Help with my DS!

[mlrw70]

Okay DS is 5 and he is a great, sweet, and amazing little guy. I love him so much. But seriously, he is getting in trouble at school EVERY day! He can't/won't just stop talking. He talks back all the time! Most of the time it isn't in a snotty way, just a "have to have the last word" way. I've been working with his teacher and we are doing a short-term and long-term reward thing. He gets 5 pom-poms to keep during the day and when he talks back he loses one. If he can keep at least one he gets a check mark on a chart at home to earn a "big" prize - (Chuck E. Cheese).
But it doesn't seem to be working, and I am at a loss. Any suggestions ladies

[k23m]

thats tough. Is there something you can take away from him if he looses all his pompoms, (keep the reward too, if he is good)...but maybe he needs to see a consequence instead?

[rach3975]

I know how frustrating it is! My kindergarten DS was getting into trouble at school, too, and for months nothing we tried worked. Finally he just seemed to get over it and has been doing well for the last month or so, but with his issues I know we're not really done with the problems, just taking a break from them.

The one suggestion I have is maybe to make it easier for now so that he can have success. If he feels like he's trying hard but he still can't earn the reward, he may start to give up. Maybe it's worth upping his number of pom poms for a while, then when he starts to "get it" you can remove 1 every few weeks until he has whatever number you think is reasonable. Of course, that only works if he really is trying and just can't get to the goal. It's harder if the system just isn't motivating to him at all, which is one of the problems we had with my DS for a while.

[scrappurple]

I don't have any new suggestions, but stay consistent! Kids need boundaries, even if they want to cross them. If he knows mom and teacher don't budge, it will pay off years from now when he is older.

[mlrw70]

Thanks for the help ladies. He had a great day today and was so proud of himself.

[MissKim]

I wonder if he needs a reward that's a little more immediate. Maybe instead of taking away the pom poms, he needs to be given something that's a reward for him. Even if it's just a silent thumbs up kind of thing, a school day is a long time for a kindergartener to work for a reward, and then to only have the reward be a check mark that builds to a larger reward... that's really abstract for a five year old. I'd talk to the teacher about more immediate rewards at first. (I have been known to silently slip a child a skittle or marshmallow, for example, to reward them without calling a lot of attention to it.)

[MnMommy2]

Does he get any consequences at school besides taking away a pom pom?
Are the teachers praising him when he makes good choices as well?

[lovely1m]

My 5 year old is having problems at daycare lately, too. He has started throwing fits a couple of months ago, I think I know why he is doing it, but there is nothing we can do about that. Now its just to get him to stop doing it. Right now we have a sticker chart at school he is using to earn a big reward (a birthday party for his beloved stuffed dog), but his teacher said its hard cause if he throws a fit at 8am, what's the benefit of behaving the rest of the day? I have been taking away TV time, iPad time and his stuffed dog at home the nights he is throwing the fits. I hate taking away his security item, but its really the one thing that seems to sink in that he is being punished by. The days he is good, we are trying to do lots of high 5s and I am so proud of yous, etc. I also make a big deal of it that night. Like tonight, he got a Shamrock Shake cause he had a good day (really, I just wanted one, but it worked out..lol) and we played a game and watched a movie. Then I explain to him on how the good days, he gets to do fun things and the bad days, he doesn't get to have the same kind of fun. Its hard though.