NSBR: Wedding Ettiquette

[Teresa]

Well.....having been on the bride end of things recently and the bridesmaid side plenty of times too, once you agree to be in the wedding (which from the sounds of it, you weren't even asked, which royally stinks....) it's pretty much "what the bride says goes" and buying the dress/shoes/hair/makeup is usually taken on by the bridesmaid. After researching wedding etiquette for a long time....guys on the bride's side, different colored dresses, different lengths, shades, styles, anything goes! I've been on the receiving end of awful dresses (lavendar?? I agree with you on the plum/aubergine....!) and decided for my wedding to ask the bridesmaids to have as much input as possible and asked them about styles/cost/etc. all the way through (the dresses were black, two-piece, tea-length and 2 of the girls have already worn their dresses to other weddings, which totally makes me happy!).

Unfortunately, I don't think it happens that way in most weddings, but if you're close to your sister, maybe you could go shopping with her for dresses? Maybe suggest/try on dresses in other colors (or variations of what she thinks she wants)? And/or send her a few swatches of wedding color suggestions (try Martha Stewart, Real Simple, Ann Taylor (has a gorgeous midnight blue color out right now), The Knot, etc.). I hope you guys can come to an agreement!! It can get to be a sore subject even in the best of situations with all the general stress of wedding planning....I hope it all works out for the best! (And show us some pics!).

T.

[lisarose]

I've been to weddings where the bridesmaids had the same style of dress, but in different colours. My favourite was one who had 5 bridesmaids and the colours were navy, yellow, orange and purple. The flowers had all the colours together but it really was such a bright and cheery bridal party.

Unfortunately I agree that the bride should have the last say, seeing as it's really the bride and groom's day afterall.

However, for my wedding, I did make sure my bridesmaids (2 sisters and SIL) were happy with the dress (seeing as they paid for it), and I chose colours and styles that did actually look good on all 3 of them. I just thought that was the nice thing to do.

But, not all brides think like that!! My sister was a bridesmaid and the dress was so bad. She was made to wear a tight, light coloured dress which looked so yuck - and she's not a small girl - every buldge and roll was on display for the whole workd to see!!! It only looked good on one girl.. who had no fat on her at all!!

LOL sorry for the tangent.... im bored at work

[Kat Stokes]

Good news! We (sis & I) found something we both like and I will even be able to wear it again on our cruise next year. And it's b/w!!!! No lavender!!! YAY!!! After she saw the lavender on me she decided I was right and it is not my color. Here's the dress...

[Traci Reed]

Is that dress Jessica McClintock? I bought it for a prom one year It's vry pretty!

[tracey]

Very Pretty Kat! I am sure you will look fab!! Glad you guys came to an agreement!

[ajf9597]

That dress is gorgeous!!!

[Kat Stokes]

Thanks guys! No, Trac, it's not a Jessica but I'm not sure of the maker. Heck, I was happy that it's only costing $95!!! And, I think the b/w is going to be much more elegant with just the lavender flowers and decorations.

[donnelsl]

Congrats on finding a dress you're all happy with (and that you might be able to use again)!

When I was married in September 2006 I picked the color and let each girl pick the style they liked the best. Actually, that's not 100% true - I picked a color, and my sister (who was also my Best Lady - she refused to be called "maid" of honor) decided a different color looked better on her and asked me to change It all worked well though, I ended up liking the color she picked better - plus I can use it for leverage when she gets married.

It did work out well though, each girl was able to pick a dress they were comfortable and felt good in.




I've seen lots of wedding though where the maid of honor's dress is a different color or shade than the bridesmaids' dresses.

[Kat Stokes]

Your girls looked great donnels!!! I am soooooo happy with this dress. It's totally not what I had in mind before we went looking but I'm really looking forward to wearing it now!

Now to plan the shower... She's only having about 50 guests at the wedding so its going to be a small shower thank goodness!

Thanks for all of your tips, suggestions, ideas and comments. They are very much appreciated!

[MikkelPaige]

Glad to hear you came to an agreement! And fabulous you'll be able to wear it again!

[Joan]

The dress is gorgeous! I'm so happy you got to work it out and get something you'll be happy in and can wear again.

I've been in 3 bridal parties, and had the 3 hideous dresses that I would never, and could never, wear again to prove it. (All 3 long gone from my wardrobe now!) It's such a wonderful idea to just pick a colour or colour scheme and allow each bridesmaid to pick a dress they love and will be comfortable in. How many weddings have we all been at where you see one or most of the bridal party crammed into something they never should be wearing, looking uncomfortable and awkward and wishing they could shrink out of view. It's so unfair and doesn't make for a good experience or memories for all involved imo.

I do agree it's ultimately about pleasing the bride, as it's her day. However, I often think they could use a serious reality check, and that they'd actually come to appreciate it when looking back on things in the years to come.

I tried to keep my wedding casual, and told my bridesmaids to get a black dress that they like. Even though I was fairly laid back, though, I look back at little things I got really hung up on at the time and they're so silly to me now. Nothing major, thank goodness, but it needs to be about enjoying the day and having fun, and if everyone is doing that, you'll have memories and photos you'll cherish forever, no matter what everyone is wearing!

[cheltzey]

My sister has that same dress, but the option with sleeves! It's very pretty, and you'll definitely get to wear it again. Good compromise.

My sister just got married, and all she asked was that we wear red. I love when brides do that, since everyone can pick out a dress and shade that is flattering to them, and the monochromatic scheme looks great in photos. I didn't even have "bridesmaids" at my wedding since I didn't want to deal with it and it just feels weird asking someone to spend $100s on a dress for ME. I say to heck with tradition and do what makes you happy!