Update on my husband...pretty good news

[jessica31876]

I have not gotten around to updating my blog with what has happened yet but wanted to share with everyone here because ya'll have been so supportive!!

He got all tubes taken out except the trach tube and his IV. He can eat and talk now. He cannot drink yet which is kinda weird cause I would think swallowing solids is harder then swallowing liquids but I guess not always. So all liquids have to have a thickening agent added. Like milk and juice Seriously nasty!! It has to be the consistency of pudding. He has orders to be transferred to a longer term care place. It is a rehabilitation wing of the hospital system he is in (ORMC, Arnold Palmer, Winnie Palmer, MD Anderson and Lucerne are all part of it.) He is going to go to Lucerne. That may happen as soon as tomorrow. So yay! One step closer to going home.

He does know about Matthew now. It was SOOO hard to tell him. The words just would not come out. And it was not how I wanted to tell him. I came in the hospital after going to get him p.j.'s last night and he was crying. I have NEVER seen him cry so I automatically thought he knew about Matt. I asked him what was wrong and he said "They told me" I was like who told you? And then I thought he said about Matt. But it was something about going home. So I was like they told you about Matt? Then he got this puzzled look on his face and said what is wrong with Matt? At that point I knew I had to tell him. So it took some time but I managed to tell him and he took it really hard. It was so upsetting to see him that upset though. But the really hard part was over and now he can start grieving.

He got upset with me today though and told me I should have never waited to tell him and why didn't I tell him the first day. Made me feel truly awful. I started crying and he said he was sorry he didn't mean it. I don't know if he did. I guess it is normal to question why I did not tell him sooner. I explained that I talked to a couple doctors, nurses, the chaplain and a counseler and they all told me to wait until I knew he was ready or until he started asking about him. So he said I guess that makes sense. Regardless of that though I still feel guilty about not telling him before this.

Oh and we found out there is something weird going on with his eyes. He cannot open his right eye all the way and his pupils are kinda funky. One is bigger then the other. The attending physician has referred him to an opthamologist (sp?) and possibly a neurologist. If you cover his left eye and hold up fingers and ask him how many like if you hold up 2 he will say 1. Not the same for the left eye. The doctors did not even notice it. I pointed it out and asked why it was and they were like huh I didnt notice that before. So they did yet another CT scan of his head and neck area to compare to the last one I guess to see if there is something going on but the dr mentioned the tubes he had in to drain the blood off the lungs could cause nerve damage that can effect the eyes. So that truly sucks. Im not sure if it will reverse itself or if it is a common problem.

So while there was some really sucky news through the last days and hard times too overall I am so thrilled with his recovery I can deal with the bad.

[origami]

I can't even imagine, but now hopefully the long process of healing spiritually from this loss can begin.

[cardinalskate]

I am so happy he's doing so well! I can't imagine how hard it was to tell him, but I'm sure you're relieved it's over. You're always in my thoughts, hun.

[emmasmommy]

oh jess, i was crying for you just reading that. i can't even imagine! hopefully you guys are on the upswing now!

[scrap2day]

So heartbreaking. But I knew this day would be for you.

I'm so happy to hear that your husband is making such progress physically and that he can eat. I hope that they are able to fix the eye issue.

You all continue to be in my thoughts and prayers.

[Melissa Bennett]

I am sorry you had to finally tell him and I can only imagine how difficult that was, but now you both can grieve together. That is wonderful news about his progress. I will continue to keep ya'll in my prayers.

[DawnMarch]

Oh, Jessica, that must have been so hard to tell him, but you definitely shouldn't feel guilty about not telling him sooner. It wasn't like you wanted to keep it from him -- all the doctors had basically told you that it could jeopardize your husband's health to tell him. I think he is just in all sorts of pain -- now both emotionally and physically -- and lashing out is probably a normal reaction. You are both dealing with so much and I'm amazed at how well you have held up so far. Hopefully, with your husband getting better, you won't have to continue to carry all of this heavy load alone.

[MandaT]

Still praying for you & your family. ((hugs))

[rach3975]

I'm so glad he's doing well and making steps toward going home! I can't imagine how hard telling him about Matt was, but at least you can stop dreading it and grieve together. As for not telling him sooner, go easy on yourself. You were dealing with so much, and you did what made sense to you and the people who advised you. That's the best anyone can do.

[heathergw]

Oh Jessica... I can't even begin to imagine (((HUGS))) so glad things seem to be on the upswing and he's getting further in his recovery!

[g8rbeckie]

still thinking of you all the time (((hugs))). I'm so glad you got some good news about Johnny's recovery - you're way overdue for a little bit of good. Keep hanging in there!

[nun69]

still praying for you {{{HUGS}}}

[kscwgirl]

hugs honey, you are constantly in my thoughts. I'm glad he's improving, and at least he knows now so you can begin the healing process together. much love.

[newfiemountiewife]

Originally Posted by DawnMarch

Oh, Jessica, that must have been so hard to tell him, but you definitely shouldn't feel guilty about not telling him sooner. It wasn't like you wanted to keep it from him -- all the doctors had basically told you that it could jeopardize your husband's health to tell him. I think he is just in all sorts of pain -- now both emotionally and physically -- and lashing out is probably a normal reaction. You are both dealing with so much and I'm amazed at how well you have held up so far. Hopefully, with your husband getting better, you won't have to continue to carry all of this heavy load alone.

