JUNE 23 SUGAR FREE CHALLENGE AT SSD
Shabby Baby 2 Scoops by Misty Cato and Krystal Hartley at SSD
DJB Fonts: Scripty Goodness by Darcy Baldwin at SSD
Journaling
The road to being parents was certainly not as easy for us as it may be for other couples.
We started trying soon after we got married and after losing one baby and then going through
three years of unexplained infertility, and 3 failed IUI's, we finally were blessed with our
sweet baby boy Avery. So when we started trying again for baby number 2, I wasn't at all
surprised when month after month went by and I wasn't pregnant. But, after going through
the emotional roller-coaster with our first pregnancy, I was determined the second time
around to leave it all in God's hands and let what may be, be. When we reached 2 years of
trying and not succeeding, I was sad, disappointed and all the other emotions that go along
with infertility, but this time I wasn't as devastated. We were blessed with Avery in our
lives when we had once thought we'd never have any children, and if he was all we were meant
to have then I was okay with it. At that point we were also facing our 2nd deployment, so the
idea of being pregnant really got pushed to the back of my mind. I certainly didn't want to
face a pregnancy all alone. Little did I know that was exactly what was going to happen. Four
weeks before Brian was to leave, I literally got the shock of my life, and although I was
very happy, I also had really mixed emotions..the biggest one being stark fear and I spent
many sleepless nights those first few weeks, sobbing because I just felt like that wasn't the
way it was supposed to happen. But my little bean was growing inside of me and all I could
do was deal with the fact that Brian would be gone and my entire pregnancy I would be alone.
It was hard. SO hard. Probably the hardest thing I'll ever face
in this life. What should have been 9 months full of happiness
and expectation was instead, filled mostly with anxiety. I was
constantly worried that something would happen, especially at
night. Avery had been born 5 weeks premature, so I was always
thinking of that in the back of my mind. Then as the end got closer
I worried daily that I would go into labor before Brian could
get here, and on top of it all, I had to take care of Avery which
became more and more difficult the bigger I grew. I think my
relief when Ella was finally born was much more than what most
women typically feel and I still feel guilty for that at times.
My pregnancy with her was just not what I had hoped.
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