WWYD

[~Julie~]

Ok I have a dilemma... My cousin is getting married in September and I am not attending because she is not inviting children. I felt very offended that she didn't want any kids at her wedding including the ones she is closest to.

Here is my dilemma, I got an invitation for her bridal shower. I'm confused if I should go because I am not attending her wedding. What would you do if you were me.

[kbbeale]

Hm. I guess it depends on your relationship with this person. I guess if you're offended that children arent being allowed to attend the wedding, why would you want to go to the shower? But then again, I see where you are coming from, generally showers are not for children - and most weddings do allow children to attend.

If it were me, and my cousin (whom I am close to) did this, I wouldnt go to either....because I would be that upset about my children being excluded - not to mention the problem of having to find care for 3 children for the wedding, etc etc

Kristen

[crecia27]

You are still happy for her and want to celebrate her union right? I say go!

Her not wanting children wasn't a personal assault against you. I'm seeing more and more of a trend toward this but it always upsets people with children.

[Darcy Baldwin]

I'm with Lucrecia. If she's someone you care about and are close to, go to the shower and help her celebrate (you don't have to spend a ton).

Her not inviting children to the wedding is her choice - it's her wedding. If it means folks can't come, then folks can't come, but it's her dream to fulfill as she wants. I'd be disappointed, too, especially if I was close, but I'd certainly understand.

[jessica31876]

I guess it would depend on how close you two are. If she is someone you see alot and spend alot of time with then I say go. if she is someone you see rarely or maybe only on holidays I think it would be ok to skip it. Maybe send a congratulations card and a small gift. IDK...

[ColleenSwerb]

What Lucrecia and Darcy said.

[suzyqscraps]

My sister asked for no children under a certain age at her wedding, as she didn't want the ceremony interrupted by wailing babies and children running up & down the aisle. I could see her point of view. I'd say, if you have a good relationship with her, then go to the shower and celebrate with her. She'll understand if you can't come to the wedding b/c you can't find (or don't want to find) baby-sitters.

[nun69]

I agree with Col, Lucrecia and Darcy and I can certianly understand why whe may not want children at her wedding so it is not interrupted and they want it to be an adult affair and I also wouldn't take it personally, it's just what she decided she wants for her wedding. I say go to the bridal shower

[MamaBee]

I'm one of those that didn't want children at my wedding... it wasn't personal, I just needed to keep numbers down and didn't get a price cut on food just because there were "x" number of kids under a certain age. However, most the family didn't take the hint and I had a lot of kids running around.

If you aren't extremely close, I wouldn't go to the shower... but then I loathe showers... LOL! I don't give them, and I don't attend them...

[~Julie~]

I'm offended because the only children she is inviting is from her fiancé's family because they are coming from out of state. I'm not really close to her, I see her a few times a year. I don't know if I want to go, I'm just torn. Lol

Oh and I totally get that people don't want screaming babies at their ceremony but my kids are 10 and 6 and the youngest kid on our side is two. I'm not the only one that is hurt, my kids were very hurt when they found out they couldn't go to the wedding.

[kbbeale]

I guess what I was saying (since I am apparently in the minority), LOL is that I would really take offense to it if it were MY cousin - as I said we are close and more like sisters...and my children are VERY important to her. So, if that happened to me and she excluded children, I would be very offended, not to mention it would hurt the kids to not be able to share in her day.

You have to look at your relationship and make the best choice for you!

Kristen

[Stacey42]

If it were me, and I didn't see her that much I probably wouldn't go to the bridal shower. If I were feeling grumpy or annoyed about the no children thing I don't think I could keep it to myself & enjoy the party. Not htat I would be confrontational, but I'd be less than happy there.

Personally there were no kids at my wedding or my reception, not even DH's nieces & nephews. We wanted an adult gathering, with adult humor, and adult beverages & kids, even teens would make that atmosphere less fun for everyone because we'd have to watch ourselves in front of the children.

[g8rbeckie]

my $.02...

her wedding is the most important day of her life. It's not about other people. I'd cut her some slack over not inviting your kids. Its possible she and her fiance had a massive argument over this very issue, you never know! And at 10 and 6, your kids aren't old enough to be able to put the situation into proper context. Their feelings wouldn't be hurt if you explained it as a grown up event, right?

Like the others said - you definitely shouldn't go if attending without the kids is a hardship in some way!

I hate showers too...so I always look for excuses not to attend.

but I'd still send a gift...

(I traveled to my cousin's wedding in New York City when my daughter was one. Kids weren't allowed! but my cousin was kind enough to locate AND PAY FOR a babysitter. they used a service and the lady came to our hotel room. it was the first time we EVER left her with a sitter, so it was still crazy stressful for me)

[ryliesmom]

Maybe she's going to have a sitter at the wedding for just those out of state guests? I can see where it would be harder for those guests to attend if they couldn't bring their children with them. Also, I know your children are older, but it was probably a lot easier to just say no children at all then trying to give an age for cut off. Not taking her side, just trying to see her side of things a little.

Anyway, how far away are you from where the shower will be? If you're close then I'd make an effort to go. Don't take her decision personally.

[tuneskids]

we are attending a wedding this summer that specifically said no children on the invites ... although my children will be there with us. It's my SIL's wedding, and she knows that if she wants her brother to attend, our children will attend with us as we are traveling 10 hours to go to this wedding.
That being said, we are also the only family members with children, and our youngest is 5. It was meant more for their friends who have infants.
And as for her shower ... I wish I had been invited, even though I wouldn't have been able to attend. Her girlfriends arranged for a girls weekend away, and no one in the family got invited, it was for friends only.

As for your situation, I would probably still attend the shower, to be able to celebrate.

