Sweet Shoppe Designs

Thanks for this challenge, it really gave me a push to get this story documented, and it's something I wanted -needed- to get down on paper.

Credits:
Dani Mogstad’s Crazy Love kit- Flowers, crazy for you and lovesick labels, paint squiggle, glitter swirl, heart brad, sequined heart and angel wings
Word Art: Katie Pertiet
Paper – Victoria Feemster’s Messy Boy kit
Overlay – Jen Wilson
Beads- Gina Miller blog freebie
Font: Serafina

ournaling:
Weird title for a scrapbook page with my favorite wedding picture on it, right? I think you know how happy I was the day I married you (and it shows just a little in the picture, right?) It was my dream come true, and It was hard to imagine then that a mere three weeks later, my soul would feel like it was being torn in two. After our civil wedding in April and the sad goodbye a mere few weeks after the wedding, it wore on me.
Not just not being with you, but explaining over and over how yes, I was married, and yes, we lived in separate countries., and when would you be able to come to the US. (A question I would have liked to know the answer to, as well) But after our church wedding in July, and saying goodbye to my other half yet again, for what felt like the millionth time in the 4 years I had known you . . . well it was hard to come back to my empty apartment in Peoria, without you there with me, without your hugs, your eyes to gaze into, without you at my side to enjoy the everyday married life I'd been waiting so long to share with you. When we decided to go ahead with the wedding before your visa situation was worked out or the 5-year removal was even up, I knew we wouldn't be able to stay together after the wedding. Truthfully though, I thought it would feel the same as before, which was never fun, but after doing it so many times, I figured I would be able to handle it. But whoa! this goodbye, this return back to my "single" life, was definitely different. It felt unreal, I was in a daze, living a nightmare. We already knew I would move to Mexico in February, but those eight months stretched out in front of me with no end in sight, it being only the end of July. All I could think was "this is not how it is supposed to happen". I mean we had just heard the priest say "What God has joined let no man separate", right? Yet there we were, over 2000 miles apart. I knew God's promise "I know the plans I have for you, plans for good and not evil" I even had a little frame on my desk at work to remind me of that when needed (which was often). But I railed against the whole situation, I asked God why over and over, I cried so many tears I wondered how I could have any left, but of course they'd show up again at the most unconvenient times, like at family dinners where you should have been, or at work when a well-meaning person would ask when you were going to be able to move here. I was unable to see how lucky I was to even have you as my husband, and that this was a just short-term hurdle we needed to get through. We'd been apart so much more than we'd been together that it just felt like this never-ending cycle was ever going to end. So I pushed myself into a deeper depression, and within 3 weeks of being back in my empty apartment in Peoria, I couldn't deny it- the whole immigration thing, the separation, the stress it was putting on our relationship, the worries about how we'd make it financially when I moved to Mexico, just everything - it was just overwhelming. But most of all, I just missed you so terribly. I wasn't whole without you, I was empty. Truthfully even to this day, when I think about that time, tears come to my eyes. There were many days I was at the point of quitting CAT right then and there and moving to Mexico the next day. It's true though that when we think we can't go on, God carries us. I felt His arms and Love surrounding me, always strong enough to cut through the sadness and give me hope and outlets for my sadness. You know how? Your love and support that you and my family and friends continually showed me through that time. That, and God's grace, always His amazing grace. When it comes down to it though now, almost five years afterwards, I am glad, I am thankful. Everything we had to go through in our relationship to be together has made me a much stronger person, made me see exactly the strength I had inside of me, the strength that God gives me every day. If I made it through that, I can make it through anything. And most of all, however sad they were, I appreciate the memories I have of that time, because, even today nearly 5 years later, it reminds me every day to love you more, to cherish the time we have together, to appreciate the gift God has given us in each other. Because when you're not here, I am definitely not me. Cheesy as it sounds, you complete me, baby. I adore you and love you with all my heart.