Breaking Point

[Jengerbread88]

It's been a rough day. I was already 2 hours behind on homework due to some technical issues, when I get a text from my son's father, saying he would like to meet me on Friday. I asked why, and he said "Several things, plus I'll give you the money I owe you, if you bring my stuff." (Some DVDs he pirated and a couple of CDs).
I said "I'll meet you. Please clarify what you mean by 'several things.'" This goes on for three or four texts with him still refusing to tell me, and I said "I just need to know if I need to be bringing anyone with me, or contacting my lawyer to arrange a meeting between us." He then went off, and said that he wouldn't meet with me, something about my friends being right about me, and calling me bipolar and a whole slew of other things, and I "better never hope he proves how bipolar I am to the courts," and that "for Zach's Sake" I "better get those mental issues fixed."

First off, I'm not bipolar. I've never had issues with bipolar disorder. And, due to FAMILY situations, I've been in counseling most of my life- none of them have EVER considered me to be bipolar. It's not something I am dealing with.

Well, now it's getting to threats of him trying to get my son taken away. He's made it clear he doesn't want Zach or anything to do with him, but the easiest way to hurt me is to get Zach taken away- he KNOWS Zach is my entire world, and that I'd do anything for this child. He keeps making veiled threats about me not being a fit parent, and "God help you if I ever prove it."

I mean, my stuff is in order. I have a clean, safe house for Zach to live in, I've already gotten on the waiting list for Parents As Teachers (Zach isn't due until July), and I've already started looking into playgroups and single parent groups to get Zach involved with others and socialized. I have all sorts of considerations made for Zach. I am able to provide for him financially. I have others to help me take care of him for school, so he will never be left in a situation where he isn't cared for.

His father, on the other hand... rents 1 bedroom from a couple, is deep in debt, is about to get evicted, doesn't have stable income, has a very admitted history of alcoholism and drug use, and sells drugs.

It's very clear that he ISN'T going to get parent of the year. But that doesn't mean he's not trying to get Zach away from me.

I'm so stressed right now. I'm behind on this homework. I can't stop crying. And to help, I'm now having bad contractions again. I'm only 26 weeks, so I CANNOT have this baby yet.

I'm trying really hard to calm down, because I know the stress is really bad for Zach, but right now, I seriously don't even know what to do. This is the third time since our breakup 6 weeks ago that he has done something to start stuff and get me upset. Twice it's landed me in the triage unit with contractions; it's starting to seem like his intent is, if not to get Zach taken away, to make me lose him before I can even have him.

I just don't know what to do. I have so much on my plate right now, between school, and two of my aunts being on their deathbed right now (one had family called back last night to say goodbyes), and everything else... I just can't deal with him, too.

[nun69]

Originally Posted by Jengerbread88

I just can't deal with him, too.

so DON'T....until the baby gets here, just don't deal with him....tell him if he needs something from you to contact your lawyer...end of story...I know this is hard, but you have yourself and the baby to worry about right now...the rest of it will work itself out....and as far as him trying to declare you an unfit mother, I think it is alot involved and actually pretty hard to prove, so don't stress on that aspect just take care of you and Zach and school for now~

[newfiemountiewife]

Originally Posted by nun69

so DON'T....until the baby gets here, just don't deal with him....tell him if he needs something from you to contact your lawyer...end of story...I know this is hard, but you have yourself and the baby to worry about right now...the rest of it will work itself out....and as far as him trying to declare you an unfit mother, I think it is alot involved and actually pretty hard to prove, so don't stress on that aspect just take care of you and Zach and school for now~

What she said.

And courts tend NOT to take babies/kids away from their mothers unless the situation is seriously messed up with her...which I just don't see from what I read (DH is a cop...I know how this works). I know it's hard, but try not to worry about that!

[Darcy Baldwin]

He's also just saying it because he knows it gets to you. I agree with Angie - everything through a lawyer from this point on. Don't even talk to him. If you can, give him back his stuff through a courier he has to sign for, or through his attorney, and leave it at that. Don't hold on to it so he has no reason to keep bugging you for it.

[meganmecrazy]

EXACTLY what they are all saying!! Sorry your dealing with all of this.

[lauren grier]

they all say that crap ;] believe you me.. it's a power thing rather than actual intent. for now, simply don't deal with him. there's no reason to. once the baby is born visitation etc will have to happen but keep your contact with him to the bare minimum and don't worry about it. he doesnt have any grounds to have your unborn child taken away from you based on your post.. it's just hot air.

