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#1
02-06-2009, 10:40 PM
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back to square one
he went out last night around 10pm. kissed me goodbye and said he wouldnt' be gone long. he didnt get back until about an hour or so ago! he was gone a whole day without calling me. he 'claims' he met a cool guy here from Indy and he gave him a ride back to Indy and partied with him. swears he wasn't with any woman. i want to believe him. but i don't know if i do. i didnt see any evidence on his clothes; perfume etc. anyway, he came back, acted like it was no big deal, bathed, got dressed and went back out! he says he'll be back later. uh huh. and that he wants to file the separation papers. again. he was fine the other night, until he went out and liked the life of the single guy and decided he wanted it too. says he'll give me whatever i need to take care of the kids but he just doesn't want to be married anymore.
my mom and dad both think i should just let him go. that maybe someday i'll find someone else who'll treat me better. i doubt it. i have 3 kids and stretch marks.  i don't have a lot of self confidence. but i have been thinking of going to school. that way some day i can maybe buy my own home and not have to rely on someone else. though i'm not against finding someone, i just don't know how soon that would happen.send your single, cute, non-jerky, responsible, children-loving men my way.  I'm 30, i like simple pleasures in life and i won't cheat on you.
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#2
02-06-2009, 10:43 PM
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Aww, Corey, he's being a jerk. Let him go and see how much fun it is to be a single man. Yeah, its great fun for a month, then what. You can do things on your own and don't need to sit around waiting for him to get back from being out. Hugs!
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#3
02-06-2009, 10:47 PM
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Corey, when you find someone who is right for you, the 3 kids & stretchmarks won't matter, not at all!
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#4
02-06-2009, 10:49 PM
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It's easy for us to just say let him go because we don't have the feelings for him that you have...but if he's willing to provide for you and the kids..I'd probably pack them up and go to moms..and get your life in order. Once you can provide for yourself w/out his help your self confidence will improve and you will realize you can do ANYTHING w/out a man by your side.
You can't make him become the guy he WAS..just remember that. You deserve so much more than he's willing to give you. Don't lack the respect in yourself to accept how he treats you. Get your life in order and the rest will fall into place 
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#5
02-06-2009, 10:53 PM
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I've got a bighearted 32 year old brother in law. He's kind of having a rough time of it. He keeps dating the wrong women and they just bring him down! I sure wished he'd find someone sweet like you!
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#6
02-06-2009, 10:59 PM
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you're so right, Meghan. deep down i know that. but its nice to know that you understand that the feelings involved make it harder. it would be easier if i hated him. i probably should, and in a way i do, but that dang love just keeps getting in the way. Emma is really upset (she's 3) she kept asking where daddy was all day, and cried that she wanted him. then when he left again she got upset and said she hated him.
 its hard to explain to a toddler. i just told her that daddy is sad and that he wants to live alone and not with us anymore. and that her and sissy and bubby and mommy will move someplace just the four of us. i'm just trying to be honest with her. don't know if thats what i'm supposed to do. none of this seems to bother Aidan, he's too young to understand. and Chloe is 6 and doesn't seem to care. i asker her the other day how it would make her feel if daddy didnt live with us and she said 'Nothing" my kids arent' stupid. they are aware that daddy doesn't act like a real daddy should. my poor kids.
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#7
02-06-2009, 11:08 PM
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HUGS Corey!
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#8
02-06-2009, 11:09 PM
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Pack his clothes and set them on the porch. You make the decision instead of him. Like I told you in my PM, been there, done that. You need to do what's right for you and the kids. He'll figure out pretty quickly that being single isn't all it's cracked up to be. then it will be your decision as to where you two go from there. It's always hard when love is still involved.
Hang in there - you've got lots of friends here at SSD for support, even if it's just to vent and lean on for support!!
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#9
02-06-2009, 11:16 PM
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I am so sorry Corey. I am afraid I would not be very helpful when it comes to advice. I know that is hard to let go of someone you love though, even if it's the right thing to do. I know it is scarey. I hope you figure everything out and can find happiness.
