If You're Separated Or Divorced...

[ditzyscrap]

I've got a question for you.

Long story short, I separated from my husband at the end of July and moved 4 hours away. The kids were with me for all of August, and our custody hearing awarded him interim custody until we go to "special chambers" for a final hearing.

Anyhow, they set up my visitation at the same time, and I get the kids every other weekend. The judge ordered that I return them on Sundays by 7pm, which is totally doable, no big deal. BUT my first weekend with the kids happens to be a long weekend - so I asked my ex if I could keep them until Monday, and he said no.

SO, my question is...if it's a long weekend and your ex or you has visitation that weekend, is it usually agreed that you get them for the full weekend?

[Nikki Epperson]

Almost everyone I know that has some sort of decree or whatever gets the extra day, kwim? Here, Memorial Day, Labor Day, etc... But we don't have an order so Destiny's mom hardly ever lets her stay extra with us. It's a pain and we hate it -- but until we have more money, there isn't much we can do, kwim?

[lovely1m]

My parents are divorced. My dad never had set visitation times, we just went with him whjenever it worked out for all of us. My dad and my sister's mom also got divorced, he had a set amount of time he has her for, but they change it together each time the time comes up. I think its ridiculous that your ex cannot be accomadating. I would make sure to write that down and when it comes time for the actual visitation and custody hearings, you get that set in writing since he doesn't seem to want to flex at all. I know its barely ever possible, but as my dh's friend and his ex are going through a very messy divorce right now, I just wish people could be more adult during that tough time. Be nice to eachother, it shows with the kids. Good luck!

[AnnieBananie]

That's how XH and I do it. When we sat down for mediation, the mediator is who recommended it so it can't be that outrageous of a request... but it did end up having to be written in as a provision of our custody order, it wasn't just there.

[Emmy]

No advice, but I wanted to post.... Bree, I'm so sorry! I didn't realize you were going through this - I know it must be really hard.

[jessica31876]

I would not see why it should not. My husband and I split up almost 13 years ago (and reconciled about a year after we split) and our court order just specified the basics. It was not really specific about what the weekend consisted of. Since the kids were in school we agreed for the first year they would stay with him and we would work out the specifics after that and I had the kids every weekend. My husband was not really difficult and if I wanted the kids for an extra day he did not have a problem with it though. Ummm since we reconciled Im not really divorced or seperated so it does not still apply but that was my experience at that time. I hope that you and your ex can work something out. I can imagine that it is difficult and you're only asking for an extra day. If he doesn't cooperate though I would defenitely let the judge know when you go in for the final agreement so something more specific can be drawn up for any future occurences like that.

Also wanted to say Im sorry you are going through this...I do know how hard it is so I hope it'll work out for you and your family.

[lauren grier]

like annie said.. it has to be in writing, or he can just say no.

[jenn7]

No, sorry, but it's not. Not unless you both agree to it beforehand. It may be different in different states, I don't know. But not the case where I am.

[Sarah8914]

I'm sorry Bree I hope you're doing okay!

[Brandy]

Me and Jeff have seperated a time or two over the last 5 years and we didn't go to court or anything but than he would be the same way your ex is being. Jeff's motive would be he knew it'd hurt me and not realize about Owen so I know how that feels. Here when my SIL got divorced 4.5 yrs ago, they set up how he got her for certain holidays and she got her the other. They rotated it on an he got her on this and this holiday the even years and she got her on the odd years.

[ditzyscrap]

Thanks for the advice and hugs, girls! I'm doing alright - I mean, it obviously sucks that I won't have them and I'll miss things like their first day of school and all that. But, it'll be OK. Haha, maybe ask me on Monday after I've dropped the kids off, the story may be different...but for now, I'm doing not too bad.

[cheltzey]

Bree, I'm so sorry! I had no idea! I think you might win the prize for the worst summer ever! We're thinking about you!

[mnm_y2]

Wow. that sucks. I would think it would make sense for the parent to keep them on the long weekends... but I see what others say of saying no just to mess with the other spouse. I don't have any advice on how all that stuff works.. just wanted to offer some (((hugs))) I couldnt imagine not seeing my babies every day

[LenaGardner]

ok...I've been on both ends of this and...when I had Nathan, wasband could have him for long weekends, etc. Now that wasband has Nathan the same is true. I suspected that you were going through some stressful times but this takes the cake in the sense that he's being difficult...I hate the finger point/name call someone I've never met but....

how immature.

and how terribly, terribly mean to the children.

What's an extra day?

I'm so sorry...I'm going to say lots of prayers right now that he comes to his senses (?) and that in general...this goes as easily as possible

[Amber1279]

it is written in our decree that the monday holiday goes to whoever has the kids that weekend. He is 5-6 hours away and I refuse to travel to the meeting point weekly, so he gets the 2nd and 4th weekends.

[ditzyscrap]

Lena, to be fair...I left him without notice and kept the kids all month - he got to see them for 3.5 hours the day that he served me with his parenting claim and then got to have them for the night when I served him. So altogether, in a month, he saw the kids for less than 24 hours. So I *get* why he's being difficult about this extra day...I was just wondering if it has to be written out. I guess it does, and I'll talk to my lawyer and make sure that it's in the final custody agreement.

[alien21xx]

Sorry to hear this, Bree. My parents are also divorced, and since the agreed custody was all of us stay with my mom in a different country, I never saw my dad until I was 15. (they divorced when I was 10) I didn't get to actually stay with him until I was 23 and already a legal adult.

[newfiemountiewife]

I'm sorry Bree! When my parents divorced, I was almost glad I was older, my brother and I came and went as we pleased at both locations. It worked well for all of us, but my parents were very amicable about the whole thing. Divorce is hard, but if the parents can keep it civil it makes a big difference. ((hugs))

[SirScrapalot]

Sorry to hear what you are going through. Hope it all works out.

[Brandy]

Yeah I did that with Jeff the times we seperated and he's always said that the only way he wouldn't be difficult was if he left me so yeah. ((hugs)) I think getting it in the final order would be a good idea =).

[Kara]

No advice, just wanted to send some hugs.

[4noisyboys]

{{{hugs}}} Bree!

I'm so sorry he is choosing to be difficult and selfish. Totally NOT thinking of the kiddos.

[Sweeet]

Well I went through a nasty mediation with my XB {ex-b/f} and anyways, our parenting plan, as well as our visitation orders were all worked through a mediator and the holidays were according to the even and odd years, just like our taxes.....anddddddddddddddddddd after a few years, HE got over the selfishness and I got more 'relaxed' as well and now, if it's a long weekend or spring break, I don't have issues if my son wants to stay with the "bio"...majority of the time he doesn't want to go, but overall, NOW we all get along, believe it or not, including the wife and his half-siblings...funny how things work out. I'm sure it will be that way with you, although I do not know the circumstances. I do know it's tough the 1st 2 years, but there has to be a point where he has to give a little....and remember it's for the kids and not for HIM or yourself. I wish you the best sweetie and here's a huge hug from me to ya! ((((((((HUGS)))))))))

[pbumbaca]

Bree, I'm sorry to hear about your separation and I hope you can get everything all worked out and find happiness.