[Paula]

I know it's hard, but ignore him! You have enough to deal with, you don't need this and you can control whether you deal with him or not. Just kick his butt to the curb and take care of the real people that matter - you and the baby.

[jovi_girl]

Totally agree. Don't talk to him. If he calls don't answer it. If he messages u, ignore it. If he comes to your house have someone tell him your not home. In my experience, men like this are all talk and will continue on if they think they're getting at you. If he really needs to speak with you, then do it thru a lawyer.

U just need to cut him off and focus on yourself. He's not worth the drama!

[Jengerbread88]

My dad is a cop, so he has just given me advice, too.

La, I realize that I may have to deal with visitation, etc, but in his last text to me, he said "I don't even believe he's mine," (Zach is 100% his, because I haven't been active with ANYONE else anywhere CLOSE to that time, but... whatever). Anyway, he has so far made it clear he doesn't even want to know when Zach arrives, let alone see him... so I don't know whether or not there will be visitation. And for him to get visitation in Kansas, it puts him in a position where he is accepting Zach is his, and therefore accepting the possibility that he may have to pay child support. He isn't too fond of paying child support on another kid, so I don't see him even trying to see Zach... but, that's just my thought on it.

Thanks for the support and advice, ladies. It helps.

[nun69]

honey we will always be here when you need us ♥♥♥

[Jengerbread88]

Originally Posted by nun69

honey we will always be here when you need us ♥♥♥

This is why I love SSD more than almost anything.

[Milmomma]

Dittoing the drop him like its hotttt. I would say block his number so he can't even stress you, leave him with your email or something. So you can deal with him on your terms and on your time. He is not important enough to mess with you and the baby. Just worry about you. If he's like you say and coming from KC, I understand the Kansas Laws, he won't want to know the kid just wants to get to you. When you stop letting him get to you, he will leave as the game is not fun anymore. :/

[Ginger_79]

So sorry you have to go through that! I agree with anyone to ignore him completely. Also, knowing how most women work, make it impossible for yourself to be in contact. Block numbers, emails everything. Just leave him your laywers details. Tell your friends and family to not forward anything from him. To not even tell you when he tried. Tell them to stick with this, even if you change your mind later and ask them. Tell them, about the contractions and that they need to help you protecting yourself until the baby is born.

[Jengerbread88]

Wow. I had this awesome friend who promised to be there for me through everything, and then the day before yesterday, he sent me a goodnight message like normal. Then, he hasn't texted or responded to texts since then. So, one of my main forms of support (I go to school with him, and was going to ask him for backup if Kyle tried anything while I was at school), is completely gone. I texted him this morning about my aunt passing away in the morning, and their fears that the other won't make it til afternoon, and still nothing.

Not hearing from him for 30+ hours is unusual... it hurts not having the support I thought I'd have.

[adrianka]

Originally Posted by Jengerbread88

Wow. I had this awesome friend who promised to be there for me through everything, and then the day before yesterday, he sent me a goodnight message like normal. Then, he hasn't texted or responded to texts since then. So, one of my main forms of support (I go to school with him, and was going to ask him for backup if Kyle tried anything while I was at school), is completely gone. I texted him this morning about my aunt passing away in the morning, and their fears that the other won't make it til afternoon, and still nothing.

Not hearing from him for 30+ hours is unusual... it hurts not having the support I thought I'd have.

You see, people can get ill / have their cell phones broken or stolen / feel like not communicating for whatever reason etc. This may mean nothing.

[lovely1m]

Most men do this kind of crap. Its a power struggle. Believe me, my ex likes to pull that crap, too. I know he would never get custody, nor would he want custody, its just a way of hurting us. Be careful getting too stressed out, I had pre-term labor also, its scary, you have to keep yourself as stress free as possible. Stop talking to him, period. Once Zach is born, you can let him know and let him decide if he wants to be a part of his life.

[Jengerbread88]

Originally Posted by adrianka

You see, people can get ill / have their cell phones broken or stolen / feel like not communicating for whatever reason etc. This may mean nothing.

Yes, these things can happen. But having a personal history with someone, and knowing that in the past 2 years, the only time they've ever dropped contact without warning, something REALLY bad happened to them, doesn't make me any less worrysome. It makes me believe that something truly bad happened to cause him not to respond at all. His phone isn't broken- it's turned on currently, or it would go straight to voice mail the time that I called. And when my friend hasn't felt like communicating, or even gotten ill to the point of hospitalization, he has still sent a message letting me know the situation beforehand. So yes, it could mean nothing, but with my personal history with him, I know better than to just sit and believe it's nothing.

[Chels85]

Just ignore him and just focus on you and Zach, don't let him pull you down.