[rach3975]

Weddings are so expensive, and lots of people feel like they have to invite all or none of the kid cousins. She might have wanted to exclude all of the kids but felt like there was no way to invite out of state relatives without their kids. I understand your decision not to attend because of it, but I agree with the people saying to let it go.

I think the shower is your choice. It's fine to go if you want to celebrate with her, but fine to skip it if you're not that close or just feeling annoyed about the no kids thing. If it were me and I didn't attend either one, I'd send a wedding gift but not a shower gift.

[kresta]

Didn't read the other responses, but here's what I think. It's her day. She gets to decide what she wants. If you can swing it, find a sitter and enjoy it with her. If not, by all means, go to the shower and enjoy it! (Maybe while you're there, someone will have a sitter recommendation or something!)

[jacinda]

Originally Posted by kresta

Didn't read the other responses, but here's what I think. It's her day. She gets to decide what she wants. If you can swing it, find a sitter and enjoy it with her. If not, by all means, go to the shower and enjoy it! (Maybe while you're there, someone will have a sitter recommendation or something!)

I totally agree with Kresta. It's her day. It's not yours. I didn't want kids at my wedding either, and I LOVE kids. I mean this in the nicest possible way, but I really don't see that you should be offended by this. It's a wedding, not a family BBQ. It's not like she's singled out your kids specifically is it? I take is no kids are allowed in general. If you love her, I say support her and be happy for her, both with the wedding and the bridal shower.

[mummytothree]

Did she invite your girls to the shower? If she did and if it were me and I was in the situation, I would not attend either and I probably wouldn't send a gift. But I have totally different views on weddings then most of the people posting in this thread.

[jaylensmom]

Originally Posted by kresta

Didn't read the other responses, but here's what I think. It's her day. She gets to decide what she wants. If you can swing it, find a sitter and enjoy it with her. If not, by all means, go to the shower and enjoy it! (Maybe while you're there, someone will have a sitter recommendation or something!)

I totally agree...

[nonnie]

I have to say - I also think Its her day - and I also totally understand if she chose not to have children at her wedding... I would not take it personally - Life is too short. As for a gift - I had I cousin that I despised.. she liked to call me the fat cow... So for a wedding gift I donated money to the heifer project in Africa in her name. So if you are really that torn up about her decision - in leu of a gift donate money in her name to something like feed the children.

[scrap2day]

Well, at first I was going to say that I was in the Angie, Col, Lucrecia and Darcy camp but then I read your later message that said that the children on the fiancee's side of the family are invited but not your cousin's side of the family. If those children aren't going to be group babysat somewhere while the wedding is happening so it really is no children, then I totally understand why you are upset and hurt. IMO that's just rude. If you don't want any children so it can be an adult affair that's your choice. But to say children from one side of the family can come and the children from the other side can't?

At this point, I would say to do what feels best to you. If you don't want to go to the shower then don't. I would send a wedding gift (no shower gift) with a nice card expressing your well wishes for their wedding.

[Nettio]

Originally Posted by ~Julie~

I'm offended because the only children she is inviting is from her fiancé's family because they are coming from out of state. I'm not really close to her, I see her a few times a year. I don't know if I want to go, I'm just torn. Lol

But isn't this more out of necessity than anything else? I'm not saying it's fair, but like others have said, it's her day and you really don't know the reasoning behind the decision. What if it was an issue of cost? Would you be less offended if she said your children could come, but you'd have to pay for them? I know you said your kids are upset but is any 10 or 6 year old really going to be THAT upset about not getting to sit through a boring ceremony and reception for a cousin they don't see that often? I mean, I was 10 when my grandmother remarried and we all went to the ceremony and reception, but I only really remember all the fun play time my cousins and I had in the days before and after the wedding. The ceremony itself wasn't the highlight for me.

I guess my point is that I really think you should give her a break. Weddings are stressful enough without adding all the family drama, and it really doesn't seem like this was a personal decision against you or your children. I say if you want to make an effort to go to the shower, then go, otherwise don't worry about it. But I wouldn't use the issue regarding the children as a reason to not celebrate with her.

[lovely1m]

Originally Posted by Darcy Baldwin

I'm with Lucrecia. If she's someone you care about and are close to, go to the shower and help her celebrate (you don't have to spend a ton).

Her not inviting children to the wedding is her choice - it's her wedding. If it means folks can't come, then folks can't come, but it's her dream to fulfill as she wants. I'd be disappointed, too, especially if I was close, but I'd certainly understand.

ditto. Now my dh's little brother got married last summer. Got the invite, nothing is said about no children. We RSVP, nothing is said. Then days before the wedding, their mom calls and says that kids aren't invited. Yeah, it was not a fancy wedding or anything and the week of? Needless to say, I did not attend, but my dh did attend. That was strange IMO. Course I don't like that BIL at all anyway.

[~Julie~]

Thanks for your opinions everyone. We even offered to pay for our kids to go so that wasn't the problem. It's not just me that is mad, it's my other cousins as well. My cousin (the one that is getting married) is the youngest out of all of us and she is so close with all of our kids so we never thought she wouldn't invite kids.

[suzyqscraps]

That's really sad sweetie.

[joelsgirl]

I think you should forgive her and go to the shower. I mean, is this the kind of offense you want to end your relationship with her? I understand that your feelings are hurt, but if it were me, I would forgive her and move on with her still a part of my life. Bitterness is a terrible thing to live with.

[~Julie~]

Oh Kellie I'm not mad or bitter or anything. The main reason I posted this was because I was confused if I'm supposed to go to the shower if I'm not going to the wedding. I have never been in this situation before.

[jessica31876]

I dont think you should think about it as if you are supposed to rather whether you want to? If you want to go and you think you would have a nice/fun time with her and the other people who are coming to the shower you should go.