FAMILY......ugh!!!!

[my4boys]

Ok so I need to get this off my chest!!!!!

I take care of my niece (will be 2 in 5 days) and have been for pretty much since she was born (except in the summer, my SIL is a teacher). I love her like she was my own and she adores my kids and they adore her as well. She is pretty much a good girl with the small exceptions of being TWO but it is not too bad (YET!!!!).


So here is the issue I am having....over 1 month ago I asked them to find someone else to watch her this week because my DH is in Japan until Nov 1st and it really takes a toll on me and my kids when he is gone for this long....we have a busy week and I DO NOT sleep well when DH is gone. So for those reasons, plus the fact that I am already pulling my hair out trying to keep up with everything I do plus what DH does on a daily basis I asked for 1 measly week off!!!!! I have even reminded my brother and SIL each week since I mentioned it last month.....well guess what, they NEVER even tried to find someone and I have her ALL this week and now my stress level has increased like 1,000 times more!!!!

I am by no means a wimp and can handle it but my question to all of you wonderful compassionate ladies is do I even bother saying anything to either of them or do I just drop the whole thing? I mean I would NOT have cared at all if they would have just said, "I am really sorry but we cannot find anyone else to watch her." but they did not even try and never bothered to call me Sunday night to let me know she was coming.....I am just so peeved at my brother right now I cannot even tell you. He and I are really close too so I guess it bothers me even more that nothing was said/done.

Part of the kicker here is that I offered to watch her for them at the start and I am only charging them $5.00/hr. I don't know any daycare for that cheap so I feel as though I am being taken advantage of a little bit too and that really hurts me.

Sorry for the long post but I really value the opinions of all of you and want to know what you all think...I am leaning towards saying something to him today when he comes to get her but I am not quite sure how/what to say either. He does NOT take confrontation very well at all!!!

FYI, my last reminder to my SIL was just last Friday nite too....how is that for a punch in the gut!!!!!

TIA for all/any advise here........ you all

[Jennifer]

What a tough situation. It's always hard when it's family. If it were me, I would probably call my brother and ask if he's found anyone to care for her for the rest of the week. Tell him how tired you are and that you are so thankful that they understand...blah, blah, blah. IDK, maybe turn it around on him a bit.

Or, just don't answer the door tomorrow. Kidding, of course.

[my4boys]

Originally Posted by Jennifer

What a tough situation. It's always hard when it's family. If it were me, I would probably call my brother and ask if he's found anyone to care for her for the rest of the week. Tell him how tired you are and that you are so thankful that they understand...blah, blah, blah. IDK, maybe turn it around on him a bit.

Or, just don't answer the door tomorrow. Kidding, of course.

I have actually thought about calling him tonite and telling him that I was sick but I know that would be WRONG ...the thought is still in my mind though!!!

[Nikki Epperson]

I'm sorry! That totally sucks. My husband's family does stuff like that to me. I'm a total pushover so they get away with it.

[my4boys]

Originally Posted by nikkiepperson

I'm sorry! That totally sucks. My husband's family does stuff like that to me. I'm a total pushover so they get away with it.

Me too that is why I am freaking out.....I really feel like I am being taken advantage of and it is really hurting me to feel this way!!!!

[jessica31876]

My husband's neice was having me babysit for her three years ago and I was only charging her 1.00 per hour for each of her two children. (She thought that was way to much.) I had to quit because of an example just like yours. My husband was on vacation and I told her for that week I could not sit for her and she didnt even try to find anyone to take my place so I told her I would not be able to babysit at all anymore.

ETA:I was only charging 1.00 an hour because she worked at Mcdonalds and did not make alot of money so I was really only charging for what the kids ate/drank plus a few dollars for myself. It was more to be nice then anything else.

[heatherdumas]

My family and friends have alway taken advantage too. I have become a little bit harsh because of that. So, depending on how far you want to go, here is what I would do. YOu have asked them. You have reminded them. I would just find an errand to run when it is time to drop her off. If you are not there they will have to find a way to deal with it themselves. The thing is, people are just used to you always being there for them. They take you for granted. There must be somewhere else you could be for that timeframe. And when they question you, simply say that you had explained that you couldn't do it this week.
But that is what I would do. Because I am tired of being taken for granted.

