tell me something...

Rubia Padilha

Rubia Padilha

Sweet Shoppe Designer
... you are REALLY bad at.
And, no, I am not talking about shadows, clusters, using flowers (👋).
I am talking about REAL LIFE stuff.

Let me start here:
I am really REALLY bad in asking for help.

In my mind IF I can see when someone is needing help (and usually try to help others), WHY DO I HAVE TO ASK TO, kwim?
In my mind, when I see something dirty or out of place and feel like 'hey, maybe I should just clean up this or put this on it's place' WHY PEOPLE DON'T (can't?) DO THE SAME?

And, worse: in my mind, if you live with me, if you are close to me in any way, you would KNOW that I am struggling and needing help. EVEN if I don't tell you - and, yes, I probably won't tell you because I really feel bad talking about my own shit - I always prefer to listen you and your things.

Ok.
Thanks for listening me.
And, yes, I know I need to change this.
IF I am going to - that is another conversation. I am capricorn - we don't like to change things and/or asking for help.

🙃
 
Awww this is a sweet and sour thread lol. I feel the same Ru and Laura. I'm cancer and very sensitive (maybe too much).
I'm bad with asking for help for exactly the same reasons (and never forget who didn't help me too ;p) and always think I'm not good enough to receive compliments. I also feel I'm not good with trust others easily. I'm always suspicious before let the person enter in my life. But when I love this person I truly love it (or appreciate it depending of who it is of course lol).
 
I am so bad about asking for help AND really good about helping others to the detriment of my own well-being. I am working on that but it's been really hard. Even when I hire someone *to* help, I still find myself trying to go "no, I got it, it's okay." (See: the educational advocate who received both an annotated copy of his IEP *and* a bullet point list of those concerns unsolicited)

I also cannot make phone calls. I spent 3 days having to hype myself up to call my kid's pediatrician to schedule his well visit. It was easy peasy. "When do you want to come in? ... Okay, we have appointments every 15 minutes all day. Pick a time." At least now they have a web portal so I don't have to call next time.
 
I am bad at asking for help as well, Ru. Really bad at it. When my mom lived with me, when her dementia was at it's worse, I didn't get any help to care for her from my siblings until I broke. I literally lost my mind all over them because they had to know I needed help. They had to see it. They said they didn't and that I should have said something.

That is when I realized that people only see what they want to see. They don't look too closely at a situation that makes them uncomfortable and someone needing help tends to make people uncomfortable. It is easier to ignore a problem then to try to fix it, so avoidance is usually the answer. Just because something should be obvious, it doesn't mean that people, even your loved ones are going to wade in to help.

Unless you speak up, nothing is going to happen. If you need help, you have to say the words and if you don't then everyone can remain ignorant and for them ignorance is bliss.

I know change is hard and I can't tell you what to do, but I can tell you from experience it is always better to ask for help before the burden breaks you. If I can help, let me know. I will do what I can.
 
Brendazzle said:
I am so bad about asking for help AND really good about helping others to the detriment of my own well-being. I am working on that but it's been really hard. Even when I hire someone *to* help, I still find myself trying to go "no, I got it, it's okay." (See: the educational advocate who received both an annotated copy of his IEP *and* a bullet point list of those concerns unsolicited)

I also cannot make phone calls. I spent 3 days having to hype myself up to call my kid's pediatrician to schedule his well visit. It was easy peasy. "When do you want to come in? ... Okay, we have appointments every 15 minutes all day. Pick a time." At least now they have a web portal so I don't have to call next time.
Click to expand...

about the call, I haaaate calling people or getting a call. LOL at least, with doctors over here, people are using WhatsApp A LOT to schedule stuff.
 
Scrap-therapy said:
Awww this is a sweet and sour thread lol. I feel the same Ru and Laura. I'm cancer and very sensitive (maybe too much).
I'm bad with asking for help for exactly the same reasons (and never forget who didn't help me too ;p) and always think I'm not good enough to receive compliments. I also feel I'm not good with trust others easily. I'm always suspicious before let the person enter in my life. But when I love this person I truly love it (or appreciate it depending of who it is of course lol).
Click to expand...

same <3
 
I'm really bad at object permanence. (Thanks ADHD) If I can't see something, it no longer exists. Well, I mean it does I just forget to think about it or put time into it. It really screws with my relationships and hobbies. The worst is the way it impacts my grief, I always feel it, but unless I actively go and look at and think on my son or grandmothers I feel like I don't think on them enough, even though I talk about them all of the time.
 
