help.. need some creative punishment ideas :p

[lauren grier]

it seems little mr ce didn't learn that being picked on/bullied Sucks. There were 2 kids that were pretty awful to him since the start of school- 1 moved away a couple weeks ago- and im secretly VERY grateful for that- and the 2nd one turned out to be a weird emotional boy who actually adores ce & they're friends now.
apparently however.. removing the bullies from ce's life.. means that he decided it's ok to turn around and be truly mean to a little girl in his class. Not.Cool. ESP since she's a girl (in my eyes. you can disagree with that if you want, LOL but i am of thought that little boys need to learn early on to treat little girls extra nicely )..
anyway. . Ce is painfully honest, so he tells me the meanness he does to her. Nothing has crossed the line totally like nothing physical or outright cruelty- but he's still being mean and rude and snotty. The girl is... strong willed, and thinks she's always right, bossy little thing LOL... but that doesn't give ce the right to be mean to her (he's gotten his little friends in a group to tell her they hate her, and he purposely like tries to annoy her by giving things to everyone else first, and telling her to be quiet every time she talks, or whispering to everyone else at the table that they're ignoring her today etc.) I've told him to leave her alone, if he doesn't like her fine, but you need to not be mean to people. You treat everyone how you want to be treated blah blah blah.
but he continues. and continues to confess.. (lol). SO I told him that I think his punishment should be MAKING him do something nice for her.. but I dunno. I don't really know how to get the message across to him that he just can't be mean to people. He KNOWS what it's like to get teased and HIT and all sorts of other things.. Having your friends group up and tell a girl they hate her is just as hurtful.
so i need some input.......I told him I'd be asking all my friends what they thought too So this is part of it.

[lovely1m]

I don't have a child enough to be dealing with this, but I remember on one of those cheesy 1980s show, probably Full House, but they had to invite that person over and be nice to them. lol

[aggiefamily]

You know I wonder if he is intimidated by her. Maybe he is putting on an act towards her because he is a little scared of her. Of course that doesn't make it right at all!

In all of my experiences with bullies they were being bullies because of the insecurities they felt. Maybe see if you can pull the reasons why he is doing this out of him. He might have gotten a little taste of power and likes it.

I think that encouraging him to be nice is a good start.

[aggiefamily]

Kinda dorky but here is something
http://www.stopbullyingnow.hrsa.gov/kids/

[jessica31876]

Well the first thing I would do is ask him why he is doing it and go from there. I think its great he comes to you and tells you what he is doing. It will allow good conversations on bullying.

[lauren grier]

i know why he's doing it.. it's the behavioral traits (lol) i listed about the girl in the op.. He just plain old doesn't like that she tries to tell him what to do... basically. I think it really IS a power type thing.


i think cheesy websites are fantastic lesson makers lol ty

[Julie Billingsley]

not one of my proudest mom memories, but Jacob did that too in 5th grade. He had started getting bullied and knew how bad it made him feel. It made him see "his place" in the food chain, so he started being mean to kids less popular than he was, in basically an effort to not be at the bottom of the chain anymore. It all came to a big deal one day when he picked on a little Russian girl that had recently moved to the United States. He was a jerk and made fun of her accent and threw a basketball at her. The teacher called and told me and assigned Jacob to write her a page long note apologizing. I didn't think that was enough and I don't allow bigotry in my boys, so I made him research Russia and write a paper on "cool things about Russia". But... Jacob was like 11 years old, so that punishment is above Ce's level. I'll keep thinking though.

[Sharon Kay]

Does the teacher know it is happening? Maybe ask her what she thinks would work.

Mine are usually the ones picked on ... so can't help you there.

[scrapperjade]

I'm not an expert by any means, so take this with a grain of salt. But I have to wonder what the little girls parents must think. I can almost guarantee she goes home and tells them about this "mean boy" at school who gangs up on her and tells her he hates her. If I were her parents, I would be LIVID.

Personally, if I knew my son (or daughter in my case) was bullying another kid at school, I'd be phoning the other parents and telling them personally that I was very sorry about it, and I was doing my best to curb the behavior. At least that way they know that you are taking action to stop it, you know? Most parents won't admit that their kid is a bully, so to tell them that *you* know it's a problem will probably help a lot.

I'd also make my kid write an apology letter to BOTH the little girl along with her parents.

[emmasmommy]

I'm with Jae. I'd be making my child write an apology to both the parents of the little girl and the little girl. It sucks to be bullied and while it sucks for the kid, it sucks for the parent just as much. He knows what i's like to be bullied and having to answer to a parent (other than his own) is torture enough for my kids.

[KyRainbow]

I agree with Laura and Jae. But before the letters of apology, I'd have him make a list of how HE felt when he was being bullied, this might help him to be more "sincere" in his apology if he puts himself back into her shoes based on his own experiences, and remembers how it felt.