[Paula]

I'd simply tell them that you've been telling them for one full month now (with weekly reminders) and that you can not watch her this week.

[my4boys]

Originally Posted by jessica31876

My husband's neice was having me babysit for her three years ago and I was only charging her 1.00 per hour for each of her two children. (She thought that was way to much.) I had to quit because of an example just like yours. My husband was on vacation and I told her for that week I could not sit for her and she didnt even try to find anyone to take my place so I told her I would not be able to babysit at all anymore.

SERIOUSLY...$1.00 and she thought that was too much

I don't think it would come to that for me...I guess it is more of a respect thing than anything else..KWIM?

[Kat Stokes]

I would ask when your brother picks her up tonight if they have found someone else for the rest of the week as you had given them plenty of notice to find someone else. They are completely taking advantage of you! My sitter even gets 2 weeks paid vacation whether she leaves her house or not. She gets 2 weeks off. Paid. PERIOD.

As for how much they are paying you, I'm in Northern Cali and I pay $140/week or $28/day for my 1 year old. However, I know that the cost is a little higher in the bigger cities.

[kscwgirl]

i would do what Jen said. Try to turn it around on him.

ETA: My daycare gets 4 or 5 paid personal days per year, as well as paid holidays. Only the major ones like thanksgiving, christmas, labor day, memorial day.. the ones where there is no school.

I pay $120/4 days, $30 a day.

[jessica31876]

yep...I was really only doing it as a favor and charged such a small amount to help her because I felt badly for her and she was family and I was the only person in our family who doesnt work outside the home. Still had her complaining about having to pay me 40 dollars a week though.

Originally Posted by my4boys

SERIOUSLY...$1.00 and she thought that was too much

I don't think it would come to that for me...I guess it is more of a respect thing than anything else..KWIM?

[Stacey42]

It sucks when you try to help people out and they take advantage of it. I'd ask whoever picks her up this evening pont blank "who did you find to watch her the rest of the week?" and insist they acknowledge that it won't be you.

[lizzyfizzy]

no matter how you slice them apples, it's gonna be tough with them being family and all. i would say, you should say something. your doing them a favor by being super cheap and you are entitled to a vaca. with that said, be as kind as you can, but def say something. good luck with all that...i have an issue kinda like this that i need to deal with as well...tricky stuff...i hate tricky stuff. ((HUGS!!))

[my4boys]

Thanks chickas...I feel a bit better but still don't know if I am gonna say something to him or call my SIL instead.....I find it easier to confront her (not being blood related and all!!!) and besides it won't be face to face, I am not so good at that!!!!!

[my4boys]

Well I talked to my SIL and now SHE is making me feel guilty.......WTF, I am even more angry now than I was before. She is now telling me that she found someone for tomorrow but not thursday yet and if she can't then she will have to take a day off of work (she is a teacher) so where do I go now...do I stick with my guns ans tell her to do what she has to do or give in and take my niece????

I am in a world of crap now and feel terrible.

[meems]

i'd stick to your plan. Sounds like you gave them plenty of notice. If she has days off she can take well this is a good time to take them. You have to take care of yourself too in order to be able to take care of others, right?

If you give in now then they'll just continue to take you for granted.

Don't feel bad! You are entitled to your time off.

good luck!

[my4boys]

Thanks Meems, it is totally in my nature to feel bad about crap like this but come later tonite or tomorrow I will have forgotten about it and be fine ( I hope!!!)

[Stacey42]

Stick to your plan. They have had plenty of notice. They chose to ignore it. It is on them to work it out. If you give in now they will never believe you when you say you can't take her and someday you might have something that you *must* do and they will do the same thing they are doing now.