MommaTrish said:
I'm really bad at object permanence. (Thanks ADHD) If I can't see something, it no longer exists. Well, I mean it does I just forget to think about it or put time into it. It really screws with my relationships and hobbies. The worst is the way it impacts my grief, I always feel it, but unless I actively go and look at and think on my son or grandmothers I feel like I don't think on them enough, even though I talk about them all of the time.
Click to expand...

there are SO much i could tell you about this, since Brian has ADHD and all the grief... BUT, girl, you will never forget about him, them. there is no ADHD enough in the world for it.
♥
 
I'm really bad about turning legitimate hobbies into Collecting Stuff.

When I was a rubber stamper, I built a collection of thousands of stamp sets, shelves full of colored cardstock, and every color of ink under the sun. But did I create cards and other paper art projects? Only once in a while. Maybe 15% of my stamps had ever been used.

Then I became a scrapbooker. I built an extensive collection of paper, stickers, punches, scissors, pens, markers, mixed media ... and did WAY more buying than I ever did creating.

And then I rediscovered sewing in 2018. (You can see where I'm going with this...) I now have an exceptionally well-curated collection of patterns, fabrics, and notions (thanks to the StashHub app). As of this morning, I have 456 individual cuts of fabric totalling 1,064 yards.

I try really hard to focus on using what I have, and I'm doing a much better job with sewing than I've done with any of my other projects. Last year, I used up 175 yards of fabric for completed sewing projects. But that's just under 20% of my stash, and I keep on buying more.

That's one of the things I'm really bad about - collecting, buying, and accumulating supplies for my hobbies instead of using what I have.
 
Rubia Padilha said:
about the call, I haaaate calling people or getting a call. LOL at least, with doctors over here, people are using WhatsApp A LOT to schedule stuff.
Click to expand...
All of the specialist doctors my son sees use an e-charting system that lets me message them from an app. My favorite of his doctors literally told me to message her via the app and never, ever call the desk and make her call me back. That's why she's my favorite 😂

angiekey said:
I try really hard to focus on using what I have, and I'm doing a much better job with sewing than I've done with any of my other projects. Last year, I used up 175 yards of fabric for completed sewing projects. But that's just under 20% of my stash, and I keep on buying more.
Click to expand...
That's still pretty impressive, even if you keep feeding the stash.
 
I'm really bad at asking for help / delegating too. I think I have "it's harder to tell someone exactly what I need and easier to just do it myself" syndrome and end up having a LOT on my plate sometimes. It's usually super worth it in the end, but it can be tiring / lead to burn out sometimes.

I've got the full-blown summer blahs right now where I just want to enjoy lounging and sunshine and catnaps and cool drinks, etc. but I've got a Summer Scrap-a-Thon to plan!

So interesting that so many of us struggle to ask for help when we need it.

I'm also bad at telling myself "no" when I really want something but probably shouldnt. Case in point. We have two dogs. I don't need another dog, but I REALLY want another puppy. It's such a bad idea, but I REALLY want it. Will post photos if I indulge in my wants LMAO, but I really shouldnt. But I want one. "It'll be fine!" You see how this can be problematic.
 
angiekey said:
I'm really bad about turning legitimate hobbies into Collecting Stuff.

When I was a rubber stamper, I built a collection of thousands of stamp sets, shelves full of colored cardstock, and every color of ink under the sun. But did I create cards and other paper art projects? Only once in a while. Maybe 15% of my stamps had ever been used.

Then I became a scrapbooker. I built an extensive collection of paper, stickers, punches, scissors, pens, markers, mixed media ... and did WAY more buying than I ever did creating.

And then I rediscovered sewing in 2018. (You can see where I'm going with this...) I now have an exceptionally well-curated collection of patterns, fabrics, and notions (thanks to the StashHub app). As of this morning, I have 456 individual cuts of fabric totalling 1,064 yards.

I try really hard to focus on using what I have, and I'm doing a much better job with sewing than I've done with any of my other projects. Last year, I used up 175 yards of fabric for completed sewing projects. But that's just under 20% of my stash, and I keep on buying more.

