SAHMs - how much does DH help you with the kids?

[Kara]

If you're a SAHM, how much does your DH help you with the kids when he's home from work?

Just curious.

[mummytothree]

My hubby is the BIGGEST help!!! Our oldest has to get up at 5:545AM and the 2 youngest boys are early risers (between 5:30 and 6AM) and he gets up with them every morning!! He cooks breakfast every morning (and not just cold cereal...we have a hot breakfast every day...eggs, waffles, pancakes, oatmeal, french toast, sausage, bacon ect..). Every weekend (either Sat or Sunday) I get to leave the house for as long as I want. I do our weekly grocery shopping and then I hit all my favorite stores!! Most weeks I get a night "out".....meaning when he gets home from work (between 5 and 6:30PM) I get to leave and have a break and he bathes everyone and puts them to bed!!!

He has always been a hands on dad and has never shied away from doing stuff with/for the kids!!! I count myself as on of the luckiest ladies int he world!!

[Darcy Baldwin]

Now it's not an issue as the boys are old enough to take care of themselves, but when they were younger, I was REALLY blessed in that Russ helped out TONS! Beyond tons.

[Freckles]

I can't complain. He helps when he can and in the weekends he plays with them or takes them with him when he's working in the garden, they love that. I usually bathe them and put them in bed but he'll spontanuously offer to take one of the kids for his account now and then. Whenever I'm away - half a day, a day or an evening - I know they're in good hands and he takes good care of them!

[emmasmommy]

if i want help, i have to ask...and that to me is pretty pointless. it's easier to do it myself. granted he works 12 hours a day normally, so i'm not dogging him. it's also how he was raised (and i was too).

[nikkiARNGwife]

Not much..he'll help if I ask him to but mostly I do everything.

[joelsgirl]

I'm gonna say not much. He interacts with the boys so much more as they get older, but in general, I'm pretty responsible for children and their care.

And totally jealous of Elizabeth. ; )

[Kara]

I have to say that I'm pretty jealous of Elizabeth, too!

[MamaBee]

My hubby is pretty good at helping out with J... when he is home, he pretty much takes over. Every night he puts Jake to bed - that is their special time together... and on the weekends, he will get J dressed and pretty much takes care of what j needs - but on weekends, I become invisible because Daddy is home to begin with... I can't complain on how much Davie does around here - not just with J.

[pomi]

My DH helps a lot, too. I do the majority of the household stuff, but he loves to be with the kids when he's home and he's here for them all the time. He also obviously needs less sleep than me so he don't have problems with staying up early with them (that't the biggest help for me).

[sm3wkl]

I would have to say not much. During the week I'm in charge of getting ready for school, homework, etc. If I need him to do something or to be home to help get the boys somewhere he will do it, if he can.

[ZaCola3]

Originally Posted by mummytothree

My hubby is the BIGGEST help!!! Our oldest has to get up at 5:545AM and the 2 youngest boys are early risers (between 5:30 and 6AM) and he gets up with them every morning!! He cooks breakfast every morning (and not just cold cereal...we have a hot breakfast every day...eggs, waffles, pancakes, oatmeal, french toast, sausage, bacon ect..). Every weekend (either Sat or Sunday) I get to leave the house for as long as I want. I do our weekly grocery shopping and then I hit all my favorite stores!! Most weeks I get a night "out".....meaning when he gets home from work (between 5 and 6:30PM) I get to leave and have a break and he bathes everyone and puts them to bed!!!

He has always been a hands on dad and has never shied away from doing stuff with/for the kids!!! I count myself as on of the luckiest ladies int he world!!

This post makes me happy-my husband and I both work-different shifts but he is hands on as well...Yay for your hubby!

[Jenn Barrette]

Dave is huge help with the kids. He does breakfast most mornings, and does the whole bedtime routine every night. Basically if he is home...he is the one dealing with the kids. When they were babies, he was the one getting up in the night with them. He also does the laundry and most of the dishes. I think I will keep him

[emmasmommy]

this threads always make me so jelly :/

[Lyd]

Brett helps with the kids quite a bit. There are times when I wonder where he disappeared to, but for the most part, he's very present and helpful.