[Nonnie917]

Originally Posted by heatherdumas

My family and friends have alway taken advantage too. I have become a little bit harsh because of that. So, depending on how far you want to go, here is what I would do. YOu have asked them. You have reminded them. I would just find an errand to run when it is time to drop her off. If you are not there they will have to find a way to deal with it themselves. The thing is, people are just used to you always being there for them. They take you for granted. There must be somewhere else you could be for that timeframe. And when they question you, simply say that you had explained that you couldn't do it this week.
But that is what I would do. Because I am tired of being taken for granted.

I am with you, that is exactly what I would do too. You shouldn't allow family to take advantage of you no matter how close you might be.

[my4boys]

*UPDATE*

They got someone to take her today (Wed.) and Friday but no one for Thursday yet...we shall see what happens!!! Thanks for all your advice girls, I truly appreciate it

[newfiemountiewife]

I agree with the others. Too bad if they don't have anyone for Thursday, that's not your problem. They had lots of time!

I am meaner, and I put my foot down with family/friends. I don't mind helping people out, but I have to draw a line somewhere so I'm not a doormat. Don't let them take advantage of you. Let them figure Thursday out. Not your problem!

((hugs))

[sannajeannine]

Originally Posted by Jennifer

What a tough situation. It's always hard when it's family. If it were me, I would probably call my brother and ask if he's found anyone to care for her for the rest of the week. Tell him how tired you are and that you are so thankful that they understand...blah, blah, blah. IDK, maybe turn it around on him a bit.

Or, just don't answer the door tomorrow. Kidding, of course.

Perfect way to handle this situation Jennifer! Thats what I would do, turn it around on him!

[pbumbaca]

I have to chime in here, if my daycare is closed and I can't find someone else to watch my kids I have to take a day off. Your SIL should too! I don't think she should be trying to make you feel guilty, if her kids were in a center she would have no choice and she'd be paying a lot more for it!

I have to pay a flat fee for the week which includes all holidays and if my kids are not going to be there because I go on vacation I still have to pay the fee that week. I have been paying between $150/week per kit to $70/week (before/after school only) per kid for the last 12 years so your SIL is getting a heck of a deal!

[Sarah8914]

Wow, that's crazy!

I doubt I could do it, but you could charge them more for Thursday--or charge them for today or friday if you have to watch her tomorrow. Might not be the nicest thing, but you gave them plenty of notice!

[ColleenSwerb]

Holy Mackeral woman, stick to your guns! If they don't find someone for thursday that's their problem, not yours. You told them a bajillion times you needed the week off! They're lucky you took her mon and tues, cuz no way I would have.

[DawnMarch]

I totally see your point of view, hon, and you definitely need to be able to take time off.

With that said, I'm going to play devil's advocate here for a minute. It can be really, really hard to find alternate child care, especially for a kid that small and for a whole week. For example, DH and I live in a city where we have not a single relative for over 1000 miles in any direction. So, family is not an option. All of our friends work during the day. There are no "drop-in" childcare places here. Our baby-sitters are all students who can't work during the day. We have tried a service that will get you a person for a day, but honestly, you never know what weirdo you are going to get (and we have gotten some strange birds). [And, they are crazy expensive -- you pay the nanny's salary PLUS $25/day to the agency plus another $1000 to sign up with the service for the year]. And you don't want to leave a defenseless little one with someone who you don't completely trust -- would you do that with your kids?

Um, what else? It's not easy for a teacher to take a whole week off from work during the school year -- they are under a lot of pressure to complete the required curriculum and meet testing requirements. My DH is a professor and there is absolutely NO WAY that he could take off a week during the middle of the semester without some extremely dire reason. Really, he'd be close to getting fired if he did that. And wouldn't you be kinda aggravated if one of your kids' teachers just left them with a substitute for a whole week -- I would.

Really, I'm not defending them -- you are absolutely right that they should have at least tried to find something. The most definitely should have at least called you to talk about what was going on! That's just common courtesy and I agree they are taking advantage of you somewhat. I just thought I'd give you some of the arguments they might make if/when you talk to them.