That's one of the things I'm really bad about - collecting, buying, and accumulating supplies for my hobbies instead of using what I have.
Click to expand...
Me too I always thought it was from growing up without much so I save it which is crazy since supplies are meant to be used
 
angiekey said:
I'm really bad about turning legitimate hobbies into Collecting Stuff.

When I was a rubber stamper, I built a collection of thousands of stamp sets, shelves full of colored cardstock, and every color of ink under the sun. But did I create cards and other paper art projects? Only once in a while. Maybe 15% of my stamps had ever been used.

Then I became a scrapbooker. I built an extensive collection of paper, stickers, punches, scissors, pens, markers, mixed media ... and did WAY more buying than I ever did creating.

And then I rediscovered sewing in 2018. (You can see where I'm going with this...) I now have an exceptionally well-curated collection of patterns, fabrics, and notions (thanks to the StashHub app). As of this morning, I have 456 individual cuts of fabric totalling 1,064 yards.

I try really hard to focus on using what I have, and I'm doing a much better job with sewing than I've done with any of my other projects. Last year, I used up 175 yards of fabric for completed sewing projects. But that's just under 20% of my stash, and I keep on buying more.

That's one of the things I'm really bad about - collecting, buying, and accumulating supplies for my hobbies instead of using what I have.
Click to expand...
The amount of yarn and color pencils all over my house is extreme. :censored::ROFLMAO:
 
angiekey said:
I'm really bad about turning legitimate hobbies into Collecting Stuff.

When I was a rubber stamper, I built a collection of thousands of stamp sets, shelves full of colored cardstock, and every color of ink under the sun. But did I create cards and other paper art projects? Only once in a while. Maybe 15% of my stamps had ever been used.

Then I became a scrapbooker. I built an extensive collection of paper, stickers, punches, scissors, pens, markers, mixed media ... and did WAY more buying than I ever did creating.

And then I rediscovered sewing in 2018. (You can see where I'm going with this...) I now have an exceptionally well-curated collection of patterns, fabrics, and notions (thanks to the StashHub app). As of this morning, I have 456 individual cuts of fabric totalling 1,064 yards.

I try really hard to focus on using what I have, and I'm doing a much better job with sewing than I've done with any of my other projects. Last year, I used up 175 yards of fabric for completed sewing projects. But that's just under 20% of my stash, and I keep on buying more.

That's one of the things I'm really bad about - collecting, buying, and accumulating supplies for my hobbies instead of using what I have.
Click to expand...
I can so relate!
 
I'm also bad at asking for help. When I went through chemo I was completely exhausted and overwhelmed. I didn't want to ask anyone for help. I was blessed that a neighbor down the street read on Facebook that I was going through chemo. She started sending me so many home cooked meals. It was so wonderful to have home cooked meals instead of fast food. Through all of that she also became a dear friend.
 
angiekey said:
I'm really bad about turning legitimate hobbies into Collecting Stuff.

When I was a rubber stamper, I built a collection of thousands of stamp sets, shelves full of colored cardstock, and every color of ink under the sun. But did I create cards and other paper art projects? Only once in a while. Maybe 15% of my stamps had ever been used.

Then I became a scrapbooker. I built an extensive collection of paper, stickers, punches, scissors, pens, markers, mixed media ... and did WAY more buying than I ever did creating.

And then I rediscovered sewing in 2018. (You can see where I'm going with this...) I now have an exceptionally well-curated collection of patterns, fabrics, and notions (thanks to the StashHub app). As of this morning, I have 456 individual cuts of fabric totalling 1,064 yards.

I try really hard to focus on using what I have, and I'm doing a much better job with sewing than I've done with any of my other projects. Last year, I used up 175 yards of fabric for completed sewing projects. But that's just under 20% of my stash, and I keep on buying more.

That's one of the things I'm really bad about - collecting, buying, and accumulating supplies for my hobbies instead of using what I have.
Click to expand...
I am really bad at STARTING something I know it will be good for me.
I saw the things you sew and LOVE them. My mom used to sew and I had a "base of knowledge" and even have a sew machine... every day I think I should do something with it and never do. Same goes with knitting. And I LIKE doing stuff, but I am always too tired, too anything to do what I know could be good for me...

