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TheDecision
The Decision




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~*Liz*~




Sweets

Registered: July 2008
Location: Ohio
Posts: 267
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Lace from Summer Cottage - Melissa Bennett
Cream Paper from Sunny Daze - Mari Koegelenberg

Everything else from the kit - Wildflower by Kristin Cronin-Barrow
https://www.sweetshoppedesigns.com/s...t=0&page=4
Journaling reads:

September 5th 2007, it's a day that will
never be forgotten. It's the day I made the
decision that changed the lives of so very
many, and left me with a memory that I wish
I could wash away from my mind, burn to ashes and
forget forever. But I can't- so It haunts me. Not every
single day, but more of my life than I care to truly admit.

It all started the last week of August 2007- The feeling
set in, and I just KNEW life was coming to an end for my
mother. She was busy doing her last goodbyes, preparing
everyone in subtle ways- and telling my
brothers and sisters all that she wanted
to in the short time she had left.
No one seemed to take notice to what
was really happening though, and I didn't
have the heart to sit down and just ask her.

So I silently tried to prepare myself mentally
I talked to Joe, I tried to shake the feeling
tried to ignore my instincts. When she stopped to take the kids and me out for breakfast, I made an excuse not to go. I didn't
want to hear it, I thought if I didn't let her say goodbye to ME, then it couldn't happen. I kept my distance, I found other
things to occupy my time and mind. I just couldn't bring myself to go with my gut and let her let go. Sure she had been sick
for years, but she always fought it, always bounced back- Why not this time- Why not now. That was what I told myself. I Lied.

September 3rd came. Early that morning my sisters knocked on my door, said mom's sugar was acting up and that they needed me.
Dad was sick, and couldn't take her to the hospital- But she needed to go, so me and Joe got her in the van and made the trip.
She wasn't talking, but it didn't seem like any other time we had taken her for her sugar- Except that feeling. It was strong.

I took her inside, they loaded her in the trauma room and prepped her for a central line. Blood pressure was 50/30 and sugar
was over 1800. The doctor looked at me and asked me to leave the room so they could get a line in- so I waited outside the
closed door. And I waited. Code Blue and my heart stopped. She was leaving- I could feel it all around me. I called my dad,
told him he NEEDED to be there NOW. When the doctor came out, I said I already know- but don't stop. My dad is on his way
and if he comes, and you are not trying, it will kill him too. I don't care if it's hopeless- DON'T STOP! PLEASE!

The longest 15 minutes in my life, I didn't even walk in the room- I stood outside waiting for my dad. When he got there
all I could say was that I was pretty sure this was it, and to prepare for the worst. I stood by his side and walked in the
room. 20 minutes had passed since she coded, no pulse, no breath, no life. And he whispered in her ear "Please don't leave"
He grabbed her hand, and there was a heart beat. She only needed to have a reason - something to hold onto.

She was put on life support that evening, the time down was too much and
she couldn't do it on her own. That night, I had a vision, a visit, my mom.
We argued- for our last conversation we argued, because she said to let go.

The next morning the brain scan showed only a tiny flicker. We were told she
would be a vegetable more than likely if she recovered, and I- ME- I told my
dad to sign the papers and let her go. She had done the same with her mom a
few years prior and told me- If ever I had to- NOT to stay in the room with
her. She made me promise. I broke it. After everyone said
their goodbyes, I stayed behind and held her hand. I
should have listened, my last memory, last sight
Haunts me

This Day- I can't take back. This day never leaves.
What's done is done and it can't be changed. It's only human to
think what if. I just wish that I could stop thinking about these.



Fonts used are Flemish Script and Trixie Plain

Using the directions :
Forward -Inward - Twisting - Armstand -
· Date: Fri August 3, 2012 · Views: 940
·
Additional Info
Additional Categories: Kristin Cronin-Barrow

Author
Thread  
joelsgirl

Sweetsaholic

Registered: May 2007
Location: Davao City, Philippines
Posts: 18,626
Fri August 3, 2012 8:43pm

Your page is just stunning, and your journaling is so well worded. It conveys what a difficult decision you had to make, but it was the right one. I hope this page was therapeutic for you.
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SarahMD

Sugar Cookie

Registered: February 2007
Location: Eaton, OH
Posts: 333
Sat August 4, 2012 6:04am

