (especially as a Corporal and later as a Sergeant), my attention to detail, and personal drive to see that things were done to the highest standard often wore me right out. When you’re in charge of things, you have to make sure they get done properly, and quite often it was simply a case of having to do it yourself. Sometimes it was because I just didn’t have enough medics to delegate jobs to, and other times it was because I felt those under my supervision just didn’t perform as well as I needed them to. So I would do the job myself. I knew I was appreciated in my work. I got good reports and had the respect of my colleagues - and in return, I would work my fingers to the bone so I wouldn’t let them down. But my hardest critic was myself.During one particularly busy period at work, I was Course Manager for aMedical Course, while also running the medical unit I was attached to. I would instruct and oversee the course during the day, then spend half of the night doing the administration that was required for the next day. I was so busy doing 16-18 hour days, that I simply forgot to eat. I didn’t have time. After a couple of days, I felt hungry, and would go to eat, but the mere smell of food would make me nauseous, and I honestly couldn’t take a bite. I was a medic. I knew I had to eat. I just couldn’t. I eventually forced myself to have a bite of something now and then, and gradually got an appetite back, but even then, it was mainly because I knew I also couldn’t afford to get sick. No-one else was there to take over from me. After a few weeks, things slowed down a little, but for my entire posting to that unit (4 and a half years), I worked harder than I’ve ever worked in my life. My personal demon of high standards and perfectionism wore me out in the end, and I felt burnt out. I was more than happy to accept a posting to the medical school as an instructor, where I was still burning the midnight oil occasionally, but in a less frantic manner.I can’t say that I ever conquored my demon. I left the Army after 15 years to have a family, and civilian life is by nature a lot more relaxed, but I can see it creeping back in now and then when I put my hand up to do a job for Playcentre or Church. I stress myself out that I’m not doing a good enough job, when I know perfectly well I’m already doing it to a higher standard than is necessary. I still don’t delegate well. I’d rather do the job myself so I know it gets done properly, but at least it’s not making me sick again. Yet.

Rugged by Kristin Cronin-Barrow
Journal Strips from Atomic Amber by Micheline Martin (SSD New Release 5/31)
Century Gothic font