Don't feel bad about doing what is good for you. You don't have to do anything forever. You just need to have fun. <3
 
Robin Carlton said:
I'm really bad at asking for help / delegating too. I think I have "it's harder to tell someone exactly what I need and easier to just do it myself" syndrome and end up having a LOT on my plate sometimes. It's usually super worth it in the end, but it can be tiring / lead to burn out sometimes.

I've got the full-blown summer blahs right now where I just want to enjoy lounging and sunshine and catnaps and cool drinks, etc. but I've got a Summer Scrap-a-Thon to plan!

So interesting that so many of us struggle to ask for help when we need it.

I'm also bad at telling myself "no" when I really want something but probably shouldnt. Case in point. We have two dogs. I don't need another dog, but I REALLY want another puppy. It's such a bad idea, but I REALLY want it. Will post photos if I indulge in my wants LMAO, but I really shouldnt. But I want one. "It'll be fine!" You see how this can be problematic.
Click to expand...

I think it is probably a women thing? See if men feel this way.
And I think you should totally go for the dog. And all the summer good things. ♥
 
EvelynD2 said:
I'm also bad at asking for help. When I went through chemo I was completely exhausted and overwhelmed. I didn't want to ask anyone for help. I was blessed that a neighbor down the street read on Facebook that I was going through chemo. She started sending me so many home cooked meals. It was so wonderful to have home cooked meals instead of fast food. Through all of that she also became a dear friend.
Click to expand...

wow, Evelyn. I am SOOO glad a woman helped you the best she could and turned out to become a friend. ♥ I do think women could do the world a better place IF we stopped fight each others because of men, mostly. lol
 
KristinCB said:
I am bad at not catastrophizing anything and everything. It's so frustrating and annoying.
Click to expand...

Love the catastrophizing word. It is because of our anxiety. It is bigger than us. I haaaaate it when Brian come with "mom, you are exaggerating" - well... try to live in my brain, kiddo. lol
 
Hi, @MommaTrish. Missed you. Are you scrapping again? I hope so. ❤️

I'm really bad at allowing myself the opportunity to be in the moment + enjoy the work I've done & the plans I've made. My ADHD mostly manifests as anxiety which means I spend a great deal of time thinking about the future and the past while glossing over the present. Scrapping does allow me a little bit of room to look back & appreciate the good things in my life but it is not the same as appreciating them as they are happening.

A therapist would probably say that I find sitting in my raw emotion so terrifying that I do everything I can subconsciously to erect scaffolding around those emotions so I can attempt to look on as an objective observer rather than the person actually feeling the feelings + that I do that because I was raised that having emotions/needs/wants was bad (unless you were my sister "who's just like that") by two parents who never showed any outward emotion and who valued hard work and being "good" (obedient and quiet) over strong interpersonal relationships and emotional intelligence.
 
In contrast to the way that I was raised, my 16yo and I spent 20 minutes yesterday educating my 12yo on how insults and names that American society calls women (none of which I can type here -- ha!) all relate to their bodies and how they may or may not use them s*xually and how that makes them "less worthy" vs. the insults and names that American society calls men all relate to specific parts of their body without a judgment on how or why they are used.
 
LeeAndra said:
Hi, @MommaTrish. Missed you. Are you scrapping again? I hope so. ❤️

I'm really bad at allowing myself the opportunity to be in the moment + enjoy the work I've done & the plans I've made. My ADHD mostly manifests as anxiety which means I spend a great deal of time thinking about the future and the past while glossing over the present. Scrapping does allow me a little bit of room to look back & appreciate the good things in my life but it is not the same as appreciating them as they are happening.

A therapist would probably say that I find sitting in my raw emotion so terrifying that I do everything I can subconsciously to erect scaffolding around those emotions so I can attempt to look on as an objective observer rather than the person actually feeling the feelings + that I do that because I was raised that having emotions/needs/wants was bad (unless you were my sister "who's just like that") by two parents who never showed any outward emotion and who valued hard work and being "good" (obedient and quiet) over strong interpersonal relationships and emotional intelligence.
Click to expand...
oh, LA... I know what you mean and I feel for you sooo much!!
BUUUUT in case you forget for just few seconds: you are an AMAZING person and super awesome mom ♥
 
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