[pewtertm]

Originally Posted by emmasmommy

if i want help, i have to ask...and that to me is pretty pointless. it's easier to do it myself. granted he works 12 hours a day normally, so i'm not dogging him. it's also how he was raised (and i was too).

Pretty much this. It doesn't help that DH works nights either. He DOES help Rachel get dressed for school in the morning if he's home by then...that's about it during the week. For the most part, he's asleep or getting ready for work when she's up.
The weekends are a bit different...sadly she usually asks me for things because she's used to Mommy doing it all, so I try to redirect her to Daddy.

[Stacey42]

Brad is very helpful, always has been. He changed all but one diaper while we were in the hospital after my c-section. He cared for Havoc when I had my appendix out a 11 days later. He cared for 16 month old Havoc & 6 week old Mayhem when I had my gall bladder out. When they were babies he got up with them at 6am & let me sleep 90 more minutes until he had to go to work (I had wicked insomnia). He gave them baths every night. The hour after supper has always been "Daddy time" while I hid out in the bedroom for some alone time. He takes them into town every weekend for lunch. He helps with homework & is teaching them too cook things he makes like pancakes, pork chops & fudge. He has always been a highly involved parent.

But he grew up with a stay at home dad, who also worked part time so he considers it to be normal male behavior.

[LeeAndra]

It's gotten a lot better since he was medicated and switched to second shift.

He will get up in the mornings with her if he doesn't have homework to do for class. He will also run errands with us in the morning and will carry her if she starts to throw a fit or wants to get out and about while we're erranding. He doesn't usually take her out by herself during the week, though, and he is terrible abt remembering to feed the kids when he's watching them. I still don't get that. *lol* Generally speaking, all the basic duties are mine, and he will 'sub out' for me when needed.

I usually get stuck with Monkey duty 24/7 on the weekends we have SS, but tonight, DH *willingly* volunteered to watch both kiddos while I get to go to a concert with a gurlfriend.

[scrapperjade]

Originally Posted by Jenn Barrette

Dave is huge help with the kids. He does breakfast most mornings, and does the whole bedtime routine every night. Basically if he is home...he is the one dealing with the kids. When they were babies, he was the one getting up in the night with them. He also does the laundry and most of the dishes. I think I will keep him

I was going to post, and then read yours, and my DH is EXACTLY the same as yours!

Right now, I'm plunked on the computer, and he's got both girls in the other room, playing "I Spy" with the oldest, & tickling the youngest! Both of them are total Daddy's girls!!

[maryinaz]

My DH has always helped out a lot! He never shied away from a diaper or feeding the boys when they were little - even when it was 2 babies at a time. The first time I left for a day (to go to my first scrapbooking convention here in Mesa!) he put the twins in the double stroller and took all 4 boys to the mall! He got a LOT of attention for that. When the twins were born he took over feeding my oldest breakfast (the only one in school), making his lunch and getting him to school.

I've been a WAHM most of the time since the boys were born, but my schedule is flexible. So I still take care of the doctor/dentist/other appt type of stuff. But if for some reason I couldn't, he certainly would. And of course, as the boys have gotten older, he's taken on more things like coaching their sports teams, taking them to do boy-stuff like fishing, etc.

Oh, and he also helps clean house. It's been almost 22 years, so yeah, I think I'm keeping him.

[kim21673]

Most of the time I have to tell him to do something with them...I don't even ask anymore..I tell. The boys go crazy when he gets home from work and I get so frustrated because he just wants to sit and relax and they want him to play. I understand that he is MENTALLY tired from working all day but I am PHYSICALLY AND MENTALLY tired from the day!!! There are days when I have to come right out and ask him if his "stuff" that he "has to do" can wait until after the boys go to bed b/c he will just disappear in his home office for a while....all the while I am trying to clean up from dinner, play with three boys, etc.....He used to be a much bigger help when I worked evenings...I guess b/c he was forced to have to do things b/c I was gone...but now that I am home he thinks I should do it all.

In his defense I will add that occasionally he helps cook dinner, cleans dishes and he DOES do our laundry (not the boys')...it just seems like the longer we are married the less he does to help.