It sounds like this little girl is just one of those people in life who push our buttons, and she's pushing Ce's. I would also suggest maybe talking to the teacher and asking her to do some seat switching so that they're not at the same table very often, and ask her to keep an eye on the situation. She can also help by clamping down on this little girl's bossy tendencies.

[lauren grier]

i don't know any of the other parents ^_^

The teachers are aware of the bossy problems-- I dunno if you guys remember, but when I was having the food snack issue-- that was THIS little girl.. So they're well aware that they um, butt heads .. a lot. She def pushes his buttons- and he feeds into it causing this messy cycle... but as I learned with ce's issues with the mean kids- they don't really do much of anything to get involved/stop what's going on.

Thanks for the suggestions girls :]

[Brandy]

I have no clue because Owen hasn't been in either situation (and I'm dreading that it can happen). But some of the ideas they listed sound like great ones.

[Chantal Miller]

I like the idea of doing something nice for her... even once a week. also the idea of reminding him what it feels like.

The thing you have to remember La, is that bullying by its very nature is picking on the weaker. (Less popular, smaller, less money). This girl seems to be holding her own and give as good as she gets. I would say that he is trying to assert himself snd not allow her to have power over him. Maybe also explain that by behaving out of charactar, he still allowing to have power over him, just a different kind of power. and that getting his friends involved makes his behaviour even worse.

I also tend to agree with your earlier statement that boys SHOULD BE TAUGHT how to treat girls early on. Niki had a similar problem with boys teasing her. DH tried to explain that this is how boys behave when they haven't yet figured out that they like the girl. I was appalled... How can you tell a 10 year old that when a boy likes you, thats how he treats you

[kelseyll]

I'm sorry you are having to deal with bullying. It isn't fun! Being a teacher and parent I see it from both sides and sometime you DO just get a mix of kids that will never get along!

As a teacher, I do NOT tolerate unkind behavior. I understand not all personalities work together and do make accommodations in seat assignments, project partners, etc. to help alleviate potential problems, but there is a limit to what teachers can do. There are only so many corners in a room! Part of this is a learning experience too and it is just a fact of life that you have to learn how to work with those you don't care for sometimes. They have to do their part to make the situation work. If he is doing this for "sport" it needs to be nipped in the bud. He is no longer on the "defensive" side.

As a parent, I also do NOT tolerate being inconsiderate to others and I have to say I'm really surprised that he comes home and tells all. Usually it is a one-sided (their fault) account, so it is good that he is being honest with you. That tells me you have a good relationship with him and he is looking to you to see what your reaction is....which means he cares what you think! That is to your advantage!

I would look into privileges being taken away starting small and increasing if his behavior doesn't turn around. Yes, I can see the reasoning behind an apology letter, but there needs to be more. If the expectation is that he is to treat others with respect and he is disobeying you on that, then I would be stepping in with consequences. My message to my daughter is that I love her unconditionally, but don't always love the choices she makes. She knows our rules and if she breaks them she will have consequences. I remind her that her actions, whether I am with her or not, dictate my ability to trust and respect her. If she earns my respect then she will have more privileges and I would rather praise her for accomplishments and work from the positive side. Most kids want to please you and it kills them to know they have disappointed you especially if you have the final say on what they get to do and don't. If he were my son I would make it very clear what the behavior expectation is and any further incidents caused by him will be considered direct disobedience to ME. It won't just be about the other girl....you are now being disrespectful to your MOM, which could mean serious consequences. Tough LOVE, baby!!!

Start reinforcing behavior that you like in him while discouraging this other he has started. He needs to realize that it feels better to do things right and be praised for that then be in the wrong and watch others suffer. He shouldn't be coming home with pride to tell you about the negative things he did. His pride should be about positive accomplishments. That is what I'd be focusing on. You don't want him to lose his ability to be empathetic towards others and their feelings. That will be a BIG problem down the road!

[lauren grier]

thank you girls <3 I agree (well with you both) I think this is DEF part of.. growing up and learning to deal with people etc. I don't want to swoop in and mother hen (Thus why I've been telling him to suck it up and learn to accept the girl in the first place) but him turning around and being mean is not acceptable. I do think she's holding her own like you said chantal-- this is def so ce doesn't feel like the bullied again in the situation imo-- still not acceptable.

We actually have a "naughty jar" .. we do a token society type of behavioral - crap lost my train of thought mid sentence.. LOL .. anyway, we have a jar with infractions- I think I'm def going to add being mean to chickie onto it- his bucket of change is his most prized possession.. I'm still trying to think of nice things he can do for her... Him writing a letter is- kind of out of the question atm, as his writing skills/motor skills are something we're really working on and it would be a long torturous event (lol for me too)... but maybe alittle picture with I'm sorry for being mean. Or something written on it would be sufficient.
and cookies.. LOL I jokingly told him I was going to make him bake her cookies. This is so MY love language.. LOL I love you, I bake you stuff. ^_^