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#10
02-06-2009, 11:16 PM
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You said it right there Corey..realize your kids are NOT stupid. They DO not need that for a role model. Raise them to be sweet loving children and to respect who they are with. You want your daughters to grow up and have high expectations for a partner one day. One that will show them an equal partnership and really cherish them. Same for your son..you want him to grow up into a respectful young man that will treat a woman right. If you accept being treated like crap then they too will think that's ok! Want it better...for them and for yourself.
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#11
02-06-2009, 11:18 PM
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((Hugs)) I'm sorry it's coming to this since you still love him, but you and the kids are going to get through this and create a great new life for yourselves. He's going to be the one missing out.
ETA--And listen to Meghan. so true, what she said.
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 Last edited by rach3975; 02-06-2009 at 11:21 PM.
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#14
02-07-2009, 12:27 AM
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I haven't read any of the other responses but he is throwing up red flags like a Nascar race.
I'm not saying it wont be hard, but he apparently isn't focusing on you and the kids, so that's something you have to make your priority now. Do for you and your amazing kiddoes. Go to school, be independent and take care of yourself - these things will lead to happiness. (oh and BTW, there ARE men out there who love kids and stretch marks).
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#15
02-07-2009, 01:42 AM
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I'm so sorry, Corey. I don't know what to say, but I think you've been given a lot of good advice. And it sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders, so I'm sure you'll do what's best for you and the kids. {{{{{HUGS}}}}}
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Chelsey -------  
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#16
02-07-2009, 01:42 AM
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Take care of yourself and kids Corey. Don't let him treat you like that. I know it's not easy but his actions speak loudly of his disrespect for you. Give yourself a break from him.
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~Sam~ Creating for:
 *Dianne Rigdon*Jan Guest for Krystal Hartley*
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#17
02-07-2009, 02:11 AM
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((hugs)) Corey. I'm just heartsick for you. I'm so sorry he has unplugged from your relationship and the kids. I just want to echo what Meg has said and to offer ((hugs))...just keep swimming sweetie and know you deserve so much more.
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#18
02-07-2009, 02:30 AM
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((hugs)) corey...i'm so sorry you're going thru this...i know it's difficult but put yourself first...i agree with sara you deserve so much more but you have to believe it also...and believe me if it doesn't work out there are men out there who would love to love you as is...
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Rachelle
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#19
02-07-2009, 02:37 AM
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I have nothing to offer but giant (((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))
BELIEVE me when I say I absolutely absolutely absolutely know what you are going through and feeling. I have sooooo been there. Like...sooo been there. It sucks. It sucks when YOU have to be the strong one and suck it up for your kids while HE goes out and drinks and does GOD knows what until GOD knows when. I'm telling you...been there...done that. Stay strong. And yes, it is hard to do. But you need to for those kids. Cry in the shower....anywhere away from them. It's rough. But someone will love and respect you. Strechmarks and all.
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#20
02-07-2009, 03:33 AM
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(((((hugs))))) he's a jerk! Even if a divorce or a separation is never a "good" solution, it's sometimes the "best" solution in that given situation, kwim? Especially for your kids: my parents' divorce was tough, but much easier than seeing them both unhappy together. When my mom left, she was still in love, and my dad wasn't terrible with her. It was the most difficult decision she ever had to make, but as I said it was the best solution. I was 16 and my brother was 11, so it was easier for us to understand what was going on, but even smaller kids understand something's wrong, as you just said. Believe in yourself, you can do anything. It won't be easy everyday, but it will get better. You deserve someone to love you and respect you, he doesn't. (((((((hugs)))))))
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 Signature created using "To The Moon And Back" by Amanda Yi & Meghan Mullens
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#21
02-07-2009, 03:46 AM
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Corey, he sounds like an SOB. Sorry, I waited a long time before posting my comments. But seriously, kick his butt out and say to hell with him. You don't need a man like that, you can do it yourself, I'm sure it'll be hard at first, but you'll adjust and be happier in the long run and I'm sure you'll find the right guy for you one day.
Hugs Honey.
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#22
02-07-2009, 04:14 AM
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Oh Corey honey ((hugs))! I think Meg said it perfectly! Just remind yourself that you are a wonderful person woman and you deserve so much better!