I agree with everything Dawn said. I am glad to hear he's progressing, I am sure he'll improve daily over time! ((hugs))

[Tracie Stroud]

HUGS Jessica! I can't imagine how difficult this has been for you. You definitely did the right thing, and I'm sure it's normal for him to feel hurt about it. I know it will help though for both of you to be able to grieve together.

[abm234]

I imagine that you feel a sense of relief now that he knows. Thinking of you often!

[AmyG]

So glad to hear he'll be headed to the rehab hospital and can start working on getting home to you and your family. How heartbreaking to have to tell him but you can grieve together now. I'm still praying for you guys.

[TheHybridMess]

So glad to here how well he's recovery is coming along. I cannot imagine the strength it took tell about Matt. Lots of hugs and well wishes.

[Julie Billingsley]

hugs Jessica! I've been following your blog and just want you to know that your family is still in our hearts and I think of you often.

I'm sure you are hurt that your husband was upset about the information about Matthew being delayed. But remember that you did your best to wait until he was physically ready to know. You didn't want him to have a setback during those fragile hours that he had. It is too bad the info about Matthew came out the way it did, but well, there probably wouldn't be a "perfect" way to tell him anyway. It's a sad and heart wrenching situation no matter when it was told to him.

Have you already had Matthew's funeral? I missed seeing if you had and was wondering if you were waiting for your husband to be able to go.

Hope the vision problem is able to be solved soon. I'm so glad you were able to figure it out and tell the doctors. Why didn't they notice that?! It's good John has you to watch out for him.

I know this is a stupid question, because I'm sure the answer is "awful", but how are the kids? Especially Nickolas has been on my mind. The reason he is on my mind is that when my husband was 20 years old, his 17 year old middle sister was murdered. It really tore everyone up, but especially my husband's youngest 14 year old sister. That age is so hard already and then losing a sibling too. So Nickolas has been on my mind. Hope he and Crystal are doing okay.

Many hugs to you Jessica, I'm thinking of you.

[jessica31876]

Julie I think one of the reasons they did not notice about his eyes is he is asleep alot when they come to see him because it is so early in the morning. They have done several CT scans though so they told me his brain seems normal. I am here with him the most and I know what he was like before the accident. I did not actually notice it at first either and when I did at first I thought he was just drowsy. But then I started looking and noticed his pupils being different sizes. It scared me so I called the nurse right away. She said oh that is probably nothing serious but talk to the dr when he comes. So I told the doctor in the morning and he looked and said yes you are right there is a noticeable difference in his pupils. Im not sure why I did not notice that before. But I told him well you come so early it is hard to tell whether he is just really tired or if he had an issue. So he got looking at his chart and that is when he told me that info about the tubes to drain the fluid from around his lungs. Waiting for the results of the CT scan again and to see what the dr which came here tonight says.

Nick is doing pretty good. Well as good as can be expected. Once Johnny gets into the new place next door I am going to contact the school to find out about support groups they have there. I know there is one and Id like for him to be in it when school starts and also going to look for a counseler near our house. I do remember when my dad died (only memory I have of my dad actually). He had a heart attack in the middle of the night and my mom said he would be fine and he wasn't. I just remember missing him so much. Still do and heck that was 30 years ago. So I try to be as honest as I can with Nick and want him to have someone outside the house who is trained to deal with it as well as kids his own age who have lived with what he is dealing with as well to talk to and share with.

Crystal started her CVS job today. had a bunch of orientation tests as well as the start of the pharmacy tech tests. She had some issues with the orientation tests and missing a question on the test. They want you to get 100% on each test before you can move on so she had to keep retaking it.But she is pretty much thrilled to be moving on from Mcdonalds. We are too

[julia]

I'm thinking of you and your family Jessica. So glad he is getting better! *hugs*

[sprauncey1]

Oh yay for good news.
You did the right thing about not telling him at first. He's just angry with God/the situation, not you. He now is strong enough to be angry KWIM?

Still sending prayers your way, whenever I start to complain about my day...I think of you and shut up!

[Keely~B]

Thanks for the update Jessica, I've been keeping you all in my thoughts. I'm glad that things are looking a bit brighter for you.

[Laurarae13]

Don't worry he will eventually understand why you waited to tell him about Matt. He is still in shock, angry and lashing out which is understandable. I bet you are relieved though now that he knows and you don't have to "lie" anymore. So glad that he keeps improving everyday. Sounds like a good plan to find your other son a support group/counseling. I'll keep my fingers crossed for your daughter and her tests. I'm sure your are happy she has something positive to focus on during this difficult time.

[HeatherB]

I can't imagine how hard things have been for you Jessica. Hugs and at least the 2 of you can now grieve together. I pray for continued healing for your dh and for your whole family.

[4noisyboys]

I'm so thrilled there is a postive update Jessica. I don't think there is a good or right time to have told him about Matthew though. I'm just glad it was you that told him, and not one of his family members. You're right...now he can go through the grieving process and you two can grieve together as well. You've been having to deal with everything all by yourself...Matthew, your husband, your other children and helping them, his awful family...

I think of you everyday Jessica.

[Davita]

Jessica, I am happy that your dh is continuing to make such good progress. Every day is one day closer to coming home. I agree that there was no perfect time to tell him but you know him better than anyone and I believe that your time was the exact right time.

I read your blog with every new update. You are always in my thoughts and prayers.

[sczos911]

oh jessica. my heart still aches for all you have been through and have yet to go through. my thoughts and prayers are stillw ith you.