Sometimes I think how nice it would be to NOT have to remember important dates like doctor checkups or this appt and that....like he never seems to remember.....I feel like my brain is a calendar...always dinging to let me know that we have to be somewhere...

ETA: DH does help put the boys to bed...we take turns....one night he puts the older two to bed and I put the baby to bed...then we switch...

[Misty Cato]

Well DH takes on everything on Saturdays (kids, household chores, meals). During the week he does some; puts one kiddo to bed, makes sure they do their chores, helps with homework or plays with them a bit. The kids don't really need a whole lot between the time he gets home and they go to bed. By the time we have dinner, there is really only 45 minutes or so before they are off to bed.

[jessica31876]

Depends on what it is. COoking he is excellent. Cleaning kinda mediocre. He does not mind a mess. Taking care of the kids daily needs he is pretty much useless in that but they are older so they do it themselves. When they were still in diapers he NEVER changed a diaper. He rarely gave baths. Couldn't handle getting them dressed. He would take them out with him occasionally but never all three at once. I cannot complain though because the stuff I hated doing he would start doing it instead and once the kids were old enough to not need so much one on one care (changing, dressing, bathing, feeding) he did tons of stuff with them.

[kscwgirl]

I can't complain. Jeff works 2 jobs. He does bath time when he is not working nights. He will take one kid with him usually when he is running errands on Sundays or he'll keep one and I take one, etc. When he's home, he's helpful.

[Sarah8914]

a HUGE help. I couldn't ask for more. It helps that the girls just flock to dad when he gets home. They adore him, and he LOVES them. He plays squinkies and princesses with them. He usually ends up putting the girls to bed while I put Elijah down. We take turns bathing them. He helps clean up. He does just about everything he can! Love him!

[NatalieKW]

My hubby is awesome. If he isn't at school or work, he's usually the one taking care of the kids. He cooks about half of the meals around here and does more than half of the cleaning. Oh...and unless I'm in the nursing stage with my kiddos, he's the one that gets up with them. I usually don't even change diapers when he is home. That's a lot of diapers! We have three in diapers right now! He loves to spoil me and he does!

[iScrap]

My DH has always been very hands on with the girls, too. With twins, it's tough because they're screaming babies at the same time. lolol So, we learned early on how to help each other so we could both get some sleep! He works a lot of hours at his job, but if the girls are still up when he gets home, he plays with them, reads to them, etc. Then he collapses and relaxes the rest of the evening. I think it helps him knowing there is quiet time coming, so he pushes through that last hour of playtime before he gets too relaxed on the sofa.

I do all the housework and most of the cooking, but I really enjoy it and love doing it, so I've never asked for much of his help there. I'd rather know where my pots and pans are anyway. lolol

Weekends we do as much as we can as a family, but we also give each other breaks away from the house and kids. Like, I'll go food shopping without the girls and he's home spending some one on one time with them. It only takes me an hour or so without the kids, but it's so energizing! Then he gets a break to catch-up on work or to just do his own hobbies, too. It's good to know what the other needs and to be a team about it. I think we're both scared of what happens once the girls hit their teens at the same time. lolol We need to bond now to fortify ourselves.

[Keely~B]

My DH is awesome, he's been hands on and involved from day one. I think he sets such a good example for my girls. He's always done whatever needs to be done from diaper changes, cooking and grocery shopping, cleaning, playing with them, taking them to the doctor, helping with homework. I really appreciate it too

[ayaandjudah]

I'm not a full on SAHM, I work three days a week.

BUT my hubby is always hands on. Right now he has the two older ones at Tae Kwondo. He has taken all three out a few times so I can get some peace. He helps me in so many ways and is an awesome daddy.

[MommaTrish]

Eh, he's alright. Neither awesome or horrible.

He does get up with all the kids and lets me sleep in most mornings (if I don't have to work) until 7 or so (when him and the boys leave). If I don't have to work and Bella is still sleeping he puts her in bed with me - if it's a rare occasion where she isn't already in our bed - and takes care of all the morning stuff.
He does Cub Scouts with Zach, will be doing it with Ryan next year.
He helps - more like oversees - getting the kids ready for bed and into bed.

And that's about it. lol
He is like super helpful with little babies though.