Wow. I hope you don't mind, I don't think you do cause you put it in the description too, but I read your journaling in its entirety. You are very strong - don't let it haunt you! I wish more than anything in the world I could've been there for my mom when she passed. I had gotten my little sister (who was 12 at the time - she's now going to be 20) for the weekend after I got my first apartment with my husband and first daughter. She spent the weekend with me. She passed that weekend alone at home. I wish I could've been there - for her to not have gone alone. You gave your mom that, and yourself that knowledge that she didn't go alone. She had you there to help her. Thank you for sharing your experience. I'm terribly sorry that is the last memory you have of your mom. Outside of a funeral all I have is my mom telling me not to purchase ringtones and games on the phone she had just got me, lol. Again, thank you for sharing - and your layout is absolutely gorgeous!
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dana

Sweet Talker

Registered: October 2007
Posts: 4,025
Sat August 4, 2012 7:05am

oh this is just such a touching page - your journaling is so heart wrenching! i am sorry for your loss, and so sorry that you had to go through that. for what it's worth, i do think you did the right thing, although that doesn't make it any easier. thanks so much for sharing this page - just beautiful and so real.
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winipeg1

Sweets

Registered: December 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 286
Sat August 4, 2012 7:25am

Oh my, your story here is so heart touching. Hope it helped to get it on paper, don't feel guilty for staying with your mon till the end, we do things we need to do in that moment and this must have been something you felt that you needed to do. On a scrapbooking note, your clustering in the corners are beautiful
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pomi

Jabber-Jawbreaker

Registered: October 2007
Location: Czech Rep.
Posts: 7,119
Sat August 4, 2012 7:26am

I'm sorry you had to go through this all. Your page is amazing. Gorgeous clustering and everything and your journalling is so touching.
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chastml

Sweet Talker

Registered: November 2007
Posts: 2,268
Sat August 4, 2012 7:33am

Oh, this is so sad, but so beautiful. I can't imagine what I would've done had I been in your place, but I can imagine how much it still hurts based on your words. I'm sorry for your loss and I hope you'll one day not be haunted by this memory.
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adrianka

Jabber-Jawbreaker

Registered: October 2009
Location: Luxembourg
Posts: 8,711
Sat August 4, 2012 7:45am

The page is beautiful for sure, and the journalling... the journalling is so sincere and heartwrenching. *hugs*
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nun69

Sweetsaholic

Registered: January 2008
Location: Roanoke, VA
Posts: 17,747
Sat August 4, 2012 7:50am

I'm very sorry that is the last memory you have of your mom, but I am sure that she was glad you were there even though she couldn't express it~
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mamatothree

Sweetness

Registered: July 2012
Location: Utah
Posts: 158
Sat August 4, 2012 8:08am

This is a beautiful page. I think you have a wonderful talent with writing because I could feel your emotion and your pain. Excellent job!
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ayaandjudah

Sweet Talker

Registered: May 2008
Posts: 2,474
Sat August 4, 2012 8:18am

I'm sitting here with tears streaming down my face. This is simply amazing and so touching. HUGS
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shades of bliss

Sugar Rush

Registered: June 2008
Posts: 334
Sat August 4, 2012 12:24pm

Wow. I really have to applaud you for having the bravery to make this page. Such an amazing piece of art in every way!
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marlathrall

Jabber-Jawbreaker

Registered: May 2011
Posts: 6,861
Sat August 4, 2012 12:47pm

(Hugs) What a touching page. It's beautiful and so raw.
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chloe

Sweet Talker

Registered: December 2007
Posts: 2,723
Sat August 4, 2012 3:54pm

Such an incredible, emotional LO. I have tears in my eyes now. Thanks so much for sharing!
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tanyiadeskins

Jabber-Jawbreaker

Registered: December 2008
Location: Orlando, Florida
Posts: 5,750
Sun August 5, 2012 12:59am

This is absolutely beautiful and such a touching and sad story. I can see how this would haunt you.. though logically I am sure you know it shouldn't, feeling and our heart do not care about logic. I am so sorry (((hugs)))
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Jen22

Sweet Talker

Registered: January 2009
Location: Finally Back Home! The 'Coove, WA :D
Posts: 2,006
Sun August 5, 2012 3:08am

I have no words! All I can think to say is hugs and I'm so sorry for everything you're feeling. Your journaling was so moving, so sad! I'm just so sorry
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