Summer SAT - Jul 6 | Double Feature: The Devil Wears Prada
I played around with the "ask ChatGPT" trend. I was inspired by Cheryl's summer post in the forum.
Journaling:
WILDLIFE ADVISORY: As temperatures rise, the elusive Tammy enters her annual Summer Hibernation. Please do not attempt to lure her outside. She will not come.
Every year around the time the devil cranks Tennessee up to "preheat," Tammy disappears like a possum that heard a screen door slam.
This woman has an Olympic-level hatred for heat. She believes summer is less of a season and more of a punishment for humanity's poor decisions. She doesn't "enjoy summer." She survives it out of pure spite. If it's over 75°, she's filing a personal complaint against the sun and whoever invented humidity.
Even her dog, Gaige, has looked outside, sighed dramatically, and turned right back around like, "Absolutely not, ma'am. We ain't doing this bs today." He didn't choose the indoor life—the indoor life chose him.
People always say, "You just need to drink more water."
Bless your heart.
No. Tammy would rather negotiate with a wasp.
Tammy has spent years avoiding water like it's a telemarketer calling during dinner. She'll stare at a bottle of water like it personally offended her or her family. She doesn't trust it. It has no flavor. No caffeine. No purpose.
Coffee? Absolutely.
Diet Coke/Pepsi? Hand it over.
Water? Only if the Grim Reaper himself is standing in the driveway checking his watch.
Scientists insist hydration is important. Tammy remains unconvinced. She insists coffee counts. The debate remains unresolved.
Tammy's Official Summer Survival Kit includes:
• Several industrial-strength air conditioners working overtime.
• Seven fans positioned with military precision.
• A suspiciously large stockpile of hot coffee because "I don't care if it's 102°, coffee is coffee."
• Approximately 47 blankets because comfort has no season.
• Her Kindle filled with spicy hot reads, this is the only kind of heat she enjoys.
• Grey's Anatomy playing in the background because apparently emotional damage is a hobby and Meredith holds her hostage.
• A laptop opened to whatever digital scrapbook masterpiece she's currently hyper-focusing on.
Natural enemies include:
The sun.
Humidity.
Mosquitoes with bad intentions.
People who say, "It's not the heat, it's the humidity."
Anyone suggesting "Let's sit outside."
Water.
The first blast of hot air when opening the front door.
If she's not watching Grey's, she's probably digital scrapbooking with the focus of a NASA engineer, wrapped in enough blankets to survive an Ice Age while the A/C is set somewhere between "meat locker" and "penguin sanctuary."
By October, witnesses report a miraculous transformation. Tammy slowly emerges from her climate-controlled cave wearing a hoodie, carrying a steaming cup of coffee, smiling and whispering, "Finally... civilized weather."
Until then, she'll be inside with Gaige, the A/C set to "Arctic Expedition," wrapped in blankets, reading just one more chapter, watching one more episode of Grey's, sipping hot coffee, and waiting for hoodie season like it's the Second Coming.
Summer can keep its sunshine. Tammy chooses ice cold air conditioning, caffeine, blankets, books, her dog, and pure, unapologetic indoor peace.
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