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#23
02-07-2009, 07:31 AM
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You know what I think, and you know that I KNOW you are so special and worth so much more than this. (((hugs)))
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#24
02-07-2009, 08:35 AM
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Corey, I realize it has to be hard, but in the long run, you AND your children will be better off if you let him go....He is so unfair coming and going as if he were already single....I'm not sure how old your children are, but what kind of message is he sending to them? Sounds to me like he thinks the grass is greener on the other side of the fence! Let him find out, it's not, but don't be waiting for him to waltz back in to your life....My daughter is going to be 25 years old in June, she is a single parent of two beautiful children and she wishes with all of her heart that she could find a decent guy who will love her AND her children....I know that there is someone out there for her AND there is also someone out there for you--stretch marks and all....
*Stretch marks are a sign of beauty*Big HUGS
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 Beautiful siggy by Jacinda using KCB's Wide Open Spaces
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#25
02-07-2009, 09:12 AM
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I just have to say I wholeheartedly agree with Meg here. I've been in a similar spot before and though we were able to work it out and it hasn't reared it's ugly head again, I know where you are at and I totally agree that the people that say to just let him go and walk away really probably don't understand that it's never really just that easy. But then you get to that spot where the rubber meets the road ...whatever YOUR breaking point is and you will do what you need to do ..whatever it ends up being, that is best for you and your children. I wish you much luck and clear thinking in the days ahead...but I know you'll be strong and come out on the other side just fine.
Quote:
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  kit used for siggie "Kona Coast" by Julie Billingsley
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#27
02-07-2009, 11:30 AM
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you gals are amazing. i love you all. i believe my breaking point should be now, lol. and definitely if he slept with someone else, heck even kissed. ok,i don't even like it when he dances with other girls and he has admitted to that in the past. he swears he didnt do anything with another girl. i want to believe him. but a part of me doesn't. he said he smoked some weed and just crashed at that guys place until the high wore off cause he couldn't find his way back while high. that pissed me off too. i don't do drugs, weed included. he said he doesn't think weed is for him. haha. i hope he feels like crap after that. he was smart to sleep it off, cause if he had been pulled over on the way home from Indy to Kokomo, which he probably would have, he would hve been sitting there awhile. i wouldn't bail him out, atleast not right away. i hope to sit and talk with him today. maybe go see his stepsister and brother. maybe if there is a mediator there he'll be more honest about what happened. if he did do anything i hope he wore protection. though i find out he slept around, i may bobbitize him
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#29
02-07-2009, 01:47 PM
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he did apologize. i was in the bathroom putting makeup on and he stopped in the hallway and said "I'm sorry for the way I acted last night". i told him that meant a lot to me. now hes on this 'low'. i swear they need to go ahead and declare him bi-polar too. he gets these strung out highs and then he gets really down afterward. they already have him on some meds that are used with bi polar patients but haven't officially declared it. his doctors are stupid.
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#31
02-07-2009, 03:46 PM
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You know, I'd be inclined one Friday or Saturday night to leave him with the kids and go out with the girls. Or even just pretend to go out and have a fabulous time. Come home really really really late and gush about what a great time you had and how single guys are such flirts. Let him see how it feels to not be missed.
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#32
02-08-2009, 10:54 PM
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My guess is, even if you stay with this guy, you will always doubt and question him for the rest of your life. Why do you want to stay with someone who is willing to give up the kids and doesn't want you anymore? He doesn't sound healthy for you and ESPECIALLY the kids right now. I would either move out or kick him out. You gotta do what is best for you and the kids-not that guy. Right now, it sounds like he is getting the best of both worlds, and you get nothing. This guy is a poor role model for your children-and they are seeing it everyday.
Whichever you choose-good luck to you and your kids! Last edited by Ainwena; 02-08-2009 at 10:57 PM.
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#33
02-09-2009, 08:41 AM
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I think Meg said it best and all I can offer above that is more hugs Corey. You will get through this and come out a stronger person on the other side because of it. Hang in there!
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Happy Scrappin!
Pam 
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