[nanienamou]

He's a huge help. Let's say that I wouldn't have had 3 kids if he wasn't a hands-on dad! lol!

Now I work outside the home, so we need to adjust, but when I was a SAHM/WAHM, depending on his work hours, he would get up with the kids and make them a hot breakfast, or bathe and tuck them in at night. He does the laundry (i fold and put away), the dishes, the vaccum and the mop, he takes the kids out by himself to the store and to eat at least once a week, he picks them from or drops them off at school, makes lunches. I get some girls's nights out pretty regurlarly and some week-ends off too. And the cutest thing ever: he plans some play dates with some of his friends who have kids : they go to the jungle gym, museum, etc., just a bunch of dads with kiddos. Times have really changes, you wouldn't see that when I was young.

[MandaT]

He is a huge help, but more with the house stuff than kid stuff, unless I specifically ask. He will make breakfast (usually rubbery pancakes, bacon/sausage, eggs), he does dishes and does about 95% of the laundry (mostly because he hates that I leave it in the basket when it's clean). If I want help with the kids specifically, like I need to get some work done or they are just driving me batty, I have to ask or tell him that he needs to take them or do something with them so I can concentrate. He is really hands on mostly though. (just don't ask him anything specific)

[KimberlyMorris]

I am so blessed in this area. Derrick pretty much takes over when he gets home to allow me some sanity LOL

[taracotta7]

I love my man but he is totally clueless. He is NOT helpful at all. One, he works LONG hours. Two, he doesn't even THINK to do something around here with the kids. It is just not on his radar because I am always on top of things. I have to ask for help............he will help but I have to tell him step by step how to do something which isn't really helpful to me. LOL This is the issue in our arguments every single time. If this wasn't an issue we would never fight. I am sure of it.

AND saying all of that............I wouldn't trade him for the world. Things will eventually get better. I just married a work-aholic. He is SO task oriented that people get lost in the shuffle at times. He is aware and TRIES to do better. I just try not to nag and bug him about it.

Totally jelly of you gals with very helpful hubsters though.

[dana]

hmmm - during the week, the house and the kids are 100% me , he usually doesn't even get to see the kids during the week because of work (i feel bad for him about that!) ... during the weekend, he still does 0% in the house (LOL! my BIL one time asked him how the dishwasher worked, my DH literally had NO idea .... ) but he DOES take the kids to do fun stuff on saturdays and sundays (parks, chuck e cheese, swimming, etc) - if i want to go with them, i do - but usually i use the time to clean house and have a little 'me' time ...

i don't mind this set-up much - he works super hard so i don't think he needs to do much around the house since i get to be a SAHM now .... but sometimes i DO wish that when he is literally walking over something that needs to be put up he would just grab it

[glumirk]

I've been blessed with an amazing husband. He helps me out however I need, unless he has a migraine. He's seriously amazing!

[lovely1m]

Oh, its so nice so many of you get so much help. Obviously, I can't answer this question, but its nice to hear there are helpful men out there.

[kristijoy]

The main thing I want him to do when he is home from work is to PLAY with our son (5 years old). He's needed alot more "GUY" time that I just can't provide. Right now they are wrestling on our big bed!

DH will also do lots of odd jobs around the house & the dishes. But it just works alot better if I do the bedtime routine and other kid type tasks. I think that will change as my son grows older and become more independent at bedtime.

[rach3975]

My DH is pretty good. If I'd written this a few years ago, you would have heard a lot more complaining, LOL. He's not great with babies and has no desire to provide the 24-7 parenting they need. But he's much better now that they're getting older. (Well, it's a little bit that he's better and a little bit that I don't have to put in as much time anymore, either. So things are more equal.)

During the week he works long hours and commutes, so he's gone 7-7. He leaves as the kids are waking up, but he helps with bedtime at night. One of us puts DD to bed, the other puts both boys to bed. On the weekend he's around and helps with the kids, but he tends to gravitate toward the house tasks and I do more of the kid stuff.

