I really need advice on a situation

OK not sure if you remember I posted about my nephew finding my sister but anyhow he is flying down here tomorrow and my sister is really mad about me wanting to see him now. She says it should be about him and her getting reaqquainted but my nephew asked me to come and to bring my husband and kids. Well my sister just called screaming and yelling at me telling me I better not come to the airport because it is her time with him and I do not belong there. Well he asked me to come!! Im not inviting myself here. I am so angry at her. She is such a drama-queen and Im sick of it. I really only talk to her because she has my neice and if I dont do everything her way then she tells me I cannot see or talk to my neice. Now it seems after what less then a month she is playing the same fricking games with him as well. He is 22 almost 23 years old. Shouldn't this be a happy time for everyone? I mean I am on the verge of tears because of her right now. I would not have stayed long because I have to get my son off the bus shortly after he got here but my sister is saying if I come to the airport she is going to just walk away.

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I think, *if I were your sister* I would want to meet my son by myself and get reacquainted too. I'm sorry she's being a drama queen but I'd respect her wishes. Perhaps you can see him later in the visit?

Well, I do understand both sides.. tricky situation! But I think the first meeting should be indeed just her and her son?

I understand both sides, but I am with Traci on this one~ I kinda had this same situation with my brother and sister {they were both adopted before I was born} and what happened was my brother went looking for my sister and in the process found my grandparents...he actually contacted and met them first and then kinda met the rest of us slowly...it worked out good, but it was nice for my grandparents to meet him first {since they made my mom give him up because she was ony 16}....so I think that you should respect her wishes {just for now} and then maybe make time for your family to meet with him one on one~just my 2 cents~

Yea I totally understand it being just her and him. I was fine with that until he messaged both me and my daughter and said he would really like us to be there as well. I was not planning on going but then I told him I would because he said he wanted us to come. Then she called here screaming at me. So Im really not sure what to tell him since I told him I would come

I just messaged him and told him that I think it is going to cause to many issues and I will come see him another time alone. Since he does not have transportation and we are totally broke its going to be really hard. My husband has an MRI scheduled like two miles from the airport so I figured it would work out nice because we would not have to spend alot of money to drive to her house since she lives like 50 or so miles from where I live (actually takes like and hour and a half to get there because of traffic.) Im honestly not even sure we will have the money to drive up there so Im kinda upset about this. Oh and he deploys to Iraq in just a little over a month

I have to agree with your sister. This meeting should be about him and her. Now, I realize HE invited you, but you could politely decline or arrange something for later in the day where everyone can be present. I assume if he's flying down he'll be here for more than a day or two.

I haven't seen or spoken to my younger brother in 20 years. I don't even know where he lives or if he's even alive for that matter. IF I ever find him, if I get to meet him, I'd really want it to be just me and him (and maybe our older brother). I wouldn't want to overwhelm him with my husband, my kids, my niece, our father (ok, he'd not show up), his grandmother. I'd want to keep him to myself for a while. It seems selfish I know, but it's how I'd feel.

I don't think I would've told the nephew that it's going to cause issues and that's why you are not going to go after all. I think that's just causing more harm than good.

If he's going to be visiting for a few days, i would do my best to go and see him during his visit, but I agree with your sister, that I would want that first visit alone with him. I cannot even imagine the emotions you all are going through.

Good luck

Yea he already knows about those issues because like I said my sister is a drama queen and she has been lying to him about what is being said between me and her and her and my other sister. I know this because he messaged me saying I had said something I did not and I had to talk to him for like half an hour to let him know I never said it because he was upset about it.

She actually told him that I said something my other sister said to her. Not sure why she did that either. Its like she wants to keep him all to herself.

The other thing Im worried about is if she keeps lying to him about the rest of the family he might decide to not have a relationship with all of us. My sister has been diagnosed as being manic/depressive and is supposed to be on medication. She lies ALOT. She is really vindictive and when she is angry at someone she tries to hurt them. Like when she was going through a divorce she asked me to go into court and say her ex had abused MY daughter. I told her she was insane and I would never do that unless it was true!! She started crying and told me I obviously do not care about her or my niece.

Dude. Bummer about your sister freaking out. How about just tellin' ya how she feels and asking you to respect her wishes. Can you see him afterwards? Be sure and let us know how it works out.

IDK...my husband and I were talking about this. She also picked a fight with my other sister. I think she might be trying to alienate everyone right now so she can have the entire visit to herself. Because I was calm and told her it was fine that she saw him alone that I understood all of that and she was still screaming at me. She said "He is my son, my son, my son!!" and "You better not show up at the airport...I will make you sorry if you do" and then I finally got in two words...I said "but Jennifer" and she started screaming at me "no buts, not buts, no buts, he is my f**king son!!" By this time I was done and said I am not going to have this conversation and hung up.

Wow..I got one of those in my family..well it's an ex SIL...but still drama.
I would let them have that first visit alone and since he invited you..maybe you can set up something with him seperately afterwards while you are still there. You may not get the opportunity again anytime soon. Maybe you can explain to him that you want to give him and your sis some "bonding" time with no outside pressures. Your sister may also just be freaking out with some nervous stress in addition to her other issues she mentioned. I think it will work out somehow for ya. Just keep chatting with him so that he knows you aren't a nutcase or nothing (eventhough you may be when this is over)