My one complaint is that he's terrible about giving me time alone unless I beg for it. He almost never takes the kids anyplace without me, and he doesn't seem to think he should reciprocate when I watch the kids so he can down to the basement alone or with our oldest to watch football. Sure, it may only be 3 or 4 hours a weekend, but that's 3 or 4 more hours off than I've gotten. We're working on this one

[Lyd]

Originally Posted by rach3975

My one complaint is that he's terrible about giving me time alone unless I beg for it. He almost never takes the kids anyplace without me, and he doesn't seem to think he should reciprocate when I watch the kids so he can down to the basement alone or with our oldest to watch football. Sure, it may only be 3 or 4 hours a weekend, but that's 3 or 4 more hours off than I've gotten. We're working on this one

This is my one main complaint as well. DH loves to be at home and he likes spending time with the kids. I just don't think he even comprehends how much it would mean to me to have a few hours where I wasn't being asked for a snack or to help with something or to answer a question or etc., etc., etc. I pretty much have to be having a nervous breakdown before he'll take over and let me have a few hours to myself--and at that point, it's hard to enjoy any time I get. When I hear other gals say that their hubbys took the kids away for the day so they could have some time to themselves . . . yeah, green with envy.

[Milmomma]

I guess I'm so use to him not being around that I don't ask him to do much. He doesn't offer. Usually when he's home hes cleaning his gear and packing to leave. He will watch the kids if he is off for the weekend so I can go to the gym or get groceries. Otherwise, he's not so much into it. He hates house work more than me. And the kids are getting older and not requiring so much hands on stuff.

[LibbysMommy]

My DH is pretty awesome. He's a super hands-on dad and is always willing to help where needed. He doesn't always help pick up, but seriously, that's not a big deal to me. The fact that he helps as much as he does and never complains about anything makes it all okay. I'm so blessed

[Julie Billingsley]

years ago I would have said that my husband wasn't very helpful with the kids. He'd do laundry and dishes, but any kid care was all me. Even if I had to run to the store for a minute, I had to take Logan with me. I got pretty fed up with that and one day I let him know that I was heading out to the mall for a few hours and that he would have to give Logan lunch and his nap while I was gone. Logan was about 1 year old. Tom wasn't happy... he basically asked me why I thought I could do that. So I said, you go to work and just assume that I will take care of the kids. You don't have to worry that I will meet their needs and feed/change/play with them. You don't wake me up every morning before you head to work and ask me to watch the kids that day. You know that since I am their parent that I will do all that. And you are a parent too. I shouldn't have to "ask" you to care for the kids and let me go out on my own. I am letting you know that I am running errands and shopping. And I did... and it worked out. Then it got easier on him. I just made sure to have everything ready like a plan for lunch because he is not good at that. After several trips out by myself, my husband was more confident and did great. From then on my husband was totally hands on with Logan and I never am concerned with leaving or just taking a nap on the weekend or having some "me" time. He is pretty awesome now!

[rach3975]

For us it's not so much DH's competence as his willingness. He's perfectly willing to watch the kids if there's something I have to do, like a meeting or shopping. (And yes, it started like Julie said with me finally telling instead of asking.) It's watching the kids just so I can have some time to relax that's the problem. He seems to think that he's entitled to 3+ hours to relax or watch the game every weekend, and I may get 3 hours once a month (if I'm lucky.)

[aggiefamily]

Mine is pretty awesome about helping out. I don't cook at all on the weekends and he usually cooks enough so I only have to worry about supper 2x a week. He helps out with dishes and gets the boys ready for bed most nights. During the week he is gone 14 hours a day so the time he is here is dedicated to catching up with the boys, meetings, sports, etc. We came to an agreement that I do most of the housework (which is fine because I would go after him and redo it) as long as he picks up behind himself. I already have to pick up behind 2 boys and I refuse to pick up a grown man's clothes, shoes, etc. After many fights early in our marriage about me nagging him we finally started leaving lists. I email him a list of what needs to be done that week (meetings, chores, stuff to take care of) and it gets done without me saying a word.

When mine were little he made sure I had a couple hours on the weekend to go shopping or to be by myself. Now mine are old enough I can tell them to leave me alone. LOL! But he can always tell when I am getting frazzled and need space and will take the boys somewhere.

[k23m]

Originally Posted by emmasmommy

this threads always make me so jelly :/

LOL Me too. When I want to get out, hubby says he is "babysitting". NO YOU ARENT! They are your kids!!!